Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Make it a contest of who can say hello first

creep around hedges etc so you can call out before he sees you

Thank you @Ronathediva13, obviously another literature fan! OP is just determined to think that we’re all demonising her when the irony is, she’s the one doing that to others.

Oh dear OP, much like you in your interactions with this stranger, you’ve misunderstood my intent. Perhaps if you spent less time raging at strangers you’d have more time to read?

I’m on the opposite side of this in that there’s an older man I pass daily while running (quiet villlage, he’s usually the only one I pass on that bit of road) and I say ‘morning’ when I pass him. He NEVER replies and so I cheerily say it every time. Wonder if he also thinks I’m creepy cos I greet him every day. Everyone else here says morning to each other when out walking etc. We also have a mentally ill man who walks around the village non stop from morning until night all day every day and says hello to everyone and I just say hello back. Weird not to.

Poor guy isn't doing anything but standing outside his own front door! Doesn't make him mentally ill, maybe he smokes, enjoys being nosey or has a really irritating partner he wants to get away from!

Round my way there is a little old couple who are always sitting in their front yard with their little dog, people frequently stop for a chat. Also there are a group of young women who I always see standing outside their front doors chatting.
People used to interact with their neighbours all the time.

Just say hello back for goodness sake! If you don't want a new friend just make sure you are walking fast and look busy so it's a quick hello then gone.

@RogueFemale I think it really depends on how he is presenting. I’m a big confused as you’ve talked about mental illness, dementia and creepiness. Of course it can be hard to know, but if I had a gut feeling a man had dementia and was maybe seeking some connection/ repeating a comforting habit from the past maybe, then I would definitely say hello with a smile. If I thought someone had mental health issues (often driven by adverse experiences in their lives and at far more risk in general to themselves than others) then I would say hello. If I felt creeped out, I would probably go a different way to Coop. I think it’s important that we don’t conflate dementia and mental health with creepiness and threat.

saying that, if you do feel creeped out and threatened, do follow your gut.

It comes to something when people get judged just for saying a cheery hello.
He may or may not have mental health issues, but if he does he's not doing any harm by saying hello. It probably makes his day when people say a cheery hello back.
I certainly wouldn't judge him.

You seriously need to get over yourself.

You sound like a right misery OP.

”saying that, if you do feel creeped out and threatened, do follow your gut.”

I agree 100% with your last sentence, @Miniatureschnauzers.

I believe that gut feelings are there to help us stay safe, and the last thing we should do is- especially to women - is to tell them to ignore their gut feelings, if someone makes them uncomfortable.

If a child is wary of a relative or family friend, do you think the parents should make them interact with that person, or do we let the child decide for themselves how much and when they interact with that person? I would say the latter - even though I’ve been in that position myself - my granddaughter went through a phase of not wanting to interact with me, come for a hug, read a book with me etc - and I respected her right to choose. I sat back and didn’t push the matter, even though I only get to see her every 3 months or so, and I waited until she chose to come and spend time with me.

I say hello to anyone I walk past, most people do in my area. If I was outside my house and someone was walking past I would probably say hello…..isn’t that what everyone does?

In what?

Hands up, didn’t get past page 4, but why would you ignore an elderly man standing on his doorstep - in all probability seeking company or social interaction of some sort, but not ignore a woman doing exactly the same thing? There’s no obligation you to talk to him, or even brighten his day with a smile, but I can’t imagine walking past someone and ignoring them, myself. I do t know where you are from, or where you are now living, but many communities are friendly and know all their neighbours. One day, that might be you.

Hi. Roguefemale.
I wonder ccould you ask a neighbour about him. Possibly someone who has been there a long time. Might help quell your suspicions. I too would feel uncomfortable around this man.

There's a few people i see who live on our estate and on the school.run, I always smile and say hello. One sourpuss lives round the corner from us and is a teaching assistant i think, but she looks so aloof and never says hello.

Another mum who moved away always did the school run yet clearly thought het flash electric Audi, Barbour coat and long straight hair etc made me beneath her, and I remember thinking she was actually looking down her nose at me once when she passed by. I tried to smile but gave up.

Exactly a case in point that demonstrates just how rude it is to see someone regularly but ignore them. She seemed so aloof,I very nearly said something once.

I am also from a place (and moved to another place...) where it is perfectly normal to say, "Hello!" to EVERYONE (if not, it was a cause for deep suspicion and every family member would be asked why I had not said hello that day). I did this at uni, and my classmates (from big towns and cities) all thought it exceedingly odd.

Have you moved from an area where nobody acknowledged anyone outside of their immediate household, OP?

Just say hello? Don’t make a big deal of it, he’s probably just lonely and that’s part of his routine. I’m used to that as we live in the middle of nowhere so if we see anyone out walking the dogs, we always say hello as do they. Maybe city folk are more wary..

I think the crazy lady doesn't want to start a sexual relationship with this wellwisher.

Please can someone explain the trans man comment!

I think you just need to say hello and then get on with your day. Do you really think that, if you say hello, he is then going to accost you? I really think that is unlikely, more that he’s a bit lonely and says ‘hello” to anyone who passes by. You might be the only person he sees all day, for all you know, or maybe the only one who says “hello” back. Yes, it’s possible that he might be unwell mentally, but is that a valid reason to totally ignore him? Just say hello and continue on your way.

Why? He hasn’t done anything at all.

“I feel uncomfortable when this man says hello to me - I get a bad feeling about him.”

”No - ignore your instincts, interact with the man who scares you. Be kind”

Why are we telling a woman to ignore her instincts about a man she does not know?

Just give him a wave . However you sound flipping horrible.

Where in the country, roughly is this happening?

where I walk to my local shop, there’s a few houses with elderly people and they often just stand and watch the world go by (and say hello to all passing!). I’m guessing some are lonely, some belong to an era when this was the norm and one probably does have mental health needs (I’m not sure why I’d treat him any differently by the by - let’s try avoid the overt stigmatisation) by all means, don’t say hello back if you don’t want to, but it’s hardly something to get worked up about. Just walk on by. Problem solved. Also, I’m all for following your instinct but I would say I normally say hello back and the only thing that’s happened to me is an elderly lady asked did I need an umbrella as it was pouring rain - I could drop it back the next day. I don’t think she had any nefarious intentions…