“Don’t lose anymore” (whilst clutching their pearls)

[Whoknowsnotmeshrug]

I’ve always been overweight. Very overweight.

Over the last 20 months I’ve lost 7 stone, slowly, steadily, through calorie counting, exercise, and completely changing my lifestyle. I’m not underweight. I’m not even “ideal” weight. I’m just… not overweight anymore.

And yet people seem to think my body is up for discussion. Old ladies telling me to stop losing weight. People saying I’ve “gone too far” and that they’re “worried.” My mum even said she doesn’t want me ending up in hospital with anorexia.

It drives me mad. I actually feel infuriated by it. It’s not support, it’s intrusive. Am I being unreasonable to want to tell people to mind their own business? Maybe even to fuck off?!

YANBU – They’re nosy, rude, and can’t keep their opinions to themselves.

YABU – They’re just concerned

Do you mean old ladies who are friends and family, or strangers?

You’ll have to get used to this, unfortunately. People will be jealous of your weight loss and project their feelings onto you. I’ve been there myself.

"I must have missed the part where it's any of your fucking business."

That'll shut them up.

My BMI is 21-22 and people said that to me when I was maybe 25/26. I’ve lost 5st7lbs and I know people were trying to be kind and saying things like “you’ll look gaunt” and not to go too far was coming from a place of concern. I want to lose another few pounds to half a stone, but as I say people have stopped now.

sometimes people are just surprised by seeing a smaller version so don’t realise you aren’t in any danger of an eating disorder or anything.

You say you're not overweight now so they could have a point - you don't need to lose any more weight.

What’s the difference between ideal and overweight?

There is no point. No one should be commenting on other people’s bodies.

I’m at the “dont lose anymore” stage too. I tolerate family saying it, I know they care and it’s their way of acknowledging all the lifestyle changes I’ve made even though I’ve not lost weight for 9 months or more. But anybody else gets a “please don’t comment on my body”. It’s blunt and perhaps unnecessarily rude but from acquaintances I find it far too personal a comment and not their place to say anything. I quite like what @decenteringmen said, I might have to try that one out!

People used to say this to me when I got to my ideal weight of 10st 7lbs which gives me a BMI of 24 for my height and makes me a size 10/12 😂 Hardly withering away. 🙄

If a close friend was obviously in the grips of anorexia it would be something that would not be safe to ignore

I wondered this also. OP who are these old women?

I mean the neighbour across the road, the lady that I see with a group i volunteer with and some random ladies at a party I went to to support a family member. I know I didn’t explain very well who these random folk are 😆

I’m just a few pounds under the overweight category. My dr was really pleased and told me my ideal weight it about about 11 pound away but said he’d be happy if I was maintaining at about about 7pound down..

About 13 lb! Dr said I wasn’t overweight and that the ideal weight for someone my height was about another 13 lb down. He wasn’t pressuring me. More saying “if you get 13 lb down you should probably stop”. Paraphrased. He was much more proper 🤭

It’s weird isn’t it!!! I’m size 14 (16 on a bad day). Surely no one is GENUINELY thinking I’m underweight?!

Absolutely. And a close friend did reach out and say she was worried (over text) and I reassured her I was under the care of a Dr and he was pleased and suggested a little more and she took it on board.
But people at work or those I see in passing are so much more vocal and rude about it!

Ignore them.

After I lost 7 stone I had this constantly - even being told it didn't 'suit me' to be so slim as I was so 'jolly' before (?!)

They stopped eventually.

People are weird... they'll judge you for being fat, then envy you when you're slim.

It's the weirdest reaction, people just don't seem to be able to not blurt out these "don't go too far comments" the minute anybody has visibly lost some weight. So odd.
I got it when I was still bloody fat, just less fat!
Now I am built like a whippet, I must be giving them panic attacks!

So are they’re saying it with absolutely no input from you? You haven’t mentioned how much weight you’ve lost or how you’ve lost it they have just started talking about your weight complexly out of the blue? If so they’re very rude.

I have a friend and also a colleague who have lost a lot of weight in the past year - they weren’t overweight to start with and now both look gaunt and 10 years older, one has done it with injections and admits she can’t stop and the other is on a strict diet of a tub of fruit for lunch and fish and vegetables for dinner, but I haven’t commented other than to say “oh well done”despite them telling me how much they’ve lost on a regular basis

Congratulations on your weight loss. That’s a tremendous achievement.

I don’t think there is malign intent here though I understand why you are feeling frustrated. Significant weight loss is often associated with serious illness and I think we all hard wired to be discomforted when we see it, though some are better than others at controlling the expression of this.

My husband has lost about 3 stone over the last year and is still about a stone to a stone and a half away from normal BMI. I sometimes catch sight of him and momentarily am shocked by how thin he looks and have to work hard not to express that thought and stay encouraging.

I have lost a bit less - under 2 stone over the same period and had a session with a personal trainer recently when I said I was hoping to lose another 7-10 lbs. Her initial reaction was to say I didn’t need to do that and was already very lean and slim but at the end of the session when she measured me on a hospital grade smart scale, she also recommended that I drop exactly this amount!

They don’t like it because you’re achieving something they know they never could and they want you kept in your place of being like them.

Or they’re simply incapable of knowing what a healthy weight looks like.

Bloody well done, OP. Fantastic achievement.

Don’t comment on my body

That’s perfect!

I’ve actually put off losing weight because I can’t bear the judgement, but this is perfect.

It’s so funny how different body composition is, a size 14/16 definitely wouldn’t look like they are wasting away. But with a bmi of 24 I guess GP is suggesting getting down towards the middle of the healthy range?

people are just weird, I guess it’s just such a big loss is making it look more drastic.

It’s because we’ve normalised the over weight, even obese look. People think normal is a BMI of 27/8 and up.

A healthy BMI for me is anywhere between about 8 and 11 stone. I’m happy at about 10 stone as I have no obvious fat, any more than 10 and I develop a belly. 10 stone is a BMI of about 23 for me, so I’d have to lose another 2 stone to be underweight. But at 10 stone I get comments about being too thin 🤷‍♀️

I’m in the same position - I’ve lost almost 10 stone on WLI, a few people at work and a couple of friends have told me to stop losing now, that I’m going too far etc - my BMI is 32, so I’m still obese! Not even overweight yet, but actually obese - there’s no way I look too thin. I think people are just seeing a drastic difference and comparing to how I was before. It is getting tiresome now though.