“Don’t lose anymore” (whilst clutching their pearls)

[Whoknowsnotmeshrug]

I’ve always been overweight. Very overweight.

Over the last 20 months I’ve lost 7 stone, slowly, steadily, through calorie counting, exercise, and completely changing my lifestyle. I’m not underweight. I’m not even “ideal” weight. I’m just… not overweight anymore.

And yet people seem to think my body is up for discussion. Old ladies telling me to stop losing weight. People saying I’ve “gone too far” and that they’re “worried.” My mum even said she doesn’t want me ending up in hospital with anorexia.

It drives me mad. I actually feel infuriated by it. It’s not support, it’s intrusive. Am I being unreasonable to want to tell people to mind their own business? Maybe even to fuck off?!

YANBU – They’re nosy, rude, and can’t keep their opinions to themselves.

YABU – They’re just concerned

That’s exactly what I’m aiming for! I’d bloody love someone to tell me I’m losing too much weight! 🤣 😉

To the OP: yanbu. I would never, and I mean never, comment on someone’s weight, except to say “wow, you look amazing!”

Op, have you spoken about your weightloss journey with them? Since they randomly bring this up, why would they think you're lying if you've never even told the truth?

When people lose large amounts of weight relatively quickly there is often some element of lose skin/sagging that can give a sort of gaunt hollowed out look, even if the person is not technically underweight. Obviously it's much better health wise to be a normal weight but aesthetically I think people who were previously very overweight can sometimes reach a kind of tipping point where carrying a little extra fat to fill out the skin looks healthier than losing it all. That's why people say they look gaunt when they at are at a weight that someone who has never been overweight looks great at. Obviously they shouldn't be commenting on weight full stop though!

When people lose large amounts of weight relatively quickly there is often some element of lose skin/sagging that can give a sort of gaunt hollowed out look, even if the person is not technically underweight. Obviously it's much better health wise to be a normal weight but aesthetically I think people who were previously very overweight can sometimes reach a kind of tipping point where carrying a little extra fat to fill out the skin looks healthier than losing it all. That's why people say they look gaunt when they at are at a weight that someone who has never been overweight looks great at. Obviously they shouldn't be commenting on weight full stop !

I saw this when my uncle lost 7 stone.

My mum, a life long fad dieter who has never got on top of her weight, started insisting that he didn't look well, didn't look like himself, and shouldn't lose anymore.

I just repeated, over and over, "Nope, it's 100% bad for your health to be carrying excess weight. He looks great, and ALL of the people I know who have made it into their 90s are very slim and wiry".

OP, when people say you shouldn't lose anymore, just say "Oh I absolutely will, I'm feeling great and think I look fab. I recommend it!"

My work colleagues keep commenting on my weight and I’ve lost 2 stone! Keep saying I’m skinny. My bmi is 29 😂😂😂

People are daft 🙄

I confess that I've said something similar to a friend who has lost a lot of weight using WLI. The reason being that I do think she is going too far below her "fighting weight" and that she will not be able to sustain it. She is probably not technically underweight in terms of BMI. But, BMI is just an average and she naturally has a big strong athletic build. She now looks gaunt and is probably starving herself, in my opinion. I worry that one day soon her brain will want her to binge eat if she doesn't start eating more calories every day.
I am in my 60s and have seen a lot in my time. If the 'old ladies' in your life are showing concern I would take heed if I were you. They are not likely to be motivated by jealousy!

Its probably more they are not used to seeing you slim and its not quite 'right'

Why is it always jealousy though?? Sexist much?

Remember OP, no one was commenting when the weight went on pound by pound. Now that it's coming off pound by pound they can't keep their beaks shut..... Pure jealousy.

FWIW, I think you're doing great 😁

People complain when people notice people complain when people dont notice i think some people always find something to complain about, i dont think anyome thinks that deeply about people losing weight or not i take it as passing comment, bit the viciousness people have over what people say or not reflects more on them to be perfectly and the childish 'their just jealous' said about everything these days

People seem to worry and concern themselves with ny weight constantly.

At BMI 43 it was my health worrying people. Ive lost 8 stone in a year and am now down to BMI 25. Still slightly overweight and the "don't lose too much has begun". I'm probably aiming for another half stone in an ideal world to get to BMI <25 with a small buffer.

I've used (needed) WLI to achieve this and MN is full of posters desperately worried about long term side effects for those of us using them.

Of course it's lovely that people care so much!

I’m getting this at the moment with a BMI of 33! Somehow the people who love or like or just know me in passing are seeing the new active, happy, confident me and thinking ‘she should probably stop now’

The old ladies aren’t my friends. They are ladies that know me in passing. My actual friends are supportive. They know the ins and out of my life and are my support network.

The old ladies are just terribly loud about it and bring attention to it in public places.

How do you know any of this? In your opinion … what are you basing this on?

It’s annoying but it’s because people have it as a “stock phrase”. A bit like when you’re pregnant and people tell you “oh you can’t have long to go” when you’re only 6 months pregnant, or “you’re carrying high / low / what a big bump” etc. Try to not take it to heart!

Would these people be of a higher BMI by any chance?

I lost a fair amount of weight gradually, but didn’t tell anyone I was doing it. No one really noticed. And I got a lot fitter - people commented on that in a ‘you look great’ kind of way.

I would tamp these people down.

Have a few phrases ready to fire.

”My body is my business thanks : end of discussion”
”I don’t need your opinion on my body “
And even “did you mean to be so rude?”

It is just so fucking creepy to trawl through someone’s posts like that. Did you think you were going to “out” OP?

Have a serious think about why you thought that was an OK thing to do, and what it says about you.

Op hasn’t lied? She has lost by cc and altering lifestyle. If she’s used a tool like WLI to support her it’s her business. You don’t lose weight simply by injecting you need to be in calorie deficit.
I lost 5 stone fairly quickly 6 years ago (slimming world no injections) and got similar comments at end. At my lightest I was bmi 23/24.
I used to focus on health and say I wanted a healthy bmi.

But what would you do? People who are anorexic won't just eat normally because their friends notice they're not looking well.

Can’t believe you searched OP’s posts to make a snarky remark. Weird behaviour. It’s no one’s business how she lost the weight. People’s odd responses to WLI are very revealing about how they see the world.

OP, I think people’s mental image of a person can sometimes lag the reality- their image of you is at the larger size and so they find it hard to assess whether you’re now underweight. Annoying but I think for most people probably well-intentioned (I know people always suggest this stuff is envy but that sounds unlikely in the case of your mum and random old ladies). Anyone you’ve known as larger always seems a bit of a surprise smaller (Nigel Lawson eg) and bits of them you thought were just what they look like turn out to have been caused by overweight.

Well done on your weight loss.

Wow that’s fantastic! Inam
much the same as you now pre weight loss - I’m taking Mounjaro now because I can’t maintain it your way, I take my oversized hat off to you - ignore other people you do what’s good for you and what the doctor suggests

I worry that one day soon her brain will want her to binge eat if she doesn't start eating more calories every day.

Presumably your friend will deal with that issue if it happens. Why is something you need to worry about?

Having the same problem, I keep getting told my attitude to eating is unhealthy, just because I want to maintain my new weight and not pile it all back on (like I have every other time I've lost weight).

I don't think my attitude is unhealthy, if I'm hungry I'll eat. But if I know I've had a bigger breakfast than usual I'll skip lunch and and wait until dinner, or if I've had a big lunch I wont have dinner and just have a snack.

None of anyone else's business!

I wouldn't have thought so, no. More likely they are trying to flatter you as many women believe telling other women they are thin is a compliment. They will say this sort of thing as a social nicety with some faux gasps at how 'skinny' you've become to acknowledge you're slimmer.

There are a few things about which we owe the world the truth. How we lost unwanted weight is not one of them. It's a matter between the OP and her healthcare professionals.