Kindly, Gently...

[MasterBeth]

Am I Being Unreasonable to think that writing Kindly or Gently at the beginning of a post is a pointless, performative piece of nonsense.

We'll decide if what you say is kind or gentle, thank-you very much.

How can a building be compulsory?

Does "respectfully" trigger the same irritation? If it does, I'm in!

Here's anither one...

....Thank you for your understanding....
Usually at the end of a ln annoying email and I haven't yet had the chance to decide whether I am actually going to be understanding or not!

Thought it was jsut me - it makes me see red

Kindly, I think you're all being a bit too sensitive about this.

😜

Also hate non negotiable and in this house. Both so fucking bossy. Especially when used together ‘in this house, shoes off is non negotiable.’ Oh, fuck off.

Love the words on their own but yes, they’re generally followed by something horrible on mn!!!!

I don't like the way these words are sometimes used. Gentle reminders from work colleagues about deadlines for things, those incapable of meeting deadlines or overworked aren't going to make any difference to how they respond (or don't). I don't need kind regards, regards will do.

Kindly, you're being a b!""£$.
😂

Another similar "helpful" email that really annoys me is the "Did something catch your eye?" or "Your basket is still waiting..." from online shops.

I almost wish they would just say "just wanting to harass you into that purchase ..."

I'm on the spectrum and take words literally, don't see hidden meaning.
So if someone wrote to me and said 'You are being ridiculous', I'd feel hurt. If they put 'Kindly, you are being unreasonable'. I think it's the same result but they are trying to be a bit kinder about it. Makes a difference. Of course all the prefix's are over used. Call a spade a spade.

Yes and the "in this house" is normally a self-righteous display of "manners", when in fact manners would have them not trying to make others feel not good enough for "this house."

When I've seen 'Kindly ...' on MN, it has usually been a sincere way of indicating that a criticism is intended to be constructive and comes from a place of support and understanding. Usually it's addressed to OPs who are clearly upset or in a difficult situation.

Sometimes it is used passive aggressively or sarcastically, but usually it is an attempt to reply frankly but without the cruelty that characterises so, so many MN replies.

So I vote YABU.

This is a bit worrying!

When (what were once considered) good manners are interpreted as sarcasm, I mean.

Reminds me of when a scary-looking teenager and I got to a doorway simultaneously and I smiled, stood back and said ‘After you!’

Blimey - if looks could kill! 😲. She definitely thought I was being sarcastic. I guess no-one had ever said that to her before.

That makes me go back and remove my item from the basket in petulant anger. If I wanted to buy it, I would have done so.

I think that "gently" has its place sometimes.

When someone has totally lost all reason and the ability to see straight but is distraught, then it can help to talk them down.

Think of a PFB mother going absolutely bloody fruit loop because Grandma mixed up the grandkids drinks and her child got the full sugar squash (say).

I can see this point to be honest. It is very hard to infer tone from text - especially the sort of brief responses on here - and sometimes people are genuinely delivering a hard message to be kind.

However there are definitely some posters who deploy it in a "yet one may smile and smile and be a villain" way.

Sorry, that probably makes you feel more confused if you take a steer from the inclusion of kindly - and you aren't wrong that sometimes things are meant kindly when they say it. But I think it's worth looking twice and being aware.

It is performative bullshit nonsense. I often wonder if anybody on here has ever had a thought of their own. Some gimp started the "gently," shite and all the sheep followed.

"in this house" makes me want to throw up. It's indicative of women who do fuck all bar sit at home being "sahm" and packing up their grim husbands' lunch.

I’ve used it at times on here, as sometimes a written post can be taken in a way you don’t mean 🤷‍♀️

A much better way of doing this is separating the feeling part and the action part. Acknowledge and address the feelings, tell them their actions were dickish. Instead of:

Gently, you’re a dick.

You have;

It’s obviously really frustrating but what you did was dickish.

I prefer the second.

On here it usually precedes arsehole comments.

I only use ‘in this house’ on FIL through gritted teeth when he’s being an enormous tool. Not a SAHM.

e.g. “I’m so glad I have thin GC; GC1 eat your vegetables” “FIL, body shape and food is not a battle ground in this house”. Because in my SIL’s house, he does as he pleases and says dreadful things to the kids.

Kindly, @MasterBeth , I dislike it too.
it adds nothing other than irritation.

I corrected someone today when they posted that the council could 'literally get away with murder'.

I get what you’re saying, but sometimes it’s difficult to read tone online. I would usually only use this if it seems like I’m talking to somebody in a difficult situation and I want to make sure that it comes across as genuinely well-meaning.