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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I end long running "play date"?

128 replies

llamashoe · 15/09/2025 20:08

So for the past 2 years (possibly more but I've lost count), my DS's (aged 9) best friend has been coming to ours after school every Friday. It started out pretty well but now they're getting older I'm finding they tend to sit on separate devices playing different videogames which I don't really see the point in?! They also sometimes argue and I feel like I have to intervene - although this doesnt happen too often. Yet my son is really set on having this playdate.... (sorry I hate the term playdate but its what my son calls it). My son is never invited to his friend's house, ever.

I work nearly full time and just want a quiet end to the week not to be getting asked for numerous snacks, having to fix technical problems or intervene in arguments. I've clearly got myself into a situation that I am going to struggle to get out of! There is also another wee boy who my son has started to invite on Fridays too now so sometimes I end up with 4 or 5 children in my home (I have a younger child too).

I am reluctant to speak to the mum as her English is not at all fluent and Im worried she'd take it the wrong way. 😔 the boy is a lovely child, I am just done with the playdate situation.

YABU: suck it up you created the situation.
YANBU: figure out a way to end it, or make it less frequent?

Advice welcome.

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 16/09/2025 12:16

StrawberryFreckles · 16/09/2025 08:36

It’s all mad.

Having a child over every single Friday.
Having a child over and then the two friends just sit there.
Thinking nine year olds don’t paint or play Lego. I don’t know if you think they are too grown up for that or too little.
Being unable to say no to your son.
Putting a nine year old first always and giving him the impression that he is in charge of you.
Being concerned that he will feel jealous in the future that his sister has a friend over.
Asking for advice about what to do about all this and then batting every suggestion away.

Exactly!!! Who is the parent here?? There doesn’t seem to be any actual parenting going on at all ?!! OP your son is your child not your friend and needs rules and knowing what is and isn’t acceptable and by the age of 9 should know full well he doesn’t behave like a 4 year old does in the playground bringing his friends over having already arranged they are coming over after school! This is the kind of thing you sort out when they are little! Also so is the what to do with guests when you invitee them over and having 2 kids not even playing together on the same game is not acceptable!!! Is the other kid just coming over for free childcare so the other mum gets a free Friday afternoon as that’s what it looks like!!’

Make it clear to your son that he stops inviting kids round when he wants to and if he does want to he says to them that he will ask his mum and his mum and your mum will arrange a suitable date and time and it won’t be this afternoon!!

stop with the “excuses” bollocks!! Just say no not today!!! No need to say why and if he goes on and say oh but why not mum you say firmly “I’ve said no now stop going on!”

Original poster
llamashoe · 16/09/2025 12:25

Nearly50omg · 16/09/2025 12:16

Exactly!!! Who is the parent here?? There doesn’t seem to be any actual parenting going on at all ?!! OP your son is your child not your friend and needs rules and knowing what is and isn’t acceptable and by the age of 9 should know full well he doesn’t behave like a 4 year old does in the playground bringing his friends over having already arranged they are coming over after school! This is the kind of thing you sort out when they are little! Also so is the what to do with guests when you invitee them over and having 2 kids not even playing together on the same game is not acceptable!!! Is the other kid just coming over for free childcare so the other mum gets a free Friday afternoon as that’s what it looks like!!’

Make it clear to your son that he stops inviting kids round when he wants to and if he does want to he says to them that he will ask his mum and his mum and your mum will arrange a suitable date and time and it won’t be this afternoon!!

stop with the “excuses” bollocks!! Just say no not today!!! No need to say why and if he goes on and say oh but why not mum you say firmly “I’ve said no now stop going on!”

Show quote history

I think its a bit of a leap to say there is no parenting going on here... I take your points on board.

OP posts:
cowandplough · 17/09/2025 11:14

Think it's called "taking the piss". I had a neighbour like that.

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