Sad beyond words

[Wantachangefor2024]

Soo this feels pathetic and I can’t confide in the friends i have for fear of guilt tripping them or outing myself out to being so pathetic but i am lonely beyond words. I’m 35 and all of my friends are married, live at the different ends of the country, busy with stuff going on and I broke up with my partner two years ago and been single since and the loneliness I feel. Having no one to discuss the day to day with. All that conversation has ended with him and my friends. They are too bogged down with their own inner circle to have that talk and time for me. And I get it. I’m not jealous or resentful, just gut wrenchingly lonely. How does one make friends at this stage of life really?? So I’m posting here in case anyone else is in a similar boat and from South Yorkshire.

Do you actually go & visit your friends that aren't nearby?

im in my 50's, I met my newest (now very close) friend in hospital! I'm not recommending that, just saying we met very unexpectedly. Neither of us 'looking' for a 'new friend'.they're lurking in random places!!

Over and over again. I think what’s got to me is my long standing friendships are dwindling to that level of chat as we don’t see each other that often. You lost that connection. I’m such girls girl too I crave female company.

well then make the effort and visit them?

OP. I was in a similar situation to you after my divorce. I would echo what other posters have said about accepting every invite you get. Have you considered taking up some form of music. There are lots of brass bands in Yorkshire and even if you can't play most of them have a training band where they will teach you. Another very social (and rather niche hobby), is Bellringing. I have made lots of friends in both these hobbies.

I hear you. It can be very lonely to be single in your 30s

I never made friends at the gym. People head off after their class. Teams sports far more social

I regularly walk around the park with a neighbour

Volunteering is good

What is your job? Do you have time for a craft group choir swimming club. Book club What ever your interests are? Animal agility class.

Be brave and get out there and if you meet a person who you click with. Be even braver and suggest a coffee or ask them for advise on a matter.

Then say oh please can you wassapp me that info as I'll forget and that way you have opened up a channel to ask them for a casual meet up.

You have to be brave tho. You won't be my worse off than you are now.

Not RTFT but have you tried Meetup.com? I made friends there via similar interests.

Im from Durham but heading to Filey to drop the kids and their dad off camping on Friday if you fancy a cuppa and are about that way... geography isnt my strongest point

There is a group called thrive on Facebook.will find a link. They have meetings all over the place. Like minded women to meet friends and have hobbies.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/818845839816286/?ref=share

Lots of ways to make friends and focus on (new) people around you. Danielle bayard jackson has lots of tips on this on instagram etc. Bumble for friends is meant to be good. Good luck OP!

This is really helpful. Both my kids are at uni now and I think it is time to get a pet (dog died 5 years ago)

I WFH 3 days a week (office the other 2 ) and I have been considering getting a second, more sociable job eg hospitality.

Ditto the gym .

Reading and boxsets are good too !

I would also add that if you are an outdoorsy person there is a website called women outdoors (they organise holidays / day excursions etc) around the country. I am perusing their stuff and hope to book a few things.

Are there any nice pubs near you ? Could you set up a weekend walk club where you meet at the pub and go for a walk and then back to the pub ?

I hope you are okay 🫂

This may sound controversial, but I needed to lose 1 stone, so joined a weight loss group a few months back. 😇
The weight (slowly) came off and I look forward to chatting away to all the older ladies once a week for support, especially after my mum recently passed away. 😔
They are even talking about organising a Christmas meal out, which I haven't done in years! 🎅

Would that be something you may be interested in?

What a great list! Thst sounds like a lovely life to me.

I know what you mean about plans being so very far in advance. It’s hard work when it’s SUCH a big deal and a faff. by the time it comes around you’re over the idea!

Book club? Walking groups (there are alot around our way...good weekend filler and mixed ages). a sport like badminton? Get a dog? Choir even if you can't really sing? Local am dram? You need to get inventive.

Dogwalking really gets you out of a lonely rut. You meet lovely people (on the whole), and if nothing else, you have someone to talk to who always cares.

Honestly OP, you could go to church (mosque, synagogue etc)?

(Actual belief in god optional!)

Its a great way to meet people. You just need to try one with a younger crowd. Also people are literally in the house of god, so do tend to be mostly quite nice to other people.

The other suggestion is walking groups on meet up. Theyre great fun, really good exercise and you meet nice people.

Not sure if this has been mentioned, but have you tried Bumble BFF OP? I used this during lockdown and met a couple of lovely ladies on there.

Did you miss the wink at the end?

Edited to add: And the ambiguous use of the word 'mate'.

Moved to Yorkshire myself recently and although I'm in a relationship, my new and good friend is in a similar boat to you and does the following (with success) to keep happy and occupied.

1. Bumble BFF for making platonic female friends
2. Joined a tag rugby group, really social gang. They play and then go to the pub after.
3. Joined a different, specialised gym. So for example, MMA or Crossfit, rather than your bog standard Pure Gym. Much more community minded and you are likely to make more meaningful connections. That's my experience in the past too.
4. If dog walking and you get chatting, put yourself out and ask if they want to meet for a coffee sometime. The worst they can say is no.
5. Casual but mindful dating. Ie, being open to meeting men but no engaging with every match you have (if OLD)

I also have a dog and it's been a great connector to others. I'll be starting salsa lessons shortly too, a good way to get over a midweek hump and meet people.

Hope things improve for you.

Do you have neighbours you could make friends with? Ask round for a coffee?

Near me there are dog walking groups or even just normal walking groups. So you meet up (with or without Fido) and go for a walk and its a great way to meet new people.

Join a WI group. Those in an evening tend to have a younger demographic. Lots of spin off groups with varied interests. There might be several you could travel to. Visit as a guest and see if any suit you.

Try tennis? They often do social, just turn up and play.

When I lived alone I made sure that lamps were on timers and radio, so I didn’t get home to silence.

I’m not religious, but the loveliest, most social, busiest, most involved in the community people I know all are. Can you really go to church though if you’re not religious? I’d feel like a conwoman! And a bit awkward if you make friends with these people and then they find out you’re atheist? I love the idea of a non-religious church.