to not invite my sister for Christmas?

[NameChangedforThis3036]

Our mother died in late August of dementia. Our dad died about a decade ago. I have three kids of university age. My sister has no kids as she never really wanted them, and she married a horrible man who had an affair and then left her.

I feel completely and utterly shattered after my mum's illness and death. I long, long, long to have Christmas with just my husband and kids, and no one else. I am dead with exhaustion after this year. Sis did more care, as she had more time, but obvs the whole thing is/was awful for us both.

Would I be unreasonable not to invite my sister for Christmas? She'll be on her own otherwise or have to go to friends, as our parents are gone and she's getting divorced. I know it sounds awful but I'm just so strung out. And I love Christmas just us.

Help!

No, no, it was my mother's partner who died. He was 87. Not my sister's partner.

I'm wondering whether she has seen this thread and recognised her sister.

Can you imagine? Your mother dies, then your partner dies, and the only family you have left is the OP who is only concerned about having the kind of Christmas she wants with the "Three Musketeers".

I think in the OP's sister's position I'd rather spend Christmas Day with my colleagues and patients.

Her partner did not die, our mother's partner died. Read!

Yes, but not at the expense of leaving their recently bereaved sister alone.

Rarely has my ghast been so flabbered. Lucky you, your sister is being lovely again and working at Christmas, so you get what you want.

MY SISTER'S PARTNER DID NOT DIE! OUR MOTHER'S PARTNER DIED!

Edit: I see how my response looked. The "her" referred to my mum. Because someone upthread had written something like "Where's your mother's partner in all this?"

MANY people know that when circumstances change, they do the right thing, even if it’s not what they want, because that’s what people who aren’t selfish asshats do.

The fact that several people made the same mistake should tell you that your post was not clear.

Jesus, you get worse and worse. Cold, unfeeling and rude to boot.

Dear lord!

’not a natural caregiver ‘ well that solves everything then doesn’t it.

Plenty of people aren’t but we don’t get to pick and choose who needs care.

You would have found it scarring? Well boo fucking hoo. Your sister is not immune from trauma because she’s a professional

I’m so glad she’a working- for her sake not yours.

I can’t quite believe your post is real.

Did you not say earlier in the thread that you don't think you'll ever be alone for Christmas because you have three children?

If you only have one child I think it's quite likely that you will be alone for Christmas at some point in your life. And if you aren't, it will be because other people show you the kind of charity that you lack.

Nope, not in the slightest. You come across as more narcissistic with each post. I do hope that your daughter spends it elsewhere.

Trying not to be outing. My daughter would never leave me alone for Christmas if I didn't have my DH. That's why I'm confident about it.

You mean your daughter would never be so cruel as to treat you the way you treat your sister?

It's different. I raised my daughter. I didn't raise my sister.

I went back and saw that it wasn't clear. Apologies.

But if everyone thinks like you, no-one will want you with them.

Because she’s not self centred? Because you’ve emotionally manipulated her to put you first?

I'm not saying I'm right about Christmas, I'm saying it's the way I feel. And I have bent over backwards for others too many times.

I refer you back to my posts about spending Christmas alone. It was bad enough being forced to do it, let alone knowing you are unwanted by your family.

Good luck when the day comes. Like I say, I hope it makes you reflect.

Wow! Snotty, much?
Your post DID make it sound like your sister's partner died.

Don't know why you think it's not real. Many people aren't that into their first family once they have their own families.

Yes, you raised your daughter.

And the lesson you are currently teaching your daughter is that it's OK to leave family members alone at Christmas.

And that when she has a husband and child it's perfectly fine for her to have a small, intimate Christmas with just the "Three Musketeers".

What goes around comes around, OP. Karma is a bitch.

Why won't your daughter want Christmas with just her 'little family' of her partner and dc in future?

You reap what you sow.

Oh dear lord please dont start with that. Anything can be a reverse can't it. 🤦‍♀️

You do realise that according to that definition, once your daughter has her "own family" you will become part of her "first family", right?

Yeah, I'm going to do that.

I don't really get the responses. Mumsnet is often all about protecting your family unit and holding your boundaries and not giving in to others outside it when you don't want to.