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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decide not to be bridesmaid 4 weeks before wedding?

132 replies

sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:03

the hotel in Ireland is full and the bride is expecting me to 'not to worry about it we'll sort something out, & that I'll 'just have to bunk down with someone' ie a complete stranger as I don't know any of her friends.

OP posts:
Chequers · 02/06/2008 17:05

Message withdrawn

MargaretMountford · 02/06/2008 17:05

YANBU ! I wouldn't like it

meemar · 02/06/2008 17:06

I think to pull out of being bridesmaid duties because of accommodation problems is a bit unfair - was this her fault?

Can you book yourself a hotel or b&b?

WigWamBam · 02/06/2008 17:07

Very unreasonable. You should have booked sooner.

Pull out by all means but I suspect you will lose a friend.

MissingMyHeels · 02/06/2008 17:07

I think YABU - isn't there another hotel? Or a B&B nearby? Or even a campsite?

You must be pretty good friends for her to ask you to be bridesmaid, I'd be gutted if my bridesmaid/friend pulled out a month before. Why didn't you book something sooner?

MegBusset · 02/06/2008 17:07

Hmm, didn't you think of booking accommodation a little earlier?

hanaflower · 02/06/2008 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavie · 02/06/2008 17:08

Had she promised to book your accommodation?

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:08

the hotel is in Ireland, I'll be travelling alone as it was a choice between a family holiday or going tot he wedding as a family of 4...the bride sent out invitations at different times and provided a list of hotel details...when i tried to book upon receipt of the invitation I was told that the hotel had no reservations for that date, as does the website at this point in time. I am not happy about travelling back to a B & B alone in a taxi late at night either....

OP posts:
sophiewd · 02/06/2008 17:08

Yes

MegBusset · 02/06/2008 17:08

If you are good enough friends to be her bridesmaid then I think it's a poor reason to pull out, surely she can match you up with a nice friend to share a room with? It's only for one night and it is her big day...

meemar · 02/06/2008 17:10

Surely all the guests wont be staying in that hotel. There will probably be several people going to the nearest B&Bs.

Also if you use a reputable taxi firm there should be no reason to be worried.

MegBusset · 02/06/2008 17:10

Oh, if she was supposed to book a room for you then yes, it is a bit rubbish of her not to, seeing as you are a bridesmaid. I would still be inclined to go, but get her to match you up with a nice female friend now so you can exchange a few emails before the day.

cestlavie · 02/06/2008 17:11

Sorry, yes you are. If you're a good friend, let alone a bridesmaid, you'd find a way to be there. It sounds like there's a couple of accommodation options available - if you don't like them, just live with it. I've been to plenty of weddings/ weekends away where I've had to stay in random places or share rooms with people I don't know and had perfectly good times.

sophiewd · 02/06/2008 17:12

If its anything like the weddings I have been to in Ireland then you won't be getting alot of sleep anyway as they go on and on and on

Chequers · 02/06/2008 17:13

Message withdrawn

littlelapin · 02/06/2008 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

savoycabbage · 02/06/2008 17:18

Yes you are. I am fairly sure that you won't get murdered in a taxi. It doesn't happen that often. There are bound to be loads of people going to the B&B if the hotel was already booked on the day you got your invite. It is a poor excuse and your friend would be within her rights to be furious. And hurt. We all have to do things we don't want to do for friendship. Visit people in hospital, pick up their pesky kids, take them to the airport and in my case be a bridesmaid in Southampton on Boxing Day when I lived in Newcastle three weeks after I had my first child.

pamelat · 02/06/2008 17:18

It does sound rather odd for her to have not booked your accomnmodation but that said you can't really pull out. I wouldnt even cancel as only a wedding guest with only 4 weeks to go.

Its the most important day of her life. And you 'll get a nice dress!

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:20

so, am i right in assuming that the majority of you think I'm being precious because I would like to sleep somewhere that night? Ok so if it's too late to pull out now, what advice can you give me about arranging somewhere to stay? I have looked at the B&B and its miles away... I have asked the bride many times about it and she just fobbs me off and doesn't get back to me

OP posts:
GreenElizabeth · 02/06/2008 17:20

What about the other bridesmaids? Can you share with them?

It is quite a big deal to pull out of being a bridesmaid, but I do sort of understand your fear of not having a roof over your head.

Where in Ireland is it? There could be a cheaper b&b really near to the hotel, and the hotel would be able to arrange a taxi for you. They would have good relationships witht he local taxi cos.

I agree that if you pull out that is sending a clear message that the friendship is not worth ANY small amount of work or accommodation.

She should be ringing around trying to help you find a room though.

lisasimpson · 02/06/2008 17:21

surely you knew about this wedding yonks ago, I would have thought to have asked about the hotel details a little earlier than when the invites were sent out? particularly if you are that concerned about staying/travelling elsewhere on your own. I'm sure somebody would escort you home in the taxi (isn't this all the responsibility of the best man?) or you put up at a strangers for one night. I wouldn't even dream off pulling out at this state

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:22

I have been pestering her for the dteails of the hotle since she booke dit but she wanted to keep it to herself until the invites went out.

OP posts:
branflake81 · 02/06/2008 17:22

just get a taxi, fgs. You shouldn't need the bride to hold your hand. You are a grown woman and should sort it out yourself.

Sorry if this is harsh but I thnk you are being very unreasonable.

lisasimpson · 02/06/2008 17:23

I would try contacting some other wedding party member who might have a bit more time on their hands to help you with the arrangements...