To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

Is he trying to detach himself from what’s happening at home? That’s the only thing I can think of. Its quite unforgivable to do this.

I don’t think I could reply to that.

How is it not the same? Child in hospital father in different country with work.

Even if the father was there what could he actuallly do that's not being done already?

What bullshit. I’m in Australia and I’m on video calls with the uk for work every week. I’d tell him call his daughter and make her feel loved or we are done.

My goodness. Well I hope he earns an absolute fortune doing something incredibly stressful and dangerous that warrants his self-important and selfish attitude. It doesn't sound like it though, he just sounds like an arse.

Goodness, this is all very strange if totally out of the blue behaviour OP!

I'd forward that to his boss and explain you child is in the hospital for at least a week and ask what is going on there that he is too busy to respond to possibly urgent updates re hospitalization.

It's time to expose him.

Unfortunately I think there is something more going on in Australia.
Maybe another woman.
What a shitbag he is.
Can't even spare a minute out of his life to message his own child never mind his wife and the other child.

I can answer that one. They hospital will still care for the child patient without a parent staying there 24/7.

I wouldn’t have expected him to fly home. But he doesn’t have any excuse for not FaceTiming or calling.

He is neglecting his responsibilities as a father and as a husband. That’s the only update I’d send him.

On his return, I’d be telling him that he needs to find somewhere else to stay because the marriage is over. What he’s done (lack of FaceTime or other communication) is unforgivable.

Could he be having an affair? It really doesn’t sound normal behaviour!

Bloody hell, even Barak Obama when president would have managed a phone call home, I’m sure.
This would seriously make me consider divorce.

They are so little now I’ve read the full thread!! I’m just so gobsmacked. I’d send a group WhatsApp to his family and him saying you could really do with some support with dd in hospital, dh won’t come home early and doesn’t even want to talk to her, 6pm in Australia is 9am here so it’s not difficult with the times. Then message him and say you’re a shit husband and a worse dad, there is no way you love your 7yo child and I don’t think we can ever recover from this.

Thing is, you’d think if he were having an affair he’d try and make the situation seem less suspicious by acting more normal. Surely? Acting so badly would rouse suspicion.

He can fuck the fuck off.

OP, you are a single parent now.
you cannot even rely on him to talk to his child.
so as a single parent you do not have time to waste sending messages or texts to people who don’t give a shit.
pay your friend a wage for nannying your youngest out of the joint account.

also, when you are home put all important paperwork - birth certificates, passports, bank/pension info - in to a large envelope and ask your friend to put it somewhere safe in her house.

I’m sorry you married a cunt.

Oh no he didn't! That is shockingly shit!
I would be seriously considering divorce at this point. He can't be arsed replying to messages for the next two days while his child is in hospital.
His priorities are suspiciously in the wrong place.

Not even FaceTiming is not good

Leaving a military posting vs a corporate job? You’re saying it’s the same? I didn’t realise you could come home so easily from a military posting, sorry.

And what could he do there? Support his daughter, his wife. Help with looking after his younger child so the friend can be relieved of the role? Be a… father? Alternatively, make a couple of phone calls.

At first I thought that it might not be easy to fly all the way back from Australia, especially if DD should be discharged within the week so I could kind of understand him not coming home. But then I read he wouldn’t FaceTime and was appalled. And now to read he won’t even text you??? That’s horrific. I’m so sorry for you. How uncaring of him. I wouldn’t text him updates. You’re busier than him looking after your extremely poorly child

This..something is really not right here sorry OP. I would just focus on your dcs and stop communicating with him.

So he doesn't get a lunch break OP? Absolutely no down time between being "extremely busy" working and "resting"? Yeah, sorry OP, but he's definitely taking the piss now and I'd be livid with this nonsense.
If it's not too outing OP, what sort of work does he do that seems to be so critical? Does he travel a lot for work? Has he exhibited this sort of single-mindedness wrt work before?

Exactly this. I remember when I was dating it was always men who would be quick to suggest or attempt a FaceTime and this included men who worked in high pressured jobs - doctors etc.

if anything it was me that was reluctant lol I didn’t always want to give that energy to men I hadn’t met. But I couldn’t imagine turning down a FaceTime request even from one of my friend’s kids if they were sick or not!.

That is fucking appalling. I could never look at him the same way again.

I would also be tempted to email his boss because thats absolute bollocks

Im so sorry for you. If he was mine he wouldn't be allowed back in the house ever. Keep the messages for the lawyer.to demonstrate that he cant parent.

As I said upthread I believe he’s actively trying to detach himself from you and your kids. I don’t know why, it might just be him or
there could be someone else involved but either way he has checked out. I’m so sorry Op this behaviour must have come as a nasty shock if you’re used to seeing him be a good father and a partner. It’s scary how some men can turn so suddenly.