To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

Well… if my own dh is anything to go by, I can totally see how someone could act like this p.
Unfortunately, abandoning your dcs and your wife like this ‘just because’ isn’t unheard off.

How is criticism of OP’s husband bashing MEN?

So what are you doing about the situation? Why are you not addressing what posters have raised i. Potential affair ii. Contacting his boss. We get you’re angry. Also, if he’s the director isn’t he the boss? Is this even true?

He’s not indispensable but if he causes a shoot to go down/film cancelled then he will be potentially unemployable in his field.

if they have flown a massive production over and lose their director that’s a big deal. It’s not just about him it’s about the knock on effect to everyone else.

Nope. Not at all?!

YABU.

It's clearly not life-threatening. Your husband being here would not change the outcome, or even expedite the recovery process.

Relax.

Don’t most men go on their phones in the toilet anyway

Exactly what I was thinking. Bet he still finds time for that 30 min luxury man shit every day.

😂😂😂 i rolled my eyes at that one. She’s more likely to say is she dying? your wife’s there isn’t she, so what’s the issue.

I don’t get why he can’t pre-record a message for DD or FT. As it seems he is trying to avoid a Barney with you over the phone while he is away. It doesn’t make sense not to send a message to DD.

@Outside9 might mean someone could look after younger child or OP to go to work?

Do film productions only have one director? Don't they have people below them? What happens if a director is ill? If their wife or child was seriously ill what happens? Are there usually more than one location shoot at a time?

If this istrue and not a windup the way he replies surely have proved you the only way forward if you get a divorce he clearly does not care about his children or you

I wouldn’t update him, if he is too busy to respond or FaceTime for a minute or two then he can’t have it both ways.

I would simply say that you’re too busy to keep him updated as you have 1 sick child in hospital and another to look after. When he is ready to communicate properly and give you and your child the attention they deserve you can talk.

I agree he doesn’t have to come home, if a chronic condition that you are already aware of and not a new thing, I would assume you both understand this is for the long haul and as long as one parent is there it should he fine.

But surely, the OP boss can say the same right?
If they can’t find someone to replace her, it’s going to cost £100k per day to the company. Not a small amount of money.

So why is it that his work is taking precedence he can’t possibly leave because cost but she can?
Ha yes! She’s the MOTHER! I forgot about that important details. Mothers are replaceable at work but fathers aren’t and anyway there’ll a mother to deal with all of it so no need! Silly me….

If you are usually at work who has the younger child

do you normally have a nanny or do they go to nursery

who collects your seven-year-old from school normally?

Obviously ill children Want their parents But can the childcare option help out?

If something happened to the DH that Incapacitated him making him unable to do his job, the world would still turn. The company will have insurance and continuity plans in that situation. This is just another situation that might take him away from production. Whether he goes home or not, he should still be able to make regular contact and show care and consideration for his family. It doesn’t sound like he cares if his wife is coping or helping arrange childcare or providing any support at all. I think OP needs to compartmentalise and remove the H from the equation to focus all her energies on her children and herself.

But would that be the case irrespective of the illness and irrespective of what other sources of support she had? If I were a long way away with something I couldn't easily leave and my child was in hospital for something relatively routine with lots of support from her father and other family members and friends, I'm not sure I would feel compelled to come home. I would however make FaceTiming a priority.

Because she is already there and he is not. And her boss has got someone covering her work.

he is 2 days travel away. And she will be out of hospital before he can get back. So Op is will be back at work by the time he returns. Working while he will be unemployed with a black mark to his name and unemployable.

it’s not a life threatening emergency and seems a regular occurrence. It’s not logical for him to come back. I would argue the same if it was OP that was away. Sex doesn't come into it.

Surely your company has some sort of back-up arrangement, or at the very least insurance? It would be grossly irresponsible for any company to risk that much loss from the absence of just one person.

I'm only up to he now can't message now never mind ring but I had an idea. I'd like to send your daughter a get well card as this stranger has been thinking about her all morning. PM me if you'd like to accept, no problem at all of course if you'd rather not.

If OP doesn't send him updates he is going to take that as meaning nothing significant is happening, meaning he wasn't needed anyway.

Every update you make is actually making me have even less sympathy for you.

I was hospitalised frequently from a young age (4) due to a chronic ilness.

Mum still had to work or we wouldnt have had a roof over our heads or food on the table.

In the early days - about the first year she would pop in to see me before she went to work, and again once she'd finished - gone home, sorted our animals out and made dinner - which she'd then bring in and we'd eat together.
as time went on - she'd come in after work, as I was fine - theres plenty of other kids on wards, loads of people to chat to, and usually TV's or video game consoles

the fact that you can't compartmentalise enough to be practical about this, is more of a reflection on you than it is on him.

As for your other daughter - she's at school during the day correct? and a friend is feeding her and letting her stay over in the evenings?

We had that arrangement after mum suffered a TBI when i was 16. I stayed with my best friend while mum was in the hospital for 3 weeks, but we wereboth at school, so the disrupption was minimal.

Now? I have that job, where high level sites will literally shut down if i'm not on site, as it would take at least 2 days to get someone out to physically replace me. The only time I have EVER left during a contract was when my Gran was actually dying. for me, if its not litteral life or death theres no argument to be made.

Just go to work, it'll give you a break also from being stressed about your DD, who i hope feels better soon.

I do however agree that not facetimming or even a voice note is shitty.

But this is one MAN.

People here are criticising that one MAN. How does that equate to all MEN?

And if you think OP is lying, report it instead of troll hunting.

If both parents work then there would / should be childcare arrangements already in place.