to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL

[GooseAndSandals]

I’ll start with one of my less dark ones. I didn’t care when my father died.

That right now, I'm not ok.
I love my mum but she has no idea how much she hurts me.
I love my husband but the traits of his diagnosis make me feel like I should be on my own.
A lot of the time I sit and wonder "how much" is just enough to do the job so I don't end up in hospital.
And it's the people closest to me making me feel like this.

Ah that's lovely. I was sure it would go to my grave with me but then I had kids and it made me rethink. It is totally harmless as vices go, but it was more the perceived social taboo of it. I do wonder how many people out there also have things like this that they keep secret...

I will admit I do this sometimes 😬

@just2 i get what ypu are saying for sure, I definitely worry about staying with DH and what the DC see, they are older teens. We dont really argue much but he is not engaged in our life as much as he should, its all work for him! He doesnt communicate well with any of us and the DC see that and comment on it but that find it amusing whereas it really affects me as everything falls on me. DH cant see it at all but I find it so disrespectful. I work long hours also and actually earn more but I feel like I am still seen as the housewife! I am mid 40s and he is late 50s, I always thought we'd be on the same wavelength but we definitely arent. Not even sure its age related but he has changed so much.

They've never made you happy either so fuck 'em.

Which means that from today you're all back on a level playing field so just chuck all that in the bin and move on.

The messages I was sent could not be misinterpreted but from experience i know that no one thanks you for telling them the truth. I lost my childhood best friend through something similar and I vowed I would never tell another friend if I knew their partner was being unfaithful. I feel very uncomfortable around my friend now and keep looking for signs that she suspects something.

OMG that’s a big one to admit. But there must be a massive back story and I sympathise 100% 🌺

Haven’t RTFT

My two big ones are:

I am happier since my dad died and wish I’d spent less of his life trying to please him or make him proud. I also wish I’d stuck up for myself and my kids more around him.

I am happy for my younger sister but insanely jealous of what she’s about to experience and I have to keep a lid on my emotions around it all.

I mourned when my Dad died but I think it was mainly for the Dad I never had. I was also a little relieved.

I am sorry you don't have a better Dad x

The thing is… your teens will see this as the benchmark for their relationships. Two people, no joy, no laughter, just enduring one another

snd if they’re older teens why are you worrying about them being with your husband? If they’re older teens don’t want to go, they won’t

Yeah its worries me, we do have fun together and lots of laughs but I feel lately I have been so negative and critical of him so I really need to sort myself out. I am so resentful of him m, I hate myself for it.

Oh sorry, I am not the poster you initially replied to, I responded to you as my situation is similar. I dont worry about that side of it as they are all basically adults now.

Surely you can see the irony? You have also have had an affair

So why are you staying

he’s had an affair
you’ve had an affair
you can’t stand him
he had checked out

this sounds more like enemies living together

I am so very sorry that this has happened to you , and you are keeping this to you and you are living with this every day.
Is this Grandparent still alive ?

I was also sexually abused by a female relative when I was around 11. She was the same age as me and said it was 'what people did'. I often wonder if she was being abused by someone .. to know all she did at such a young age .. she was doing it to at least one of her friends too. We have never spoken about it and never will. I remember being petrified that we had 'made' AIDS and I had AIDS .... I was too young to know/understand how it was passed on and at the time AIDS was all over the newspapers etc.

No one in RL knows any of this

Yes, there was a lot more to it at the time and we weren't really together but I didnt think it was that relevant to my post as we weren't divorced and then decided to stay together. I dont see it as being right in any way still.

I don't think there is necessarily any irony in what I said though, he is supposedly in a newish relationship, at the very much in love stage, moving in together soon, if that is a time not to be sending inappropriate messages then when is I guess.

I very much know the situation is a mess.

I am ashamed by the person I am becoming in the midst of the political upheaval in the US, which is where I am currently living.

NC
I have a preferred order of death for my relatives to maximise inheritance and minimise workload for myself.

I hate that I have even thought about it, let alone worked out the best order for these things to happen. These are my nearest and dearest, I must be an awful person.

I go in for lotteries in secret so if I win I can lie about how much it is so I can give my children more than the step children.

I know I am going to hell.

If only it was that straight forward, it sounds it listed like that. He has never admitted an affair but I know he has. Around the time I kind of found out even though he denied it he wasnt interested in sex with me at all, tried to blame it on me as said I told him I didnt want him to go away 2 days after I had a c-sec so it put him off (which was about 8 years previous to that). All my fault apparently.

It is a mess, I wont deny it. I have no idea why I cant leave, just cant do it. I need to be braver but just can't see it happening.

What triggered you to get a diagnosis? If you don't mind sharing?

Does he know you had an affair and that there’s renewed contacted and inappropriate messaging?

I think once you see that you have both checked out of the marriage…. It will liberate you to actually start living

No and no. It probably doesnt help that i have that guilt TBH, I posted at the time as was conflicted about coming clean and was told I only wanted to tell him to make myself feel better so I didnt tell him. I also didnt end things with DH though.

I think you're probably right though, maybe we will actually be able to admit it to each other at some point and start living!

I don't regret the money I've spent on nail polish and make up over the years (we're talking ££££s.) It's my hobby. People keep telling me I should sell it to get money to spend on DS and I'm not going to. I've given away loads over the years as well.

I stop caring what happens to people when they are suffering the consequences of their own choices after they were warned.