Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

[Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman]

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

I did say your DB was OTT

But your DS shouldn’t have been messing with someone else’s tv settings. It’s rude

smallpinecone

Your brother is a nasty piece of work. Hell would freeze over before I looked after his dog again or did him any sort of favours at all. Nope, don’t need that in my life, fuck him.

Thats a bit extreme, he apologised, so he’s not great, actually him and his daughter aren’t great but it’s not the worst thing anyone’s ever done in the world ever and wirth disowning over!!!

Your db would have received an email to have had the passwords changed. Only the actual account holder can do that.
Adding a profile is perfectly acceptable.. It's his nephew not the ndn...

Definitely, you should back right off.

Your son sounds like my son - does things to be helpful but doesn't understand the potential consequences. Although I am also wondering how he could have changed the password, assuming he doesn't know what it was in the first place.

Tell your parents that you are no longer willing to help him with this situation and that in your opinion he should pay for a dog walker. Let that idea float around in their heads, then they can tell golden boy themselves to do this.

Well I suppose it the old saying “no good deed goes unpunished’.

I won’t offer to do things for them putting myself and my son out. I still don’t understand why creating a profile was that bad. Could someone explain? Again he is only 12. It not like he stole or broke anything. And even if he broke something it would be an accident and I would offer to pay. I am always the first to apologise and own up if I do something wrong.

That would’ve been worse as it could’ve messed up their lists/suggestions or he could’ve had access to inappropriate content.

Definitely don’t feel guilty. They can always say no. If they don’t, that’s on them. It’s also their fault that they’ve raised a shitty man, who in turn raised a shitty daughter , so they’re only reaping what they’ve sown. Their fuck up. Their problem. Their responsibility.

It's an account managed and paid for by someone else, so it's rude to add yourself on to it without asking.
He could have just watched Netflix on one of the existing profiles.

I think I would have asked about Netflix before doing it, it makes total sense to have his own profile to avoid messing with their settings but I'd still ask.
(When I am annoyed with teenage DS, I occasionally log onto Disney as him and watch Moana or something ... I get a little bit of joy from that)

No, it wouldn't have been worse, because it wouldn't be altering anything. Open an existing profile with mum present, search for something to watch, mum agrees to something age suitable. Alternatively just don't watch Netflix.

My thoughts too. I have an entitled and horrible brother who did the same thing to me this summer. Phoned me up cursing and abusive over a very small misunderstanding. My parents let him away with murder all his life and he's used to throwing his weight around.
I've done so much for him over the past few years. He is an idiot who has destroyed our relationship but I'm now happy to walk away as I got nothing from it.

Maybe she tried to watch something at the same time he was watching on the Netflix account so that’s why she couldn’t get into it?

Good on you for asserting that boundary and sticking to it.

I think that as you were doing them a huge favour the least they could do would be let you have a couple of glasses of juice and let your DS set up a profile on his uncle's Netflix account. It's not as if he's some random visitor.

Anyway, if they have to pay for dog care they won't be troubled by a bit of juice and one new (family member's) profile on their Netflix anymore. So all good.

Some probably see it as cheeky or presumptuous.
I'd just delete it and think the person was being considerate to not fuck up my algorithm or the watch next episode on shows I was watching because the 12 year old wanted to watch Brooklyn 99

Does your brother not realise that Netflix have changed their rules so you can't login from different locations? Of course his daughter wouldn't be able to login from abroad!

Tell him no more dog sitting unless he pays you for your time. In advance. And he can apologise profusely first.

Adding a profile is much better than using an existing user's profile as the existing user won't start getting recommendations based on what OP's son watched.

so my son should sit their touching nothing when I am doing them a favour and looking after their dog. It is my brother. I’m not the actual dog sitter helping myself to their food and watching their tv. I am a family member helping out. I thought I had a closer relationship with him and his daughter. Obviously not.

well problem solved as we won’t be there again unless as guests with my brother there. I have said I will only enter the house if he is there. I got my mum to leave the keys I had for him. So his tv and Netflix are safe.

I wouldn't be happy if someone just added a profile without at least asking first.

I agree with the other posters upthread. No good deed goes unpunished!

You say that on a previous occasion your brother complained about you and your child drinking a glass of juice. So he begrudged you a drink even after you gave up your time and energy to look after his pet. You've been taken for a mug.

Dont get guilted into looking after the dog if your elderly parents cannot manage. Your brother needs to take responsibility for his own actions. The dog needs to be rehomed.

Neither would I - it’s really rude!

Shouting and swearing at a well meaning adult sibling is the lowest of the low in my opinion. Its abusive. He is a nasty piece of work.

And did he only apologise after she said she was stepping back and he realised he was losing this service? The good is gone at that point.

Sorry I voted you are being unreasonable by mistake, not sure how to change on app?
You are not being unreasonable to be angry, your brother has been told and will have to pay someone to do it now. Serves him right!

The OP said he was trying not to mess with their existing recommendations, so I can see why he did it.

You can log in on other devices - for example on your laptop if you’re travelling.

you can also pay extra to be able to use multiple devices