That DH has gone out for lunch

[Farmwifefarmlife]

With his friend rather than us on his birthday ?

DH birthday today we don’t do anything fancy but normally go for lunch or dinner. I asked him yesterday his plans for today if working ect ( he’s self employed) he said he wasn’t sure. Then this morning he says he’s going for lunch in town with friend. Me and DC are left at home and I feel a bit put out tbh especially as I’m currently baking a cake and making home made donuts for him!
AIBU to feel a bit miffed and that we all could have gone out as a family.

Aw let him meet a mate on his birthday!

This. It’s his birthday, not yours.

I'd normally suggest plans if I wanted to spend time with someone on their birthday and not just act of they had any.

To be fair to him you hadn't actually planned anything before yesterday so when his mate suggested going for dinner it's not like he was cancelling plans with you. It would have been better to have had the discussion last week and made a booking if you wanted something set in concrete?

Why didn't you suggest something weeks ago instead of waiting until the day before his birthday to ask if he had any plans? In our family, we plan a birthday days/weeks ahead so everyone knows whats' happening.

YABU! I'm probably biased though as my friend always meets me for lunch or a coffee on her birthday, so her husband tends to arrange something for the evening.

I'm probably a pain in the ass as well, as I very rarely take the day off work for mine, when everyone's expecting to do something with me.

Let him enjoy his birthday as he sees fit.

He wanted to see his mate, on his birthday, which was his choice. 💯
I honestly do not know what the problem is? 🤔

If he had gone off with his pal on YOUR birthday, then I could understand being annoyed.
Let him enjoy his birthday, in his own way.

unfortunately DH runs day to day rather than week by week. Asking him last night I still couldn’t get an answer to if he was here / away today. If he had of said he was 100% at home I’d of suggested going out for lunch. Dinner is trick as have young DC. I get it’s his birthday it’s just normally we’d normally spend it together, we don’t do much together so would have just been nice but maybe I am being unreasonable.

DH runs day by day rather than week by week! Even last night he didn’t know what he was doing. That’s normal in our house booking things weeks in advance just isn’t us due to our lifestyles/ work.

I agree with you OP. I think he should have followed birthday tradition and gone for lunch with family and arranged to see his friend for a drink or tea during the week.
If he is self-employed I imagine he works very hard and long hours, meaning family time is even more special.
Once your a parent your birthday isn't really about you, it should be a celebration with your family.

It’s his birthday, neither options are right or wrong. It’s up to him surely.

I think that’s the thing if we regularly went out I don’t think I’d be as bothered but it’s been about 6 months since we went out for lunch and well over a year for dinner. DH is a farmer so we don’t see much of him as it is.

He's self-employed so must know if he's working the next day or not. Why didn't he know? And why didn't you then ask "Well if you're not working, let's go out as a family"?

YABU as you didn’t actually arrange to do anything with him.

If he is a farmer then it's pretty common to work all hours unfortunately and this must be something you understood when marrying him and having children?

If you want a meal out why not book one. If he's free great you all go if not you cancel or you and the kids go instead?

This. You could have done that. And why are you baking all kinds of things for him if you're angry? Doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't want cake, etc off someone who was upset with me.

It's his birthday and you're making it about everyone but him. It's not like you'd suggested lunch to him so how was he supposed to know you wanted to go out as a family?

I wouldn't be too upset. You can still have the cake later.

“I didn’t arrange anything and then DH did”…

I did ask he literally said he didn’t know what he was doing today, I’ve booked & cancelled countless things so would have just gone into town if he was free. He just announced first thing he was going to lunch with friend I did say then that we could of gone out as a family if he’d of told me the evening before he was going to be around.

Can you not go out for dinner with him later?

I'd expect friends and non-immediate family would see him for a birthday lunch, and then he'd spend the evening dinner/cake with us, his immediate family

We always go out as a family for birthdays normally for lunch as have young DC it’s just very difficult to pin DH down. I’m clearly being unreasonable so I apologise for feeling upset.

Well if you wanted to have lunch with him then you should have said so.

Yes I get that he works day to day etc, and its difficult to plan anything, but surely a 'if you are free on your Birthday, shall we do lunch?' would have been sufficient. Asking him if he has plans, and suggesting doing something together is totally different.

Maybe he doesn't see his friend often and thought it would be nice to take the opportunity to catch up with them.

Dinner is tricky as young DC, we don’t normally see other people friends / family for birthdays ect

Thing is, even if we accept he works day to day and won't plan a week ahead, you still asked him "if he had any plans" rather than saying "Let's go out for lunch tomorrow".

YABU.