Page 22 | To be angry with DH for not coming home?

Whiskeyandkittens · 15/09/2025 00:29

I voted YABU, but only about him not flying back. The more I have read I'm starting to change my mind! I still don't necessarily think he should fly home (without knowing more anout your DD's diagnosis) however the fact he's refusing to facetime and saying he can't even reply to you messages is not normal behaviour at all.
Even if I'm having a stressful day at work - I do long hours and my job IS life or death stuff - I can still find a couple of minutes to text DH or squeeze in a call if it's something important - which a sick child definitely is!

Rayqueen · 15/09/2025 00:35

Don't get why you want him home tbh. With a child with a lifelong chronic illness and many a day spent in hospital I would never think to make a fuss about hubby travelling back and leaving work. Yes we would video call but because it's a regular occurrence like yours work has to continue etc. I feel your making a big deal over it and how stressful it will be for your husband tbh. Facetime fair enough im sure he could do that but I expect some of the refusing is down to feeling a bit mad about how your going on that's all. If it was absolutely life-threatening my hubby would be home like a shot tho but no not for a usual back in hospital because the illness is bad right now.

Goldbar · 15/09/2025 00:36

Don't get why you want him home tbh.

To look after the other child, perhaps? Since the OP can't be in two places at once and is presently relying on her friend's goodwill.

MeTooOverHere · 15/09/2025 00:37

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:52

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

I've read this exact story somewhere before. Same times, same attitude.

sittingonabeach · 15/09/2025 00:41

@Rayqueen what about OP’s work? Does that not have to continue?

Milosc · 15/09/2025 00:50

Your DH sounds like an utter dickhead. I would not forgive him for this. You can have your differences but your kids come first. He is a despicable father. If he would at least FaceTime and make an effort he wouldn't need to come home. He just doesn't care at all. Your poor DD. How a man treats his children shows you what type of a man he is. He acts like this because he can and there are no repercussions. He sounds like a spoiled baby.

My text response would be a long the lines of, "sorry I won't be able to contact you with updates for the next few days as I will be busy with solicitor appointments and filing for divorce. I will deliver your things to your mums for when you return. No need to respond, I know you are so so busy."

Notmyrealname22 · 15/09/2025 01:14

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:25

He says he can’t FaceTime in the evenings in Australia because he’s either “still working or resting”! I’m so angry with him and DD keeps asking for him too.

This is bullshit! 5:30pm in australia is 8:30am in the UK, so there’s plenty of time for him to FaceTime. At least 5 or 6 hours per day. This is quite strange and really unforgivable.

He is being a selfish shit for not coming home to be with your DD, and to support you with your youngest DD.

My DH travels a lot for work. We fortunately have not had this issue, but I think he would come home early in these circumstances. He also FaceTimes us twice a day, regardless of where in the world he is.

LondonPapa · 15/09/2025 01:37

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 23:49

I’m so angry with him

Tbh you should ask his manager directly if you have her details. She’ll confirm if he’s actually working and then you can make a decision.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 01:43

Rayqueen · 15/09/2025 00:35

Don't get why you want him home tbh. With a child with a lifelong chronic illness and many a day spent in hospital I would never think to make a fuss about hubby travelling back and leaving work. Yes we would video call but because it's a regular occurrence like yours work has to continue etc. I feel your making a big deal over it and how stressful it will be for your husband tbh. Facetime fair enough im sure he could do that but I expect some of the refusing is down to feeling a bit mad about how your going on that's all. If it was absolutely life-threatening my hubby would be home like a shot tho but no not for a usual back in hospital because the illness is bad right now.

Haha, good one.

DoneKebab · 15/09/2025 01:48

ReadingSoManyThreads · 14/09/2025 23:51

Must be nice to live in your simplistic world!

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If only. Like most people right now, my life is complicated and a bit shit. My husband is a bit shit too, but I think he’d at least be somewhat present for a child in hospital.

Pallisers · 15/09/2025 01:57

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/09/2025 00:18

Yes, I know OP has a job too. It's not about the bar for men being low, I'd have the same view if the sexes were reversed. As far as I'm concerned, one parent is being there for the sick child, the other parent is the other side of the world working, the other child is being well cared for by the best friend. Some jobs are more flexible than others, of course if he had a job were he could just suddenly take parenting leave, then great, but in this case, he cannot.

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How do you know he cannot take parenting leave?

Are you worried about how the best friend will cope with an extra 3 year old. she may have a job "providing for the family" too.

Are you presuming that the OP's job is lower paid as she's a woman and his is higher paid because he's a man - might not at all be the case. The OP's job may be the more important one for "providing for the family"

And how the hell do you explain how this man won't facetime his child in the hospital.

Yeah your bar for men is really really low.

babyproblems · 15/09/2025 02:18

loobylou10 · 14/09/2025 15:06

Wouldn’t expect him to come home - it’s too far I think. Totally would expect him to FaceTime. Selfish pig.

My thoughts too. I think it’s not essential he cones home but definitely could ring.

Momtotwokids · 15/09/2025 02:37

I usually think women on here say to leave their husband but I would tell him don't bother coming home. Leaving work is one thing but it sounds like he is too busy to be a father and FaceTime your little one.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 02:38

MissIonX · 14/09/2025 23:02

Up your standards. Women don't need to be martyrs.

His sick, hospitalised child is asking for him, that alone should be enough. But the (insert your own expletive) can't even be bothered to facetime because he's "resting".

Hospital time is exhausting. Speaking from experience. It's noisy, there are regular checks on your child, they are unsettled themselves from feeling ill, medicines and strange noises. If two adults aren't there, they're left alone when you need to shower/ go to the bathroom/ get food.

This isn't a out being childish and needing someone to hold your hand. This is about your PARTNER showing up and being a partner when dealing with the stress of a sick child and juggling another staying with friends because daddy is too busy to come home. I feel sorry for you that you would expect so little from a partner.

Priorities all wrong. I would divorce my husband if he did this.

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It's not being a martyr. It's called being a grown up.
He's at work working. He's probably stressed and he's got his wife pestering to come home when the only reason why she wants him to is to "show her he cares" rather than it being the rational or logical thing to do.
I've seen women like that ruin good relationships.
Him being home would be of very little use to her anyway. Not to mention the financial hit. I'm sure ops old enough to hold the fort for 2 weeks whilst her husband is bringing in money.
Seriously just grow up. You lot are adults not babies.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 02:44

PretendToBeToastWithMe · 14/09/2025 23:02

Did you miss the bit about how OPs other child (a 3 year old) is being looked after by a friend whilst OP is with her 7-year old in hospital? Or the part where OP is having to take leave from her own job to manage the situation with her children?

On what planet should only one parent be expected to manage this entire situation for a week or longer when there is a second parent who’s equally responsible for both children? Your response is bizarre.

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Did you miss the bit about how OPs other child (a 3 year old) is being looked after by a friend whilst OP is with her 7-year old

And? it looks like she used common sense and sorted the issue.
What do you think friends are there for. As I said before it takes a village.

Or the part where OP is having to take leave from her own job to manage the situation with her children

So you want 2 sources of income to take a hit rather than just the one? Very sensible that.

Confusdworriedmum · 15/09/2025 02:56

In your OP you said he's a great dad but he clearly isn't as he can't be bothered to even Facetime your DD. You might know for sure he's in Australia but do you know for sure who he's with. His attitude and excuses sounds like he's having an affair.
He is too busy and tired to call but expects you to text regularly. Don't bother. He can text you if he wants to know how DD is or better still come home .
I don't know if I could get past how selfish he's being. Might be something to think about when DD is better.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 03:02

Crazyworldmum · 14/09/2025 23:04

Because they have more than one child so one should be with the other and swap . Above all because the op asked him .
Im far from a snowflake I was a single mum 15 years I’ve been alone in all the above situations and picked a husband I knew would be by my side if they happened because they are are scary , lonely and hard . It’s a wedding it should be 2 people supporting each other . OP clearly needs him and so does this child so he should be there .

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Because they have more than one child so one should be with the other and swap

but it doesn't make logical sense though.
If a man is in another country on a very big job,seemingly for a decent chunk of money and his daughter is in hospital with a non life threatening illness,which has probably happened many times before in the past does it make sense to ask him to fly half way across the world when there's a partner at home? She's got one other child not 10. Op is a grown woman. And the daughter is going to be out in a few days anyway.
I do think he should FaceTime her but one thing I have noticed about men is that when you become irrational and keep pestering ans nagging them they act irrational back. Not to excuse it but it's so common.
"Wife makes a big fuss when there doesn't need to be one", "husband gets annoyed back then checks out because he doesn't like getting bossed about"...We need to understand that both men and women are human and people make mistakes but it's not everyday wake up and look to have a huge blow up.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 03:03

MumWifeOther · 14/09/2025 23:08

Oh do shut up.

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Right back at you

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 03:05

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 23:09

@Hadmysay you've had your say now shut up

You shut up yourself and do one

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 03:07

DinaofCloud9 · 14/09/2025 23:12

WTF.

The op is concerned her child wants to speak to her father you fool.

Op have you answered his message yet?

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You can be concerned for your child and still act irrationally and still need to grow up.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 03:13

2Rebecca · 14/09/2025 23:32

Is she in and out of hospital a lot so this isn’t an unusual occurrence? I presume she isn’t that unwell if she can be bothered about video messages rather than just “ your father is a long flight away and sends his love”. If she is unlikely to die and the hospital is part of ongoing management of her ongoing condition then I would let him get on with his job and sort out your obvious unhappiness with your relationship on his return.

This is all I'm trying to get at.
It doesn't always need to be a fight

NaiceBalonz · 15/09/2025 03:19

If he wanted to, he would. Take from that what you will.

Hadmysay · 15/09/2025 03:20

DoneKebab · 14/09/2025 23:40

Why a village and not the father?

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BECAUSE HES IN ANOTHER COUNTRY EARNING A TON OF MONEY FOR HIS FAMILY.

Francestein · 15/09/2025 03:27

Big Whoop. If you love them you’re not “too tired” to call your sick kid

falalalalaaaaaaaa · 15/09/2025 03:42

I genuinely don’t say this lightly OP but this would most likely be a relationship ending thing for me. I’d honestly be texting him to let him know that he needs to get his priorities straight - his priorities being his seriously ill child in hospital and his wife who is begging him for support - or he needs to seriously consider whether he still wants to remain married, because you aren’t sure if you can when he is being so mind bogglingly selfish.

It’s one thing saying he can’t get back, but he hasn’t even asked. And now he suddenly can’t even text? It would take five minutes out of his day to call her.

Is there a chance he has a second family, or another woman out there which might complicate things? Sorry to ask - I just can’t help but think that there’s not a job in the world that would keep me from getting home to my sick 7 year old, let alone making a phone call. Sorry he’s being such an arse. I’m so cross on your behalf.