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Original poster

Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

291 replies

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

OP posts:
Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 15/09/2025 21:14

The more you write about him the more obvious it is that he is a vile human. Don't do him any more favours, please. If the family splits it's on him and him alone.

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/09/2025 21:21

He must be the golden child and has gotten away with this horrible behaviour his whole life...hence his current entitlement. I feel awful for you op but I do blame your parents. The incident with b&b shows his mentality and how he knew he cpuld get away with it. Other parents would lose their shit.

I have empathy as my older brother is the same. A horrible entitled individual, spoiled since birth. He has destroyed all goodwill people have towards him, thinks he is a king, is abusive and self-centered, would never go out of his way to help others except if it helped his golden boy image, thinks the sun shines out of his arse, takes everything done for him for granted...yet my parents will never confront him. So after years, ive realised its their fault. I remember him being up in my mother's face cursing...yet she deflected and blamed his behaviour on someone else. I've never raised my voice at my mother.

I also remember him bringing his girlfriend home and sleeping in my parents room whilst younger siblings were at home but parents away 🤮 vile, horrible person. They must be clones.

Duckyfondant · 15/09/2025 21:21

He shouted at and hurt your son! Then blamed him for something else he didn't do. Sod being polite to him

Facecloth · 15/09/2025 21:23

diddl · 15/09/2025 21:12

Your brother is awful and enabled by your parents.

Yup.

I wouldn't be feeling too sorry for them tbh.

Your parents are awful people too.
This is your life and your poor sons for as long as you allow your bully brother and parents dictate to you.

Let your parents be upset.
Stay away from them all.

No family is better than family like that, unless you actual enjoy drama.

Drop the rope.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 15/09/2025 21:24

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

Wholeheartedly disagree. Well maybe release the bitterness but stay the hell away.

Destructive golden children only learn their lesson when left isolated and alone because of their destructive ways. You'll actually be doing him a favour by removing yourself.

I know you mean well but unless you've experienced the bullying and abusive behaviour from golden children, you don't realise how unsafe you feel in their company.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/09/2025 21:25

You need to tell your parents that you are not dog sitting and why. Leave them to make their own decisions.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 21:27

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:14

Thanks for your reply. Is it really that bad that he added a profile he is 12 and I didn’t think it was a big detail. Also how do you change the password on the tv? I tried on my account at home and could only log out and reset the password by sending an email to my account?

my son didn’t know the old password or have access to my brother’s email so how would he be able to change it? I am genuinely curious.

Also even if he did mess it up is it really okay to swear and shout at someone for their child doing this? When I am being told ‘your bloody son’. It isn’t like he bought £2000 of v bucks on his credit card.

Show quote history

If my nephew made a profile it would make me smile to see it. I’d also be pleased to see he had something to do while he was stuck in my house because he and his mum were doing me a favour. I’d never dream of saying something if it inadvertently caused an issue. Honestly, tell him to stick it.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 21:28

also, I’m an animal lover, but actually if you continue to do this, you’re enabling him to keep a dog that he is unable to look after properly.

SeeYouInHell · 15/09/2025 21:29

He needs to pay a professional to do this. It’s not your responsibility and DEFINITELY not that of your elderly parents.
I feel for you, OP. It was so kind of you to help him out for so long. I can’t fathom his ingratitude.
No good deed goes unpunished.

Wreckinball · 15/09/2025 21:32

Without the drama layers your D(?)B is adding- not having time for your dog = rehome it or pay for doggy day care.
As the saga drags on and your DB brings other stuff into it, perhaps try to get your parents to focus on the commitment that your brother and his daughter need to make to the dog

KatSlayMoon · 15/09/2025 21:42

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

I’ve genuinely heard it all now. Do some women really value themselves so little? What about the OP’s sake? What about her son’s sake? Are you mad?

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 21:43

pineapplesundae · 15/09/2025 21:15

Well, I’m going against the grain here for the dog’s sake and suggest you forgive your brother this one time. Your brother does owe you a big I’m sorry present but I hope you give him one more chance for the sake of the dog.

Umm no? Not her responsibility!!!

Namechangerage · 15/09/2025 21:45

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 15/09/2025 21:04

Thank you for the replies to my update. What has really shocked me is that I feel he has basically threatened my mum by saying we need to move on or it will split the family.

He also said he would not choose between his daughter and the rest of us. But no one has asked him to? He is the one making this go nuclear now!!

No one has said we should never talk again. He is the one who has been nasty!

He also said 'well I learnt from my father because he used to scream and shout when I was young'. So nothing is his fault.

All the years my parents have made excuses for him and been oh he is the victim he is so nice and such a good man I really am questioning this.

He was always allowed girlfriends to stay over when he was a teenager where as I was never even allowed my regular boyfriend to stay over at 21years old. We also have an older sister who is very low contact with him. She has said things in the past about my parents making excuses for him now I see the truth as everyone always made out she was the problem!!!

One incident from years ago sticks in my mind. We went to a family event many miles away. I was single at the time and booked a family room with my sister and her kids to share the cost. My parents booked a double room in the same b and b. Sister and I went to the b and b booked in and got parents keys for them for later. Went to event and gave parents their keys. Brother turns up at event. He was meant to be staying at another relatives house on their sofa bed with two of his kid. (not the daughter I have mentioned now. She wasn't born yet.). He turns up at the even with his kids and new girlfriend in tow. Leaves the kids with my mum and dad and asked if he can use their room to change in. Him and girlfriend disappear to the b and b for several hours. Mum and Dad look after kids. They return to the party. Lets just say parents now would not want to sleep in the bed back in their b and b. In the evening brother and his girlfriend go back to the b and b without the kids. Parents end up sleeping on the sofa bed at relatives house with two very tearful and upset kids. One of whom it turned out had chickenpox that was still not fully scabbed over.

In the morning sister and I come down to breakfast and brother and girlfriend are enjoying a full English. My parents never said a word. Sister and I were shocked. He never paid them for the room. If I or my sister had done this my parents would have gone mad and we would never have lived it down.

Oh well I am seeing clearly now.

You need to talk to your mum about this. Use it as an example of how utterly VILE he is, and if he wants to cut himself off, so be it.

Im speechless.

Hedgehogbrown · 15/09/2025 21:48

Timeforabitofpeace · 14/09/2025 15:41

Your db and his dd are both incredibly rude and both short tempered. Thats the key message. On a tiny note, I don’t think your son should have created a profile on his Netflix page.

😂 😂 😂
Have you got niblings? I turned on my Disney+ one day to find five profiles added from both sisters and all their kids! It's family. How cold do you have to be to be annoyed about that
?

ThisAzureBear · 15/09/2025 21:48

Not unreasonable at all, very entitled of them. You and your parents need to explain that the current situation is not tenable anymore and suggests he either finds a dog sitter/walker for the dog or look at rehoming the poor thing. You look after you and your DC's. Wishing you well.

Beerpink · 15/09/2025 21:49

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 15:31

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

Sounds to me like your parents need to have some boundaries and not he pushovers

Falseknock · 15/09/2025 21:49

GleisZwei · 15/09/2025 13:57

Rightio.

Show quote history

Why don't you be an adult and admit you're wrong. "Rightio" is what a child would say. I am assuming you are a grown woman not a teenage girl?

Twinmum345 · 15/09/2025 21:55

You can’t lot into Netflix from another country since they changed their rules. That will be why they can’t log in

Hedgehogbrown · 15/09/2025 21:57

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 14/09/2025 16:37

so my son should sit their touching nothing when I am doing them a favour and looking after their dog. It is my brother. I’m not the actual dog sitter helping myself to their food and watching their tv. I am a family member helping out. I thought I had a closer relationship with him and his daughter. Obviously not.

well problem solved as we won’t be there again unless as guests with my brother there. I have said I will only enter the house if he is there. I got my mum to leave the keys I had for him. So his tv and Netflix are safe.

Show quote history

Making a Netflix profile is fine! Do the responders here even have siblings or niblings? My nieces all have set up their own profiles as they are family and knew I wouldn't mind. Ridiculous answers from some people.

GleisZwei · 15/09/2025 21:57

Falseknock · 15/09/2025 21:49

Why don't you be an adult and admit you're wrong. "Rightio" is what a child would say. I am assuming you are a grown woman not a teenage girl?

Show quote history

Rightio, I've to change my opinion because you told me to. Sure.

FunMustard · 15/09/2025 21:57

Seriously what is his fucking problem that he doesn't know how to reset his own password. What an absolute arsehole to not just deal with it, and to shout at you about it.

nomas · 15/09/2025 21:58

Twinmum345 · 15/09/2025 21:55

You can’t lot into Netflix from another country since they changed their rules. That will be why they can’t log in

Yes, they are utter, utter knobs. Blaming a child for their own lack of knowledge.

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 15/09/2025 22:04

Bizarre all the people with knickers in a twist about adding a profile. It doesn’t cost, it doesn’t require delving into settings you just do it from the load screen, and the kid doesn’t retain access to it or anything, it’s attached purely to this users account - so they can just delete it again. It doesn’t mess with the main users algorithms (far more annoying) and doesn’t really do any harm at all. Especially as a family member.

Also, you can use Netflix abroad, I have done so on TVs in rented apartments. It just logs you out after 14 days and makes you re-sign in as the main user to approve it.

DBD1975 · 15/09/2025 22:05

Your brother is totally irresponsible to get a dog without being able to look after it.
I don't need to know anything other than that to know he is a selfish, hideous, horrible person
The dog needs to be rehomed to people who will look after it rather than regard as little more than a part time hobby.