School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

[Sofia14]

Today, I went to collect my child from his primary school (London), but was told I couldn’t take him until after a parents’ meeting. The children were kept waiting in the hall for about 20 minutes.
The school only emailed about the meeting at 10.30am for 3.15pm. The message didn’t say it was compulsory or that kids wouldn’t be released. Staff were abrupt and didn’t apologise. I was unwell and really needed to get home. In the end, the meeting wasn’t urgent at all; it was about who the teachers are, what uniform to wear, and reminders about being polite/etiquette. All of this could easily have been sent by email.

AIBU to think the school had no right to keep my child like this?

Maybe who knows what their logic was. But I'd like to think it was well intended, even if a bit nuts. Remember its staff time too when they could be preparing for the next day.

I'm sticking with my theory that it was to get the message across orally or to give parents a chance to ask questions.

It might also be not everyone knows how to use translation software or if it works with PDF letters or the portal the school uses.

It would be an issue for me because as soon as I pick the primary school child up I have less than 5 minutes to get across town to pick up the middle school child at our meeting spot, I wouldn’t be leaving my 9 year old waiting on the side of the road for over 20 minutes especially if he didn’t know I would be a bit late. He got worried last week
because it took several minutes longer due to temporary traffic lights. So regardless of literally having to be somewhere else for another child, They cannot force you or your child to stay, you could have an appointment or have to take the kids to the childminder so you can get to work on time, any number of reasons that you can’t stay/have somewhere else to get to especially with that little notice

They should have had the meeting in school time surely. They have plenty of time. It's one thing to support the school and it's rules but there are limits and this would be mine.

This. ‘No’ would have been my answer. Absolutely no way in hell that my child’s school would even do this!

I can see the ‘teachers can do no wrong’ brigade at the start of the thread though 🤣

It is a bit odd, much easier to send an email.

The school has no right to stop kids from going with their parents unless there is a safeguarding concern and they have taken the correct steps with that.

I have no idea why anyone is ok with this kind of over-stepping. It's not only wrong, it's so stupid, it should be easy to see why this would not work for many families.

Personally I'd have told the teacher that if she didn't return my child I'd be making a complaint and if she didn't get a move on I'd be going into the room and collecting her myself.

I don't really think maintaining a "good relationship" with morons is all that important in this sort of context, it's more important to not put up with their BS or it will be endless. That doesn't mean undermining them when they are in the right, but they are not in the right here.

It really doesn't matter when the meeting was called, they still can't keep a child when the parent wants to pick her up.

There should have been more notice. Unfortunately some schools are so disorganised or unaware that life goes on outside their bubble. A bit like when little kids think their teachers all live at school. They think they can just click a button on an app and parents will just magically pop up at the right time.

It would have been an issue for me to find out at 10.30am as I'd have been at work and the childminder or granny would be picking them up, and/or they might be going straight to a club or tutor after school.

Haha, there’s a few of you around on here recently.

Don’t be silly. You know full well the reasons it could be a problem:

• childminders
• other children waiting at other schools / childcare settings
• work commitments
• medical appointments
• caring responsibilities
• etc etc

If you want to be a keyboard warrior you’re going to need to try a bit harder. You could do all capitals or use a cute zipped mouth emoji like your friend above.

Beat for the school to give more notice then and not make it mandatory. OP doesn’t think she’s special, you however…

She was ill. She did.

Yeah fuck that shit. Email me. So glad mine are now adults.

Doesn’t matter if it was well intentioned or not.
doesn’t matter if there was a weeks’ notice or not.
Doesn’t matter if the parents speak English or not.

They can’t hold your children back and prevent you from picking them up, except in safeguarding circumstances outlined by others.

But we don’t tend to jump to lawyers in this country. As outlined by an experienced governor above, I would make a formal complaint to the governor’s.

Does anyone know what the next step is if you are not satisfiEd with the response?

I have children at more than one school and our au pair picks up the kids. So this would definitely have been a problem for me. I’m sure it’s not that unusual to not be able to give 20mins extra to pick up time.

Hang on. I don’t think you avoid conflict with the school even if things don’t feel right.

it’s how you handle the situation that matters.

You cannot go through life just avoiding conflict. You don’t want to be a drama Queen or a PITA or suing the school but there is a middle ground of common sense you know?

I think finding that middle ground in an assertive but friendly way by asking the school directly might be a better way to build the connection. Ask them why ? Say it was a surprise to you and you are curious to understand the children being held back and if that’s a normal occurrence. Ask if an email was sent out prior as you didn’t get it ( check your junk) and have you updated all of your contact details?

Choose to work WITH the school to listen and understand their perspective first, checking for any admin issues in the process. Then decide what you think your boundaries need to be in terms of reasonable. Ie if you are unwell and a meeting is expected , it’s unreasonable to expect you to attend and you email/ phone in advance to let them know you can’t make and will collect then do it.

Short answer is no. They had no right to keep them after school. Refusing to give you your child is going beyond. You could have other kids to collect and that kid is now waiting at their school. Particularly secondary kids who could now be waiting alone for a pick up. Or you could have work and not get paid so a financial impact. Child-minders may have been Collecting so they wouldn’t need to attend the meeting.

the school didn’t give sufficient notice for the meeting.

if there are no safeguarding concerns then you can pick your child up early and the school can’t stop you.

in an extreme situation then you could have actually called the police as the school are keeping your child and refusing you access. This is obviously going above and beyond.

I would speak to other y6 parents and all agree on a letter to send to the head teacher and lodge a complaint.

probably get roasted but sometimes schools overstep and i taught for 20 years.

I know. I was responding to the other poster that you quoted, who didn't believe OP's account.

I would definitely have left the older kid at school. Maybe asked the staff to drop him home if they couldn't release him RIGHT NOW.

My younger DC's nursery has a late fee of £18 plus £1 per minute. Being 20 minutes late would cost me £38.

It's much less costly being "late" for school pick-up than nursery.

This makes no sense at all. They can’t withhold your child unless there is a serious safeguarding concern.

I pick up my youngest and then have to drive half an hour to the next town to pick up my older child from secondary school. I would not have been able to hang around after school for 20 mins with no prior arrangement (and an email at 10:30 am wouldn’t have cut it either, it would take quite arranging my husband finding work early to get one of them).

Grandchildren school has form for being last minute with information like the night before so there's a mad sharing of information to whichever grandparents are collecting them the next day.

Childminders nurseries who do multiple pick ups are excused.

I think it's out of order to be honest.

Your English is excellent - much better than a lot of people on MN who speak it as their first language!

I worked in a primary school office for many years until quite recently and the school has no right to stop you from taking your child out of school at any time of the day either during lessons or after school so long as you have full parental rights. They can try to dissuade you but they cannot enforce this. I would Caveat this with saying that if you try to regularly take your child out of school during the school day for no good reason you will soon find the Borough Educational Welfare Officer on your doorstep!

I'm thinking if that had happened here, there would be chaos. The younger the school, the earlier the let out.

I have a grandchild in first school and one just started at middle school.

We do the school pick ups most days. We pick up the youngest then get home to await the arrival of the eldest.

We are not the parents, so do not need to be in meetings. We also have to get back for the eldest, so this absolutely would not fly and they would be told as much. Nonsense about not having enough staff for the release is their issue, not mine. Their fault for not arranging it with proper notice, their problem to solve.