To ask school if DS can have his phone in class?

[Bigon]

I'm sure you must think I'm U from the title alone but let me explain..

DS is 14, he's had a colostomy about 14 months ago, he had bowel issues since birth really and has a chronic bowel condition missed a lot of school but since the colostomy it has given him a better quality of life, though he still has flare ups a lot which cause a lot of pain and output and just exhausation, all he does when at home is lay down. They're worse when he's anxious but also happen randomly. He tries his best to get himself into school but it doesn't always happen.

He's confident at changing the bag at home because he can take all the time he needs but when out in public or at school he is less so. I usually help him when we're in public because once he's stressed, he rushes and gets worked up. He doesn't have an EHCP but school have given him a toilet pass, but he still panics at school about changing it and obviously staff can't help and I wouldn't expect them to and he wouldn't want that, I think he'd find it embarrassing.

He had a lot of time off last year due to the flare ups, and times where he was sent home because of the pain. He's just started year 10 so he's really trying this year.

Anyway, on Thursday he was in the middle of a flare up but he forced himself to go in, he came home and told me in one of the lessons he had a supply. He admitted he had been talking and the supply had written his name on the board as a warning, but about halfway through the lesson he asked the teacher if he could go to the toilet. The teacher said no and DS explained he had a pass and showed him, he still said no and told him to wait until the end of the lesson. In the end he did let DS go, he had to change his bag and he took longer than usual because as I said he tries to rush but it has the opposite effect where he gets worked up and takes longer. He also said his stomach was really hurting so he had to sit down for a while. He missed half the lesson and when he went back it was almost time for the next one, the teacher “had a go” at him and accused him of messing around and gave him a detention for Friday.

Friday, he didn't go in because dragging him through Thursday took it out of him, he even missed football training so he wasn't lying. I tried to call the school and get the detention removed, and we had evidence he wasn't just messing around as he'd been to the medical office as his supplies are kept there. School didn't get back to me.

He didn't have his phone as they put them in pouches but I was thinking of asking so if he needed to change it, he could message me and I could go in and help him. He's usually fine with not needing to change it during the school day but when he's in a flare up, its unavoidable. He's still in the flare up but was well enough to actually play football today (we were told to try and encourage this, even if he isn't well enough for school) so he's going to try and go but he's already anxious.

This is the first year of the phones in pouches, last year he would message me if he felt unwell (but felt too embarrassed to tell his teacher) and i’d phone the school and medical would check him over (or send him home which happened often).

Would this be unreasonable? Or should we just let this go and he can change it himself and take the detention?

I am a Head of Year.
Your son sounds very resilient, coping with this at age 14. I think having to message you isn't appropriate, not because he should not have access to you, but because school should be better supporting your son. It's time to have a meeting with the HOY, perhaps an assistant head, perhaps the senco. There needs to be a better and more supportive plan in place. Your son shouldn't be begging to go to the toilet.

Aw poor kid. Hope you get it sorted with the school OP.

I agree with people. DS should NOT have been treated like this, and the fact he was is appalling. The phone idea is NOT going to help though. If the school are going to be a sloppy as this about letting supply teachers know what your son needs, he's going to get in as much trouble for getting his phone out as he is for trying to go to the toilet. You need to impress on the school that they HAVE to make sure that all supply teachers know that some children have toilet passes and when they are shown a toilet pass they MUST let the child go. Make sure the Headteacher and the SENCO know what happened and if it happens again get the governors involved, or even the LA as it's a serious breech of the law.

Does he still have a consultant/ specialist nurse? I would ask for their help in writing a more effective healthcare plan - at his age they should be moving towards preparation for adulthood so assuming no additional needs, they should also be supporting in helping him to manage better without needing you to go in.

Either his specialist nurse or the school nursing team / co-ordinator should be liaising with school to put a plan in place. Ask them both to set up a meeting to discuss what is needed.

The supply teacher should have been told that OP's son must go to the toilet on request because of having a colostomy. It's quite outrageous that the school did not do this when they knew the supply would take OP's DS's class.

I’m a Secondary HOY. Forget the EHC in the short term. By the time it goes through, he’ll be nearing the end of Year 10 if it’s anything like my LA.

He needs a Healthcare Plan put in place by the school. As part of the plan, it can be written in that he has a toilet pass and can leave the room urgently if needed. It can also say that staff must check on him and contact home, if needed.

Unfortunately, I can happen that supply teachers go against school policy and refuse things like passes. While most supply supply teachers are amazing, some aren’t! While upsetting, it’s likely to be a one off mistake

Make an appointment with your son’s Head of Year to setup the Healthcare plan. I am really surprised this hasn’t been done already!

But it doesn't matter if the supply teacher wasn't aware, he had a medical card, which he told them about. They don't need detail about the condition, if anyone has a medical card they let them go, that's it. It's pretty simple, you aren't allowed to ignore that. Teachers don't need the details of the condition, or an explanation of how it affects them. To get one such evidence who have had to been given to SNECO or HOY, so they've already checked it.

OP it sounds really hard, make a formal complaint, if they continuously say they'll get better and don't, it's just the only way often. I understand why he gets stressed, and yes sometimes he will need lots of time in the toliet and shouldn't be further stressed out by the teachers reactions. Does he have like a pastoral year lead? Someone whose non-teaching he can talk to when's he's struggling?

Have a chat with the SENCO and HOY, they need to have a more structured support plan. Do they have a school counsellor? Or could you afford some therapy. It's very hard to mentally deal with a chronic illnesses especially when you're young, for younger kids the NHS tends to have some psychological support services like pay therapy. But I know there's some for teens, maybe ask your GP if they are aware of any.

Unless you have a full DBS, you can't go into the school.

The school needs to be more supportive and there needs to be a quick and clear mechanism of care.

Speak to the SENCO.

I would be asking for a written card that he can carry at all times explaining the medical need for toilet emergencies. Laminated and signed by the head or head of year. He can discretely pass it to any teacher questioning him and they can read it and act accordingly. A standard toilet pass is not good enough.
I would also ask if there is a toilet that can be used near reception for example, I imagine a diabled one might be the best option as youncant really go into the boys loos, I dont think they would let you. But one that if tou need to go in and help him can be allocated.
And potentially some sort of singalling so they can get an urgent message to student reception to call you to come in as I dont think they will let him have a phone. This can all be outlined on the card..
Something like a code red, where the stpes are on the card. Teacher calls student reception immediately and says the code word, they call you, he heads to the allocated toiket and you make your way in.

I don’t really see why he needs a phone in class for this. He doesn’t want to ask teachers to go to the bathroom and explain he isn’t feeling well in front of the class, but kids will demand to know why he’s allowed to use his phone when no one else is - it’s will be less discreet than a toilet pass as they’ll all know he gets special allowances with a phone and they won’t like it so will make a deal with it. The issue is with the staff not properly accommodating his toilet pass and this is what needs addressing. Does he actually want you coming in to school to take him to the toilet? I can’t imagine many 14 year old boys being happy with that. We have a disabled toilet in the entrance to our school, so you’d be able to take him to that one in our building; I wouldn’t know what they’d do if they didn’t have this facility as you’d need escorted around school.

Your son may not need an EHCP but he does need an Individual health care plan in school. There is legislation about this and the school has a responsibility to ensure suitable arrangements and reasonable adjustments are in place. This should include more flexibility about toilet access.

2015 but still in use:
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

I agree with this. Completely unacceptable of the supply who I would hope would be mortified by the situation and impact they had. You’re ds needs a better plan so he can take time if needed and not feel pressure to return to class.

Sorry your DS is in this position, but a mobile in class to call you is not the best solution. He really does need to manage the bag himself at his age and this long after the op. Having said that I think it is entirely appropriate for you to complain about the substitute teacher's behaviour and the detention. Put it in writing. Your DS should also learn from this that talking in class when he should be listening is going to cause him more problems than it is worth.

Put his phone with his bag kit so if he has to change it then he has his phone to call you

EHCP can be really difficult to get when a child has a physical condition/illness rather than a special educational need/learning disability (still worth applying but be prepared for the response to be useless). However school should have made him an IHP, which should be updated periodically. This is a document which details all the reasonable accommodations a child needs to manage their physical condition while attending school.

If standard toilet passes can be ignored then the school need to consider adding a second level of pass that makes it clear that the child can go to the toilet or medical office at any time (my daughter has one of these but has never needed to use it. She’s in remission from a cancer related condition so doesn’t even need toilet access to manage a toileting specific medical device!)

I’d be raging if it were my kid but agree with everyone else re: phone not being the solution.

Might be worth talking to school re: getting DBS done anyway, that way you could theoretically be a parent volunteer on school trips etc, very useful if trip access becomes difficult in future due to his medical needs.

Here’s the official info re: IHP

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions--3

Phone isnt the answer imo.

Does school have a nurse?

Id request a meeting asap with form tutor and head of year, senco and ds. Decide appropriate way to deal with this. Like options below
A) he feels unwell he goes straight to medical school/nurse
B) if he is refused toilet he can walk out and go straight to form tutor/head of year.
A couple of safe people/staff need to be identified that he does feel comfortable speaking to when he needs help. I would gently encourage him to start advocating for himself. If he needs you in school then he can tell safe adult and they cam contact you.

I understand the general rationale for not allowing kids to have phones in school, but this is surely an example where an exception should be made. Your son is trying his best to go into school, and it would allow him to have a bit more privacy and dignity if he could message you instead of always alerting members of staff. Frankly, even if he just occasionally needs a bit of comfort if he’s in pain, I think the phone use would be justified.

If all the other kids have their phones locked away anyway, its a massive stretch to say he would be texting others / misusing the phone during class.

Your DS needs a medical plan. He needs a medic
pass not a toilet pass and he goes to the medical room to do what he needs to do for as long as he needs.

Poor poppet. This is precisely why these brainless blanket school rules (toilets, phones) are backwards.

There’s a lad in the school I work in that is diabetic. He has his phone with him and this indicates to his parents and school nurses when his blood sugars are low or high. I’ve had calls from the parents before and when I’ve rung the school nurses they’re on it, so it’s being dealt with. This has been going on since Year 4.
At 14 your ds just needs to get up and go to the toilet and sort himself out. This is his normal now, so needs to get on with it.

What if they called it a Emergency Medical Pass, rather than a toilet pass? It hopefully would make the need more clear to new staff.
Surely he's not the only child in the school who needs medical care e.g. insulin. He just happens to sort it out in the toilet.

He does need to increase his confidence in advocating for himself. It would benefit him for the rest of his life. Does he have any class friends who are good at speaking up who would back him?

He needs a medical pass and a healthcare plan (done by school, not necessarily an EHCP). And he should not be doing that detention. As per precious posters, the phone isn’t necessarily the answer, the school need to cater for his disability.

Agree with this.
v poor from the supply teacher and id be furious about that tbh.

The school haven't offered a healthcare plan or anything in writing. After the op he was allowed on a reduced timetable (he also really needed it whilst he recovered), he keeps his supplies in school in the medical room and he's allowed to use the accessible toilet which is nearby. The toilet pass has never been an issue before now, as I said most the teachers from last year told him to just go, he didn't need to show it them everytime as they knew.

To the poster asking if there's a teacher he can go to, he's close to his PE teacher and usually goes to him if he's worried about anything but he's a teacher himself so he's teaching when DS is in a lesson. He does check in with DS in the mornings though, his head of year's change every year so he doesn't get chance to build a relationship with them which is a shame.

We were advised to apply for an EHCP as there's other things as well not just this

He is generally good at changing the bag himself, at
Home he's great as he can go at his own pace etc. But out in public or school he does feel under pressure and tries to rush which doesn't help! I usually go in with him when we're out in public and he is happy with this, I don't really help him much I usually tell him to slow down.

It's not even just this I'm worried about though, it's if he's in pain and needs to tell me, as he's not comfortable telling his class teacher in front of the class or even asking them if they can talk outside (which isn't always possible as they're teaching) so he'd message me and i’d call the school though as I said in PP, communication was terrible

I'm definitely going to phone the school though and complain as he's now stressed for many different reasons and he shouldn't be, he's entitled to an education like everyone else. He shouldn't have to worry about things like this that have been caused by the school especially as he's got enough to deal with

An EHCP isn’t appropriate, as I’m sure the OP knows, unless the student also has education needs. For a medical condition on its own an individual health care plan is what’s needed and I’m sure he’ll already have one. Supply teachers are supposed to be given details about any children with IHP’s or EHCP’s in class. So school need to explain what went wrong and make sure it never happens again poor lad.