Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

My Mum is in the severe stage of dementia and is now on end of life care. One of the only words she can say now is 'Hello.' She repeats it over and over again, even when we've been sat and talking with her for her ages. And when we respond to tell her who we are she forgets and says 'Hello' again and again.

Perhaps this chap also has dementia. It sounds like it. Unless you have any significant concerns that him saying 'Hello' is sinister, why not just say it back? If he has got dementia then he won't remember saying it to you or what your response was. Which might explain why he's saying it every day.

I'm with the 96% of voters who all agree YABU.

Just weird behaviour, scurrying past and not being able to return a 'hello' to someone you see pretty regularly since moving in.

Thanks all for the heated debate, actually really fun. The best comment was Mewling's

Just say hi and move on.. I’m not one for social interactions but I was brought up that if someone says hello to you, you say it back. No one’s asking you to have a full blown conversation with him. Even my autistic son says morning to someone if they say hello. And he hates people in general. Not many social skills, but he knows that.

I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

Maybe he is a retired, lonely man, people watching, trying to initiate a small talk for some human interaction.

You don’t have to say hello to him if you don’t want to but if you think he’s got dementia then there’s no need to be unkind about him.

I think the best comment was the one about transwomen that you forgot and denied you said 😂

You sound rude and weird. And a miserable. Glad I don’t know you or waste my breath saying hello to you.

Man the same age inherited his mother house, he visits at weekends and the odd week. Intends to retire here. He's often at his front door because he smokes and doesn't like to indoors.

I'd ask at the co-op if they know him and if he's okay.

And to appease you're-a-cunt-sayers, I'm going to engage with the man-who-constantly-stands-outside.

I'll let y'all know what happens. I'm sure it'll be all lovely.

If someone is angry/upset/worried..... it's valid to then is it not?

A 2 year old bring hysterical over not being able to jump in a puddle seems silly to most adults but to that toddler it's really important, it's valid to them? Just because somthing doesn't upset us or make us feel a certain way doesn't mean it's like that for everyone

I don't think it's discriminatory to stay away from someone your uncomfortable around. It's not like she's swearing at him or being abusive, she's pretending she hasn't heard him

We already know what will happen:
Nothing
He’ll say hello. You’ll say hello
Will be the most anticlimactic thing ever

If someone feels uncomfortable because there’s a black person in the room, is that a valid feeling?

Children aren’t a good comparisons. Because they’re children.

Its pretty discriminatory to be rude because he’s a man or she thinks he has some sort of disability, yes

Yeah, or he could become obsessed with me and stalk me and I'd have to go to the police. Or he could break into my house and try to rape me. Or all sorts of lovely things that men do.

And has already decided to visit the co-op numerous times a day because thats not as strange as a man standing on his doorstep saying hello to a passerby.

A PP was right. This is a poor attempt to write a post about trans.
Well spotted PP.

The OP had us all going there.

You obviously don't want to reply to his greeting so why are you even asking? Just say a breezy hello and keep walking, you don't even have to make eye contact. And if not, just... don't.

Nothing will happen, you'll go to the co op and he'll stand on the doorstep.

Honestly OP you need help. This man has done little more than said one word to you and you assume he’s going to do the worst things ever. That level of anger and anxiety isn’t normal. Yes some men do bad things, but it’s utterly illogical to think anll men do bad things. And not very conducive to an happy annd peaceful life.

Are you like this with all men? What are you like with male colleagues and relatives?

I think maybe you ought to go and see a doctor as you obviously need some help

I can see where you’re coming from, in that some people might see it as a form of unwanted attention, but it’s very sad that some of us are conditioned to think that somebody (in Mumsnet speak, a man) who says hello has “sinister” motives.

It reminds of the (now discredited) message “never talk to strangers” that we heard as children. And of the Mumsnet line “anybody who rings my doorbell without an appointment has sinister motives, so I never answer the door).

He is saying hello to her not inviting her in her house. When he does that, then op can use her gut feeling and not go inside.

This is what is wrong with modern society and that’s exactly why there is no longer any sense of community - an old lonely man saying hello is seen as not my problem if he is lonely, why should I say hello back. Then don’t but don’t ask people for their opinion.

Having read your comments, OP, I think it’s very unlikely indeed that the man will become obsessed with you or try to break into your home - once you’ve engaged with him and he realises what you’re like, he will be far too busy running in the opposite direction 🤣🤣🤣

I’m sure if he gets to know you that won’t happen.

How do you cope with male staff in the co op OP? If you assume the absolute worst based on basically nothing other than speaking the English language, how do you cope with men serving you?

Well that's the oddest thread I've read in a while 🤔