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Original poster

To ask school if DS can have his phone in class?

116 replies

Bigon · 14/09/2025 20:35

I'm sure you must think I'm U from the title alone but let me explain..

DS is 14, he's had a colostomy about 14 months ago, he had bowel issues since birth really and has a chronic bowel condition missed a lot of school but since the colostomy it has given him a better quality of life, though he still has flare ups a lot which cause a lot of pain and output and just exhausation, all he does when at home is lay down. They're worse when he's anxious but also happen randomly. He tries his best to get himself into school but it doesn't always happen.

He's confident at changing the bag at home because he can take all the time he needs but when out in public or at school he is less so. I usually help him when we're in public because once he's stressed, he rushes and gets worked up. He doesn't have an EHCP but school have given him a toilet pass, but he still panics at school about changing it and obviously staff can't help and I wouldn't expect them to and he wouldn't want that, I think he'd find it embarrassing.

He had a lot of time off last year due to the flare ups, and times where he was sent home because of the pain. He's just started year 10 so he's really trying this year.

Anyway, on Thursday he was in the middle of a flare up but he forced himself to go in, he came home and told me in one of the lessons he had a supply. He admitted he had been talking and the supply had written his name on the board as a warning, but about halfway through the lesson he asked the teacher if he could go to the toilet. The teacher said no and DS explained he had a pass and showed him, he still said no and told him to wait until the end of the lesson. In the end he did let DS go, he had to change his bag and he took longer than usual because as I said he tries to rush but it has the opposite effect where he gets worked up and takes longer. He also said his stomach was really hurting so he had to sit down for a while. He missed half the lesson and when he went back it was almost time for the next one, the teacher “had a go” at him and accused him of messing around and gave him a detention for Friday.

Friday, he didn't go in because dragging him through Thursday took it out of him, he even missed football training so he wasn't lying. I tried to call the school and get the detention removed, and we had evidence he wasn't just messing around as he'd been to the medical office as his supplies are kept there. School didn't get back to me.

He didn't have his phone as they put them in pouches but I was thinking of asking so if he needed to change it, he could message me and I could go in and help him. He's usually fine with not needing to change it during the school day but when he's in a flare up, its unavoidable. He's still in the flare up but was well enough to actually play football today (we were told to try and encourage this, even if he isn't well enough for school) so he's going to try and go but he's already anxious.

This is the first year of the phones in pouches, last year he would message me if he felt unwell (but felt too embarrassed to tell his teacher) and i’d phone the school and medical would check him over (or send him home which happened often).

Would this be unreasonable? Or should we just let this go and he can change it himself and take the detention?

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 14/09/2025 20:38

I can't see them going for it. I wouldn't really go down this route, instead I'd make sure every teacher knew of the issues he has and would be more sympathetic to his needs.

Surely they wouldn't want you coming in every day (more than once a day?) it just doesn't sound feasible

Thelnebriati · 14/09/2025 20:39

I thought from your thread title that you were being That Parent, but your DS being refused permission to go to the toilet when he has a colostomy bag is appalling, and the school aren't dealing with it.

IMO the school are discriminating against your son on the basis of disability, and I'd be escalating to a formal complaint. Plus I'd want an assurance he'd be able to go to the toilet when needed.

Han86 · 14/09/2025 20:41

How does he feel about you suggesting going into school to assist him?
I don't think a phone would be allowed for this, but what could be arranged is that he goes to the medical office and they then call you.
It is tough for supply teachers as they won't have details that teachers get about specific students so wouldn't know his needs, however they should not have ignored the medical card (however depending on school, some schools do say these are at the teacher discretion so maybe check with your child's school how these are being used/monitored as it may be that this needs changing).

Octavia64 · 14/09/2025 20:41

I think something does need to be done about this situation but letting him have his phone so he can phone you is not a solution.

adults who are not crb checked for that school need to be accompanied while on site. So a member of staff (reception staff or someone else would need to be with you at all times.

there is absolutely zero chance you would be allowed into the student toilets.

he needs an EHCP. This is exactly the sort of situation they are designed for, they are education and Healthcare plans.

you need to push this much much harder with school. Make an official complaint. Explain that is is disabled and requires help with this. Teachers handing out detentions for time spent dealing with it is not on.

Escalate to hear of year.

Ballywas · 14/09/2025 20:42

poor boy. The school need to sort themselves out!!!

Thedogscollar · 14/09/2025 20:44

Thelnebriati · 14/09/2025 20:39

I thought from your thread title that you were being That Parent, but your DS being refused permission to go to the toilet when he has a colostomy bag is appalling, and the school aren't dealing with it.

IMO the school are discriminating against your son on the basis of disability, and I'd be escalating to a formal complaint. Plus I'd want an assurance he'd be able to go to the toilet when needed.

Absolutely this. That's appalling behaviour from the school.

DameSylvieKrin · 14/09/2025 20:46

You don’t need to have the solution yet. Contact the school, explain what has happened and ask how they can guarantee that this situation never arises again. They should be as appalled as you are about it.

millymollymoomoo · 14/09/2025 20:46

If he asks to go to the toilet and they refuse he should just get up and go, especially as he has a pass

Irrespective of the phone/access to toilets etc a 14 yo lad having his mum go help him is just a recipe for embarrassment and shame! Would he actually be ok with this??

you should of course, complain about supply teacher and the incident with not being allowed to toilet

PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo · 14/09/2025 20:47

Could he have a watch that can message?
if you need a dbs for school then that is easily sorted via the office.
There may be a disabled toilet near reception that you could use.
Definitely ask for a chat with the SENCO so a plan can be put in place.

Allthefruit · 14/09/2025 20:47

He doesn't need his phone, the teachers just need a good talking to!
Please take this up at a senior level at the school, this is outrageous from them

ShanghaiDiva · 14/09/2025 20:47

I don’t think you going in to school is the solution. As pp have mentioned you would need to be accompanied on site.
i would push this back to the school. Explain what happened with the supply teacher, how your son feels about the situation, the detention etc and ask how both you and the school together can improve this situation going forward as what happened to your son is clearly unacceptable.

Original poster
Bigon · 14/09/2025 20:48

This teacher was a supply and wasn't actually from their school I don't think (DS said he'd never seen him before), his teachers last year were quite good and told him to just go without asking as they knew he had a pass, this year he's not got the same ones and only went back on Monday and he's already having issues, I think that's just going to add to his anxiety.

While the class teachers were good the communication was poor, he'd feel embarrassed telling the teacher he didn't feel well although they know about his medical condition, I can understand why he didn't feel comfortable in front of the class. He’d message me and tell me he was in a lot of pain for example and i’d call the school and they'd say they'll send someone to check on him but usually they didn't communicate that until over an hour later so he'd be in class in pain and not being able to focus. On one occasion it was actually break time and he went to them himself and they just said “oh yes X we were coming to find you”. And yes, I have complained about this, they say they'll do better and now obviously this. He's also worrying because he didn't go to the detention Friday (because he wasn't in) it'll turn into an isolation as that's what usually happens when there's a missed detention

Sorry for the rant!

OP posts:
Offherrockingchair · 14/09/2025 20:49

I’d be in to see the head on Monday. The supply teacher needs firing! How incredibly cruel and unnecessary. I’d also be making a formal complaint to the governors and the LEA and Ofsted. There’s simply no excuse.

PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo · 14/09/2025 20:49

The SENCo then needs to ensure that every teacher and supply teacher is aware of his toilet pass.
Are you close enough he could come home and change it. Or is there a disabled toilet in the medical room?
it is up to the school to provide for his needs as long as it is a reasonable adjustment, and these are all reasonable adjustments.

Ineffable23 · 14/09/2025 20:50

DameSylvieKrin · 14/09/2025 20:46

You don’t need to have the solution yet. Contact the school, explain what has happened and ask how they can guarantee that this situation never arises again. They should be as appalled as you are about it.

This. If they aren't then see about other options like you are suggesting.

Ilovemyshed · 14/09/2025 20:50

All of this is dreadful and I hope you can resolve with the school. Meanwhile, would a drainable bag help? Or perhaps a two part bag. It may take some of the stress of changing it away.

RunAwayNow · 14/09/2025 20:51

Definitely make a complaint to the school. But you going in to help him isn't a sustainable solution, so he needs an EHCP.

Elisheva · 14/09/2025 20:52

Has he got an Individual Healthcare Plan (IHP)?

Hercisback1 · 14/09/2025 20:52

I phone isn't the answer here sorry. All sorts of safeguarding issues with letting you into school unsupervised.

The actions from the supply teacher aren't great. I can see how it happened, but I'd be contacting school and talking through how it won't happen again.

NotABiscuitInSight · 14/09/2025 20:53

How would it work in practice of he called you? Wouldn't you need to sign in at the office? So he could go there first to notify them to cal you?

Fwiw I think schools cam treat kids terribly xompared to adult workplaces, sorry for you both x

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 14/09/2025 20:53

DameSylvieKrin · 14/09/2025 20:46

You don’t need to have the solution yet. Contact the school, explain what has happened and ask how they can guarantee that this situation never arises again. They should be as appalled as you are about it.

This.
There's a definite flaw in the system and lack of communication here.
The supply was obviously completely unaware of his needs.

Speak to his teacher/ year head and ask for a plan to be put in place within school: guaranteed toilet pass, unrestricted access to medical office.. whatever is reasonable to help him cope.

I doubt that they'll agree to your phone proposal but I'm sure they do not want him to be repeatedly placed in such a distressing situation so will offer a practical solution.

Namenamchange · 14/09/2025 20:53

Your poor son, I would be so angry with the school for not letting him go. The problem is these situations will continue, I think it’s admirable that he even attends school under the circumstances.
I doubt that you would be able to go in and assist due to dbs and an echo will take at least 26 weeks.
Personally I’d go to the school and ask them to find a solution, I’d also ask the school if he could had an old Nokia in his bag, turned off, for emergencies if they said no, I’d still send it in with him anyway. He can put the smart phone in the pouch.

SeptemberIRemember · 14/09/2025 20:54

Is it possible for the school to issue him with a pass that allows him to go to the medical office when he needs to? It could say something to the effect that he has a medical condition and must be allowed to do this when he asks and it’s not at the teacher’s discretion.

Once there he could get his supplies and they could give him some sort of note which explains that he may be out of class for some time, thus removing the pressure on him to hurry.

Although it may not be ideal for you to go in and help him, it should be possible to get you DRB checked with enhanced disclosure (I think this costs them £49:50 for a volunteer, I looked it up yesterday, but you could offer to pay) so you can be in this school unescorted if necessary.

My sympathies to you both. Your son is trying his best to be in school although it’s difficult for him, and you are doing all you can to support him.

While I’ve been writing this 10+ new posts have appeared which I can’t read so there may have been better suggestions or cross-posts.

Pricelessadvice · 14/09/2025 20:55

I’d hazard a guess that the supply teacher wasn’t aware. A phone call to the school is needed to explain the importance of ALL teachers who might teach him needing to know that information.

As for the phone, you can’t expect the school to let you come in and help him change his bag, surely? Also, wouldn’t his mates/other kids find that weird if they realised what was happening?

SeriouslyWhataMess · 14/09/2025 20:58

He needs an EHCP. I wouldn’t be happy at all about this. I think meetings with the senco and head are needed. Does the school have a passport system in place? Ours has a page for each child with medical or additional needs that flags up at registration for each class, so every teacher, permanent or supply, has immediate access to their needs. There is no excuse for not knowing, or ignoring any issues that occur.