Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decide not to be bridesmaid 4 weeks before wedding?

132 replies

sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:03

the hotel in Ireland is full and the bride is expecting me to 'not to worry about it we'll sort something out, & that I'll 'just have to bunk down with someone' ie a complete stranger as I don't know any of her friends.

OP posts:
Chequers · 02/06/2008 17:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:24

yoou are not being harsh, I asked for your opinions....it's interesting to see what other people think...

OP posts:
littlelapin · 02/06/2008 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlelapin · 02/06/2008 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavie · 02/06/2008 17:25

Honestly, what is the problem here? You've got a list of B&Bs and other hotels right? Phone them up and see which have availability and book one of them. If you're worried you won't be able to get a taxi ask the place you're booking at to give you the number of a local cab firm and pre-order your taxi to pick you up that night.

pamelat · 02/06/2008 17:27

I just think its very strange for her/you to have not looked in to this before now

Before I committed to being a bridesmaid and before the dress was purchased etc etc I would make sure I had a room - its a case of whose "fault" that is really ... ?

She must have told you where it was before the invites went out, and she could have made sure that wedding party members had rooms reserved UNLESS she was expecting you to not go?

LadyMuck · 02/06/2008 17:27

Well in fairness to the bride I have not yet been to an Irish wedding which has ended before 5am. That notwithstanding, you do need somewhere to change etc, but if you are not familiar with Irish weddings then these definitely are more about an excuse for an all-night party rather than some demure affair where you'll be tucked in bed by 9 with a mug of cocoa.

Have you been able to sit down with the bride face to face or is all of this communication being done by phone/text/email? And what is your relationship to the bride if you don't know anyone else going?

cheeset · 02/06/2008 17:29

sponkle, what's up? I believe you re the hotel reservation. Has this made you feel unimportant the fact she didn't reserve the room?

ivykaty44 · 02/06/2008 17:30

Sponkle - get an airbed to take with you, find the nicest looking bloke at the wedding and tell him the bride said you had to share with him and sleep on my airbed!

If the nicest looking bloke at the wedding is the groom then the bride has a problem! he he.

Seriosly - take an airbed and sleeping bag with you and have a little brash and say the bride says i need to share as all the rooms were booked up.

Go and have a wonderful adventure

LadyMuck · 02/06/2008 17:30

Oh and just to complicate matters i have had experiences of Irish hotels which do show themselves to be completely booked out for the night of a wedding - this is so that the couple getting married can give priority to those guests who need it rather than anyone who books independently. That said it is the norm to release the remaining rooms once the main lot of invites are sent out. I did have grief with my SIL2b over this as I wanted to choose my own room (and specifically did not want to have my dcs sharing a room with me). But it seems to be the done thing.

JeremyVile · 02/06/2008 17:31

You're over-thinking.
Find the nearest available accomodation, book a reutable taxi in advance.

And STOP pestering the bride to sort it for you (it would have been great had she made the arrangements for you, but she didn't) she'll have a million other things to be doing.

GreenElizabeth · 02/06/2008 17:31

Where's the hotel? Is it very remote?

GreenElizabeth · 02/06/2008 17:33

Hi Chequers! Maybe sponkle can stay with chipmonkey, bree or watsthestory!!??

annh · 02/06/2008 17:33

Please give all those of us who are Irish an indication of where on earth in Ireland this wedding is! I got married in a rural location in Ireland and not everyone could stay (or afford to stay) in the weddng hotel. But even in that little hamlet there were at least 2 other local-ish hotels and a dozen B&Bs so it is difficult to believe that you can't come up with something close by the reception venue. It's not clear if you are going to this wedding alone or as a family of 4 - if the former I wouldn't be in the slightest bit worried but if you are bringing children, then it is obviously important to sort something out. Have you asked the hotel for their recommendations for alternatives?

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:34

we used to work togther about 3 years ago and since then just met up once every month or so for lunch. I have had a baby since being asked to be bridesmaid and have made every effort to go dress shopping, dress fittings etc and be there for her, but i don't think she realises howmuch effort i have gone to for her and the fact that she has been so vague about details is annoying me as I would have expected her to have reserved enough rooms for family and key people involved in the wedding. i would like to pint out that i did try to book as soon as I got the info for the hotel.

OP posts:
NotABanana · 02/06/2008 17:35

Have you told her if she doesn't arrange you a decent bed for the night, you won't be her bridesmaid?

Chequers · 02/06/2008 17:36

Message withdrawn

GreenElizabeth · 02/06/2008 17:37

Sponkle. Where's the hotel??????

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:37

no notabanana that is why i posted this thread to test the water as I don't want to let her down but feelmore and more p'd off with the situation, I'm being silly aren't i?

OP posts:
GreenElizabeth · 02/06/2008 17:40

I think you are anxious because you don't know where you will be putting down your head that night. But all will work out, you need to believe that. There ARE b&bs in Ireland, there are taxi firms. There is food, there is water. There are mobile phone networks. Your uk phone will work in Ireland. Your atm card will work in Irish banks. THink of it as a survival course, not a friend's wedding.

annh · 02/06/2008 17:40

You still haven't gven us any indication of what god-forsaken corner of Ireland this wedding is taking place in which has so little accommodation available ...

annh · 02/06/2008 17:41

Great post, Greenelizabeth!

cheeset · 02/06/2008 17:42

I'd be pi**ed off too. If your important enough to be a bridesmaid, why no hotel room?

She could have reserved it for you at least and let you worry about paying etc.

You need to speak to her, sort it out, I know she's got her big day to think about but you are good friends yeah?

Hard not to be bitter though, is she worth it?

minster · 02/06/2008 17:43

She does sound like she's been pretty thoughtless. When we got married I organised rooms for all the wedding attendants & close family, it's even more important if you've got people travelling.

Original poster
sponkle · 02/06/2008 17:46

cheeset you understnad where I'm coming from...I hope she is worth it, but I just feel as though I'm always bending over backwards and never her...she has only seen my ds twice since he was born, and arrived 2 hours late forlunch yesterday at 3pm and then talked on her mobile phone throughout the meal I'm just surprised as I personally would have sorted this for my bridesmaids if i had had any.

OP posts: