Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

[Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman]

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

Rightio.
You've told me what to think, so I'll now think that way.

No you cannot change Netflix password on a tv, it will direct you to the website or app, and you also need the current password to change the password.

And even if he changed the password he doesn’t need to react so angrily and shout like that at all.

Your 12 year old nephew adding a profile on Netflix does not warrant such a ridiculous response at all even if they were not helping with the dog. I don’t even see why he needs to get upset about it, I would just leave it there so he can use it anytime he comes or if I don’t want it then delete it.

His daughter’s reaction to her grandmother says a lot about how idiotic and ridiculous he and his daughter are.

No excuse for speaking to people badly. But if I asked someone to come and let the dog out, feed it etc I would be pretty pissed off if their son added a profile on my Netflix account and changed the password. I would have told my son, don’t touch anything, no you can’t put the telly on! Go on my phone.

I am in a similar situation with my dog, and this just reinforces to me that I wouldn’t want someone in my house when I’m not here. Creating a Netflix account??? I could understand if you were staying for a week or two but an hour or so? I would have said not to touch peoples things.

I disagree, I guess if you have a rigid family relationship then maybe, my young nephew watching Netflix in my house and adding a profile will not even register to me to be upset at all not to talk or cursing and shouting. I may even understand if he messed up their shows that were already in progress but did the right thing to create a new profile so it doesn’t affect their shows and the idiot still has the guts to call and scream and curse, he’s a fucking idiot.

Add to that the fact they were bloody helping him with the dog he got knowing they wouldn’t be around to give the proper attention it requires.

He didn’t change the password, he can’t change it from the tv and you need the current password to change the password. Creating a profile was actually the right thing to do so he doesn’t affect any programs they have in progress.

why would you be upset that your young nephew creates a new profile? You act like he is a stranger dog walker that you hired rather than your nephew who is there because his mother is helping you. Isn’t it better that he sits and watches tv rather than wander around the house aimlessly and bored while his mother looks after a dog the idiot doesn’t have time for?

YANBU .OP if he ever asks you to look after the dog say -sorry, that doesn’t work for me. Every time, like a broken record, and stand your ground.

For me if anyone rants and swears at me I don’t need them in my life.

Your brother and his daughter are both horrible, but I feel very sorry for their dog. Hopefully they will rehome it responsibly.

I agree that you should say that you don't feel comfortable going into his home unless he's there to supervise his rules. Then don't ever go there.

No they are just saying either watch on the existing account or don’t watch. You’ve taken their comment a bit too literally. Course your son could watch their Netflix, I just don’t get why he needed his own profile.

BTW it didn’t warrant shouting at you, as your son is only 12! And I agree with your follow up actions entirely. Your brother and his daughter sound awful. I’d never dog sit again and would strongly encourage my mum not to either.

How does creating a new profile affect him? What impact does it have on her brother and his daughter?

Great!

Steal the dog. Never speak to brother or neice again - absolutely arseholes.

Yes, because I always do what random folk tell me......🤣

Love the idea of stealing the dog. She is adorable and I do love her. But I am living somewhere were dogs are not allowed and it does upset me to think of her left in the house all day all alone.

My son is very young for his age. He was watching Peppa Pig. He doesn’t always get social cues but is a really sweet boy and he loves the dog too.

There was an incident a few months ago where my brother had a party. My son took some food just after it came out of the oven. He had gone with my mum as I could not go. Yes he should not have taken the food without asking but he told me my brother grabbed his wrist hard and shouted at him. My mum said he shouted and over acted but she was looking away and did not see him grab his wrist. Any way I won’t be letting either son go there without me now and only for a family party no other reason.

In the past yes my brother had shouted at me. Because of the large age gap I was always told by my parents to respect him. He is always the poor victim in their eyes eg all his relationships have broken down because his partner cheated or was crazy or selfish. He had several children rest are all grown up with several different women. He had always been very much in their lives and had them living with him at various times.

I have always tried to be a kind aunty especially as I have got older. I became an aunty very young so with the eldest I was still a child myself. I know he has started swearing at my dad at times not sure what the reason was.

Any way we are done as I don’t want to be around someone who treats me or my kids like that. I am starting the Freedom programme soon so hope to learn more about setting boundaries.

This @Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman you should say no but your parents also
need to say no. It is not your problem to fix if they won’t set him straight.

And thank you for all the comments that make me realise this is not okay. Also on how Netflix works. It seems we did nothing wrong and it was his daughter’s fault for not getting a code for going on holiday!

still no phone call from him to apologise and I don’t think that will happen. His loss but poor dog looses out.

I don’t think it was rude of him to create a new profile. If you are close enough to spend hours there doing them a favour, it’s not a big deal to use their Netflix to entertain yourselves - or get yourself a drink of juice !

You don’t quite understand how Netflix works do you?
The son didn’t change the password. He couldn’t have even if he wanted to.

He didn’t create a new account either. Again, he couldn’t , even if he wanted to.

What he did is add a new profile so that he wouldn’t mess up the current users’ watch list, suggestions ,algorithms ,now playing etc.

On the screen , normally you get DN profile (with her selections ), DB profile(with his selections) , a guest profile or add a new profile . All a new profile does is add an extra name to the screen and have selections based on whatever OP’s son watched.

I bet the spoilt “why did you touch my plant” DN would’ve kicked off just as much to see Peppa Pig on her continue watching. Or the sweary , Golden child brother.

I'm a paid pet sitter and some owners tell me to help myself to tea and coffee, or watch TV if the pet is elderly and just wants lap time. It's 100% normal to do these things, especially if you're not even paid. Bet they don't even bring you a thank you gift!

They're ridiculous people and your time and effort is wasted on them. It's not your problem if your parents have no spine.

You'd think between the two of them they could come to the not very ground breaking conclusion that it's not very wise to be dicks to the people who are doing them a huge favour. They seem particularly thick as well as being CFs.

This golden child / scapegoat dynamic was set up long before you could even communicate. This isn't your problem, it's a family problem. Setting boundaries and looking after yourself is most important. I am also a single parent and have a similar position in my family. I have set up strict boundaries, am friendly but quite distant. I can't allow them all to drain me as they have zero idea how much it takes to do the childcare, earn the money and take care of everything.

So he is an abusive man with a trail of broken relationships.
Pity you didn't report him for hurting your child.
Leave him to your parents, who created him.
They deserve him.
You protect yourself and your child.

The dog needs rehoming.

I feel sorry for the dog 🐶

It’s her brother. They’re literally family. And you would be annoyed at your nephew watching tv? Which it essentially all he’s done. Creating a profile makes no difference to him or his account.

My mum will sometimes travel 40 mins to sort my cat out while I’m away. If she watched TV, had a coffee and a chill out while she was here to keep MY cats company FOR FREE I’d expect her to make herself at home, not act like a stranger being paid for the job because she’s neither a stranger or being paid

Creating a profile means he didn't mess with his uncle's algorithm. It is a good thing to do.