To ask school if DS can have his phone in class?

[Bigon]

I'm sure you must think I'm U from the title alone but let me explain..

DS is 14, he's had a colostomy about 14 months ago, he had bowel issues since birth really and has a chronic bowel condition missed a lot of school but since the colostomy it has given him a better quality of life, though he still has flare ups a lot which cause a lot of pain and output and just exhausation, all he does when at home is lay down. They're worse when he's anxious but also happen randomly. He tries his best to get himself into school but it doesn't always happen.

He's confident at changing the bag at home because he can take all the time he needs but when out in public or at school he is less so. I usually help him when we're in public because once he's stressed, he rushes and gets worked up. He doesn't have an EHCP but school have given him a toilet pass, but he still panics at school about changing it and obviously staff can't help and I wouldn't expect them to and he wouldn't want that, I think he'd find it embarrassing.

He had a lot of time off last year due to the flare ups, and times where he was sent home because of the pain. He's just started year 10 so he's really trying this year.

Anyway, on Thursday he was in the middle of a flare up but he forced himself to go in, he came home and told me in one of the lessons he had a supply. He admitted he had been talking and the supply had written his name on the board as a warning, but about halfway through the lesson he asked the teacher if he could go to the toilet. The teacher said no and DS explained he had a pass and showed him, he still said no and told him to wait until the end of the lesson. In the end he did let DS go, he had to change his bag and he took longer than usual because as I said he tries to rush but it has the opposite effect where he gets worked up and takes longer. He also said his stomach was really hurting so he had to sit down for a while. He missed half the lesson and when he went back it was almost time for the next one, the teacher “had a go” at him and accused him of messing around and gave him a detention for Friday.

Friday, he didn't go in because dragging him through Thursday took it out of him, he even missed football training so he wasn't lying. I tried to call the school and get the detention removed, and we had evidence he wasn't just messing around as he'd been to the medical office as his supplies are kept there. School didn't get back to me.

He didn't have his phone as they put them in pouches but I was thinking of asking so if he needed to change it, he could message me and I could go in and help him. He's usually fine with not needing to change it during the school day but when he's in a flare up, its unavoidable. He's still in the flare up but was well enough to actually play football today (we were told to try and encourage this, even if he isn't well enough for school) so he's going to try and go but he's already anxious.

This is the first year of the phones in pouches, last year he would message me if he felt unwell (but felt too embarrassed to tell his teacher) and i’d phone the school and medical would check him over (or send him home which happened often).

Would this be unreasonable? Or should we just let this go and he can change it himself and take the detention?

I have no advice. If you have time, I do have a slightly unrelated question. How does the school handle his frequent absences? I ask because my DS (14) suffers from a physically debilitating neuro chronic illness (now requires a wheelchair) that began this year. We are currently balancing his frequent absences, missed school-work and his poor health and I would be grateful if you could share how you deal with it, if you feel up to it.

I wanted to add that DS carries his phone with him, despite the rest of his year not being allowed to. The school suggested this, probably because he could get stuck in the lift or the toilet, and so he can call for heo.

You clearly don't know how schools work.
Supply teachers literally turn up in the morning, usually 5 mins before the start of the day. If they are lucky, someone will show them to the first classroom they will be in and may help them log in using supply details to find a register. They will not have any further access to student details, so they will not know the reasons behind a child having an out of class pass.
Getting supply into a school can also be tricky, especially certain schools, so it might be that the supply teacher doesn't know school policies.
In primary it is more likely that someone would mention a particular child's needs, or there might be a class TA to confirm that the pass is valid, but in secondary school the supply teacher will have no idea.
They are also employed by an agency, not the school, unless they are a cover supervisor, so it is very unlikely they will be sacked, and unless they did something really unprofessional then the school won't want to cross them off their list as we head into winter when they become desperate for supply as staff absence increases.

If anything the OP needs to work with the school for making sure the pass is acknowledged or that on the register there is something that flags up to supply staff the medical condition and need to use the toilet so that anyone new to the school can see that it is genuine.

I actually think that walking out is maybe the answer, because then he can sort himself but he shouldn’t be punished because retrospectively they’ll know about the pass. Hopefully it’ll not be an issue because his teachers will know but in the case of the substitute teacher he’s being left with little choice.

They have to ensure his teachers know his problems, it sounds really unreasonable.

He needs more than a standard toilet pass. Get the senco to print and laminate a card that explains exactly what his needs and conditions are,and have it tucked in his pocket or planner to show any staff who don't let him go immediately. Absolutely he needs an EHCP.

He doesn’t need an EHCP he needs an IHP. I’m shocked that a student with a colostomy doesn’t have one in place.
Parents coming in to support a student in the case of chronic health conditions is not unusual.

I’d ask for a meeting with the SENCos and head of year. Your son has medical needs and reasonable adjustments need to be made. Is there a disabled toilet he could use on his own? He needs a medical care plan which should be shared with all staff he comes into contact with.

I’ve been retired for several years now, but at my old school it would be straightforward, when printing off a list of names, to add a flag for any child who had special circumstances. The flags wouldn’t give details, but would indicate whether it was a medical issue or if they were on the learning support register, for example. Surely a supply teacher is given a list of names of the children who should be present as a minimum?

As a teacher I could go into the records for more details, for instance it would tell me if a child was one of several in school who had epilepsy as we were all trained in how to act if they had an episode: it’s quite reasonable that a supply teacher couldn’t access those records, but as long as they knew which children had medical issues they should treat them with greater understanding.

I agree with the previous posters who have suggested contacting school to say what has happened and asking how things can be changed to avoid it happening again, and to reassure your son.

This. The issue/solution is nothing to do with mobile phones- he shouldn't need access to it. What he does need, is for staff to be aware of the seriousness of his condition and that they MUST allow him to use the exit card at any time. I'm a teacher and I'm horrified by this. If I were you I'd make a formal complaint. Poor boy.

I hope this is an isolated incident due to it being a supply teacher but it absolutely appalling and the school has failed your son in this occasion. I have been teaching 20 years and never taught a child with a colostomy bag but if I had I would be acutely aware of ensuring they were safe and comfortable at all times. The school have failed to communicate this to a supply teacher. Of course your son does not need to be defined by his illness. But people must be aware.
You need to raise a concern and then ask for how they will ensure this will not happen again with supply teachers and maybe an emergency medical pass with his picture on is more appropriate for your son than a toilet pass. He also needs to have a member of staff who will advocate for him with supply staff. Unfortunately the supply teacher has discriminated probably unintentionally against your son. You need to include the disability discrimination act in your email. It needs to be in writing state you expect it to be acknowledged
within 24 hours. I would also expect an apology. If not escalate it to the chair of governors as a formal complaint. Chat GPT will help write a letter

I didn't think about the dbs part, he does use the accesible toilets anyway. His toilet pass says something along the lines of due to a medical confident this student is allowed to use the toilet at any time, it has his name and the teacher who signed it off so I don't see why the supply said no, DS showed it him. I have told him next time to just walk out but I don't know if he actually will. We are in a process of applying for an EHCP

The pain meds he takes usually wipe him out anyway, so I was surprised he was going to try and go and then this happened. He just wants to be a typical 14yo, he's been in and out of hospitals since he was a baby so when he's not in hospital/at appointments, he wants to do everything else even just go to school but this has really knocked his confidence. And mine in the school. I did call them on Friday and was supposed to get a call back, but that never happened

I don’t think having his phone is a solution. He can’t ring and wait for your to get there.

In the kindest way he needs to learn to deal with this independently. The supply wasn’t aware - that’s poor of the school but it is something that’s not going to go away

Apologies, not RTFT.

Have you thought about a personal alarm?

https://www.nhs.uk/social-care-and-support/care-services-equipment-and-care-homes/personal-alarms-security-systems-and-keysafes/

A pass to student services and a Head of Year signed letter to call you no questions asked would get around it. They won't allow a phone. Ask for a meeting with the SENCo to discuss. They may have other solutions. Obviously you know your son but most 14 year olds probably wouldn't welcome their mum to be in school for this and the school might object for this reason so maybe have a think about a nearby place to take him off-site to assist.

I think more work on his efficiency in changing the bag might be the way to go although I have no idea about how this is done so sincere apologies if this is totally insensitive.

I wouldn't go down the phone route. I would be organising a meeting with the head and telling them they have failed to meet your child's needs and are discriminating against his disability. Outrageous behaviour. I'd be raising holy hell.

Put it on them and ask them what solution is going to be put in place so this doesn't happen again.

Why would he need an alarm?

He needs an additional explanation card rather than a standard toilet card. I’d also suggest speaking to his medical team to see if there is anything they can suggest to help him, there’s various products available

As an alternative to a phone, to alert his mum

I am glad you are applying for the EHCP and hopefully that will soon be granted.

I would ask for a meeting with the senco to see what can be put in place to ensure that no matter who is teaching, supply or otherwise, he can always leave to go to the toilet.

Spunds stressful OP.I am not sure the phone is the answer.

First off, the school needs to have a well communicated protocol for dealing with your son, one that makes his learning accessible, enables him to be autonomous, and means the horrible situation you described doesn't happen again. Im not in the UK but I think this is a EHCP.

Focusing on the detention is not looking at the bigger picture. It's a non issue - he was sick and could not attend school.

U? I only know that as Mitford's U/non-U, and it doesn't fit the context. What's it mean here?

He needs a healthcare plan which spells everything out.
Go thru it again with school
And Pastoral support team

I would ask. He deserves to be allowed it, I can’t imagine how hard that is for your son at 14 dealing with it all.

Teacher here, you are spot on, this is awful.

I suspect its a case of poor communication to the staff of OPs sons medical condition, any teacher who refuses a child with that situation has no place in education.

The phone, no, if that's the rule they shouldn't let him have that.

I agree that it is totally unfair how your son was treated. However, as earlier mentioned, the supply teacher will be an external teacher who is employed by an agency. Supply teachers get treated horribly by students/staff and do not often get passed relevant information as they are needed last minute. The school needs to make sure that your son’s medical needs are on the ‘cover sheet’ for any lessons that may be covered by external supply. That way, the external cover teach is aware, this is the responsibility of his usual teacher or head of department, depending on who sets cover.