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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH for not coming home?

957 replies

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 14:52

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

OP posts:
TottyMaude · 14/09/2025 21:02

Oh just cut the fucker off at this point. He can't be arsed can he? So don't be arsed with him. "Oh, sorry I didn't respond, I'm a bit busy with a sick child"

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 14/09/2025 21:03

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 20:14

I wouldn't - not for a chronic condition where she might be out in a week and I'm a few days' away. I would, however, FaceTime at a time suited to DD

Show quote history

What would you do with the younger 3 year that’s currently staying with a friend while OP is with her 7yo in the hospital?

What would you do about taking a second week off work?

Also, do you even have a child with a chronic condition? You seem so blasé about the stress OP is under. I have a child with a chronic condition… we’ve had a few hospital stays over the years. But it’s not the norm and each time something v serious happened that would have been life threatening without the hospitalisation. It’s certainly not routine, and I’m still not desensitised to the seriousness of my child being admitted to the children’s ward.

Laura95167 · 14/09/2025 21:05

Is DH terrified and prevaricating?

user1476613140 · 14/09/2025 21:08

Now there's a bit of context it seems your DH has went " 🙄🥱 been here before... Another admission "

He could at least give her a video call to cheer her up due to the distance.

doubleshift · 14/09/2025 21:08

Are you dependent on his wage? If so he needs to keep his job.

PaperDreamsHoney · 14/09/2025 21:11

This sounds an awful lot like my ex. Oh dear, child in hospital - poor me, I must rest, I can't possibly even manage to make a phone call... I am so much better off on my own.

NImumconfused · 14/09/2025 21:11

doubleshift · 14/09/2025 21:08

Are you dependent on his wage? If so he needs to keep his job.

The OP has already said she's had to take time off her own job to stay with DD1 in hospital, her "D"H doesn't appear to feel any responsibility for either of his kids.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2025 21:12

Is Life360 showing him at work and a hotel?

EveningSpread · 14/09/2025 21:13

What an uncaring bastard.

I might appreciate that he couldn’t come home - especially if this is a known condition and she’ll be alright - but not bothering to call or FaceTime because he’s “resting” is pathetic. And merrily leaving everything to you with DDs 1 and 2 as well is poor form.

If my DP behaved like that about our DD, and it wasn’t cos he’d had a bump to the head, I’d never look at him the same way again.

Shr3dding · 14/09/2025 21:16

Do they have weekends in Australia? Surely he can't have been working/resting for the whole of the past two days

Montereyjaaack · 14/09/2025 21:16

Why are so many people thinking that because it’s a chronic condition linked to this hospitalisation that it couldn’t become life threatening- hospitals don’t keep children in hospital for at least a week for no good reason (I say this as a parent of a disabled child who has had some hospitalisation for lung infections which have been touch and go at some points and it wasn’t clear there was an upward recovery trajectory (as with such things there rarely is)). Even minus disability recovery can be unreliable with possible secondary infections for example.

Sure he may not need to fly home immediately but it’s pretty shitty to leave his wife and other very young child without contact from him just because it’s presumed to be a week in hospital … a child in hospital who is not having routine treatment for a condition is likely to be in hospital because it’s deemed not safe to go home - why would that not scare him enough to even raise it with his boss or FaceTime the poor 7 year old in hospital..

I would find this impossible to get past.

RealEagle · 14/09/2025 21:21

You sure he’s in Australia? The not FaceTiming because he needs to rest ,This bloke is a massive dick .

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 21:22

RealEagle · 14/09/2025 21:21

You sure he’s in Australia? The not FaceTiming because he needs to rest ,This bloke is a massive dick .

He's definitely there says OP

Bloozie · 14/09/2025 21:25

Needs rest when he's not working fuck right off.

It may well be that he can't come home. And arguably doesn't need to.

But avoiding calls and speaking to his sick daughter that is asking for him? Absolute cunt behaviour. I would be furious.

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 21:26

Bloozie · 14/09/2025 21:25

Needs rest when he's not working fuck right off.

It may well be that he can't come home. And arguably doesn't need to.

But avoiding calls and speaking to his sick daughter that is asking for him? Absolute cunt behaviour. I would be furious.

May be that he doesn't want to....

lovemetomybones · 14/09/2025 21:33

I think there are two separate issues here. Firstly the lack of support he is giving you and your daughter from Australia. There is simply no excuse for that. The moments he is not working he should be doing everything he can including face time, texts, getting his family to support you, doing a Tesco shop and getting it delivered, doing absolutely anything he can to make your life easier. This I would not be able to forgive and forget so easily. His current actions show he is not there for his family emotionally or practically. He’s abandoned you all.

secondly leaving Australia. This is a hard one without knowing the full details, but at the absolute minimum he should inform work of his home situation and tell them it might be needed that he goes home. At the very very least that’s the bare minimum he should be doing. Has he even let his boss know?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:34

EdithBond · 14/09/2025 20:19

Though, once she’s out of hospital, who does he expect to look after her at home?

Is he expecting @Coffeeoftheworld to take even more time off her job to care for a sick child at home?

Show quote history

I don't know, I suspect it may be fractionally easier for the care to be shared when DH is not in Australia

Gallopingfanjo · 14/09/2025 21:36

Coffeeoftheworld · 14/09/2025 15:44

He’s answered 2 voice calls whilst he’s been in Australia and the rest of our conversations have been by text/message.

Edited

If he didn't FaceTime me, I'd leave him, I swear to god that would be the beginning of the end. SOMETHING is going on here

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:37

Rewis · 14/09/2025 20:52

Don't send him updates unless he asks.

I could forgive/understand him not coming home if he was otherwise showing some concern. Staying up late to call. Sending a text every few hours etc. And be ready to come back if things take a turn or something.

"Don't send him updates unless he asks"

How petty would that be. Do people really play tit for tat in this way? 🤷‍♀️

Frankenpug23 · 14/09/2025 21:38

Your H is a fucking joke - this would be something I would need to consider in a sense of whether I want to be with him.

So not only will he not talk to his boss, he won’t facetime his DD who desperately wants to see him, he won’t come home and on top of that his other child is with your best mate not their twat of a Dad.

This is disgusting - his I am tired nonsense is just bullshit - how does he think you are managing?? I am furious on your behalf OP and don’t think I could forgive this. Why is his work and life more important?? My DH would come home and I would expect him too.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:40

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 14/09/2025 21:03

What would you do with the younger 3 year that’s currently staying with a friend while OP is with her 7yo in the hospital?

What would you do about taking a second week off work?

Also, do you even have a child with a chronic condition? You seem so blasé about the stress OP is under. I have a child with a chronic condition… we’ve had a few hospital stays over the years. But it’s not the norm and each time something v serious happened that would have been life threatening without the hospitalisation. It’s certainly not routine, and I’m still not desensitised to the seriousness of my child being admitted to the children’s ward.

Show quote history

No, not blase - just realistic having cared for a loved one for the last 10 years with a chronic condition.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 14/09/2025 21:42

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:37

"Don't send him updates unless he asks"

How petty would that be. Do people really play tit for tat in this way? 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I don’t see it as tit for tat, but more an acknowledgement of putting your energy where you get most out of it ie the children and anyone else who is supporting you. Her DH is giving nothing, and if you only have a limited amount of energy, pursuing him isn’t the best use of that energy.

GerberasAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 14/09/2025 21:45

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:37

"Don't send him updates unless he asks"

How petty would that be. Do people really play tit for tat in this way? 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Why should she though? He's indifferent, he isn't prioritising his wife and child who are in quite a stressful situation and the younger child in the care of a friend
He deserves nothing, no updates etc
The OP needs to conserve her energy for herself and her ill daughter whilst the waste of space is on a jolly in Australia, he's effectively gone AWOL on the other side of the world when he's desperately needed

DoneKebab · 14/09/2025 21:46

doubleshift · 14/09/2025 21:08

Are you dependent on his wage? If so he needs to keep his job.

I doubt they’ll fire him for making FaceTime calls during his own time?

I also think OP might want to keep her job too given she has an unreliable husband showing her his priorities.

DoneKebab · 14/09/2025 21:47

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/09/2025 21:34

I don't know, I suspect it may be fractionally easier for the care to be shared when DH is not in Australia

Show quote history

I don’t know, this is a guy who can’t make a phonecall.