To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

He can make a phonecall but is allergic to FaceTime so it seems...

Yeah… if he’s not guilty of more than being cold and selfish then he’s doing a good job of looking like it!

I wouldn’t be calling or texting him and giving him any updates whatsoever. Nor would I be meeting him at the airport or anything. See if he got the message just how mad at him I was. I might leave the search engine of my laptop open on “shit hot divorce lawyer” too.

I hope your daughter is on the mend soon OP!
The not FaceTiming and only voice calling sounds very suspicious. I would be wondering who he was with. He sounds awful.

An X of mine used to go quiet on work trips. Turns out he was shagging one of his colleagues.

Look come on guys will call you from the bloody toilets at work. They will call you cooking. They will call you watching a movie. In the bath or shower.

This man just doesn’t care. Two calls in a week and his child’s in hospital.

Men who want to. Will.

I wouldn’t expect my husband to come all the way from Australia when he’s due back in a few weeks anyway unless the admission was very serious or I was completely without support and unable to manage.

Nonetheless, I would also expect him to be falling over himself to organise FaceTiming.

um sounds a bit cheat-y not work-y

"On a jolly in Australia"

Have you even been on a business trip?

OP has already stated he's made phone calls

There would be no coming back from this for me
Your poor little girl, she's asking for him and he can't even FaceTime her to ask/see how she is or Face Time you to see how you are/updates on her condition and to see how his youngest daughter is. It's nicer to see someone's face in situations like yours, it brings a little bit of comfort and he can't even give you both that. He's an absolute wanker
Seriously think about your future with this poor excuse of a human
I'd never forgive him for this

Yeah I probably worded that incorrectly to be honest... but there's still downtime

I suggest you change the locks and tell him to stay somewhere else when he does get home.
not calling his 7yo DD is utterly vile. He is in Australia in 2025. His after work time is a decent time to call his DD.

I can understand not requesting his boss sends him home early. If this is a routine / regular type of hospital admission. However I would expect loads of contact. Regardless of whether he is a mining engineer or a banker.

He should be calling his DD & the OP daily. several times every day.

my DD had the misfortune to spend 5 days in hospital this year. Every child in that ward had a dad who visited or stayed over. AND the parent on the ward was on the phone to the other parent and close family several times a day.

a sick child in hospital and a child at home takes a lot of energy.

hope you are ok OP.

Now he’s just messaged me to say he can’t even reply to messages over the next 2 days because he’s “going to be extremely busy with work over the next 48 hours but still text me updates so that I can read them and see how DD is but I won’t be able to reply to them for the next 2 days but I can read them”!

Oh come on!!!!
Wtf is he playing at?

Wow 😔

It sounds like you know his boss or at least have had some past contact. Is it worth trying to call her and explaining your situation? It may shed some light on the issue - something feels “off”. Wishing your DD a very speedy recovery - take care OP.

Any reason he can't talk to his daughter on the phone rather than facetiming ?

Time to ring his Boss methinks

Drop the dead weight. Sorry I was busy looking after our child. Can’t text.

Have you told him that he’s a selfish shit and that if he keeps this up he can stay in Australia?

Your husband is a wanker. And a shit Dad. And a shit husband. Your poor daughter will remember this bollocks when she's older. And that is awful. Kick him into the long grass.

Well he can’t even text now it seems. Mr father of the year.

What’s he like normally with no work trip and no poorly child? Is he connected to you and/or the children?

That is absolutely ridiculous. I can understand if he meant he can’t respond immediately but to say he can’t spare literally one minute of his day to send you a loving message, or five minutes to FaceTime his poorly child, is despicable.

Frankly I would tell him what I thought of him.

What @Gingercar said. Do not message him. Let him try to reach you for info. I wonder if he does. I do think there’s something shady about his behaviour and regardless if he wanted to be in touch he would. It really is that simple. You and your children are not a priority for him. Your marriage is in a poor shape and that’s even assuming he’s not having a relationship with someone from work which looks like a possibility