Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

So you assume all men are weird and creepy and all women are not? How very silly.

Just say hello. No need for any drama. 🙄

Heres your throwaway post @RogueFemale

“Are you being kind to trans-identifying men?”

Context?

Just ignore him if it makes you uncomfortable. I don't think there's a right or wrong response to him calling 'hello'.

I am a lot younger. When I was in my 20s, I used to walk to work with my colleague and there was an older man (70s?) who would stand at his doorstep everyday and comment at anyone who walked past. It was every morning without fail. My colleague and I would just nod absent-mindedly when he said anything to us (which was usually something on the lines of 'it's gonna rain', 'you ladies need an umbrella'). We weren't bothered as we saw him as a bit lonely. Some people ignored him. So there's no right or wrong way.

But you said you think he has dementia

There are a lot of weird replies on this thread. OP clearly isn’t confused about moving somewhere rural where people actually talk to each other - this man’s behaviour is unusual and she’s right not to want to get involved without knowing more.

OP if you find him unsettling, definitely don’t go saying hello back. Worst thing that happens when you ignore him is he feels a bit snubbed (he’ll live). Trust your instincts.

Maybe when you’ve lived there longer you’ll be able to ask your new neighbours what the deal with him is, but until then maybe walk a different route to the Co-op if you can. He could be perfectly harmless or he could not, but either way you don’t need to be worrying at that when you’re going to buy your groceries.

Unless you actually work there, surely there are more interesting ways to spend your time than going to the Co-op repeatedly?

Are you not in a position to be able to set up regular grocery delivery (maybe from a different supermarket if necessary)?

I’m not saying you have to change your behaviour because of this man, but it might be helpful for you to alter your habits and find more satisfying routines so you have more interesting things to think about.

Where I live, it’s perfectly normal and you would be seen as incredibly rude and stand-offish if you didn’t respond.

Where do you draw the line? Is basic politeness always off the table? Do you it say thank you to shop staff? Should girls be impolite to their male teachers?

Wheres the line? Because this fella is saying hello and it’s good manners as a human, wether male or female, to say hello back

Good job you don't live in many parts of France - it is normal to say bonjour when you first see someone each day.
He won't be outside once winter starts. Just say hello back and move on.

You have to face the statistical fact that if there’s going to be any ‘weirdness’ towards a woman, it’s overwhelmingly more likely to be from a man than another woman. The op has been on the receiving end already. Why is it silly to fear it might happen again? If this kind of unwanted interaction were to occur with texts or messages which made someone uncomfortable, you’d get lots of posts saying ‘block him’!

Hassling someone with texts is a completely different ballgame to saying good morning to someone passing you in the street!!

Texts and messages aren't the same thing as a brief hello.

Are you really comparing someone saying “hello!” in the street to an ongoing series of harassing text messages?

If i walk to the local shop I say hello to everyone I pass, hopefully they don’t all think I’m a creep!!

OP we also have a man on the way to our co-op (wonder if it is the same one)

I avoid contact now because DH got him a mars bar and now he shouts at DH if he doesn't get him anything.

It's tricky because he is always there.

Quite a few people have said that they do. It’s honestly not that weird. He’s probably just lonely. You mentioned the possibility of dementia, and I think you might be right.

You’ve clearly got past experiences that have made you considerably more wary than most people, that’s totally understandable. You are not obliged to say hello to anyone you don’t want to.

Personally I’d assume he’s just lonely and say hello back while carrying on walking briskly to make it clear that I’m not stopping for a conversation. However, I’m pretty confident in these situations and would feel able to extricate myself should the situation become threatening. If you lack that confidence I can see that you’d be more wary. Maybe ask a neighbour about him if you get the chance.

I would say hello back.

He is stationary and predictable, it doesn’t sound threatening (although granted I haven’t seen it myself) It doesn’t appear that he is going to cause you any harm, or intends to cause you harm. He isn’t singling you out if he says hello to everyone. I wouldn’t stop, but I’d say a cheery hello as I walked past. If I became more comfortable I might even add a ‘lovely weather today’ or ‘isn’t it chilly’ etc.

How do you know he is outside his house for hours?

This. What a nasty piece of work.

Wait, does declaring you’ve been raped on MN mean that nobody can challenge you other views??

Then she needs to accept she’s rude, which she’s pushing back against because apparently it’s fine to be rude to people who are men or may have dementia

OP possibly is perhaps anxious ?

OP I get your feelings (though mine are paranoia and you don't want to head down that route) so I do get You, but to just say a nice Hello as you walk pass won't hurt.
He probably does that to everyone.
We have a lovely Man near to us who says Good Morning to everyone (granted He goes for a walk to the shop so not always at his gate).
You don't have to be involved with Him in any way love. PS I am 60 too.

And the 4 people who agree with her she thanks 🤣 and says “See! This person says I’m right” ignoring the other 96%

Perhaps because the OP said in her OP that he isn’t being creepy.

Is it ALWAYS creepy when men say hello to women??