To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

Yes id stop answering any messages or calls from him from now on
He doesn't care enough to face time

If it were my ds id be straight home no matter what

This

That is pretty poor. Even if you accept that he can't come home, refusing to Facetime because he's "busy" or "resting" is an utterly unthinkable level of selfishness - how much rest are you getting OP?

He’s acting like a right bellend! I wouldn’t be giving him updates or answering any emails or calls.

I just wonder if he is with someone he doesn't want to learn he is there whilst his daughter is in hospital. That ironically their learning this would affect his image. So for example he can't FT at night because he'd have to excuse himself / leave a shared bed.
Or maybe he is just totally selfish...not sure why you are the default parent and he can drop his responsibilities.
Sincerely sorry for the strain you are under and wishing your little one well fast.

When I read the post at first I assumed an older child, but the fact she is 7 and he wont even facetime her when she is asking is awful. The fact you have a younger child too being looked after by a friend and he can't even face time to rest is ridiculous.

When are you meant to rest? How is it on you to juggle this all alone? The fact he hasn't even mentioned it to his boss is ridiculous. They could maybe shorten the trip if he was to ask?
Equally the way some people are talking about Australia, unless he is in the outback he will have great wifi, like there was the last time I was there 15 years ago...

I hope you daughter is better soon OP and the selfish husband comes to his senses!

I was undecided but after reading this YANBU. It’s like he’s deliberately detaching himself from the situation. ETA: I’ve just read your daughter is only 7 too.

I feel if you’d put this all in your Op the voting would look different

I have had a daughter in hospital with a life threatening illness and I would expect my husband to come home. I have had children in hospital for less and would probably not expect him home, if he was in Australia. It would depend on how manageable I thought the medical situation was based on the child's chronic illness.

I would come home from wherever I was as a child's mum!

I absolutely wouldn't for one moment find it acceptable if he was not facetiming and calling every single friggin day! One to speak to his daughter Two to speak me who would be carrying the weight of the situation without him. I would make it very clear. I don't think I could think of my husband in the same way, if that wasn't what he was doing.

Maybe pay for some marriage counselling sessions as a return from your trip present!

It’s not just that your DD is in hospital, he is expecting you to sort out your other DD and your work. Can’t believe he won’t even FaceTime? Has he asked how you are coping?

Good point. The bar is so low for men.

I don’t think he should necessarily have to come home - but being too busy to talk on the phone daily doesn’t make any sense to me? I went to Australia for work once. I was very busy but still talked to my partner on the phone daily because I wanted to, even without a family emergency? 🤔

The fact he’s ignoring family as well as you is alarming when your daughter is in hospital

So he's prioritising his sleep over ensuring his daughter is OK....

How grim of him.... I mean one 5 minute call isn't going to kill him... Say at 8am/8pm etc....

Yup I remember that thread, he didn’t apparently have a ticket but managed to get in 🤦‍♀️ everyone said he was a dick.

Why? When my eldest was small and admitted to hospital her dad was in the middle east ( gulf war) . Didn't have facetime then. Just had to get on with it tbh. I certainly wasn't angry at home for that?

Realistically can you afford a last minute flight from Australia for him, ..? Or because to live financially if he lives his job?

So your partner was presumably in the military and couldn’t leave and FaceTime didn’t exist. That’s very different to this set of circumstances though isn’t it?

Work will have paid for the OP’s husband’s flight and he could ask for emergency leave and pay a small amount to change the return flight. Or he could speak to his friends/family and help arrange childcare for his other child. Or he could just FaceTime his sick child. Just once. Or he could do fuck all.

This is also strange, is he having some kind of breakdown, is he under a lot of job stress?

Depending on the nature of the illness and the importance of the work trip I could understand, potentially but with some reluctance, not coming back. I would expect it to be a discussion about severity, length of admission, care of the other child, impact on the mother, work consequences etc.

There is absolutely no way I could ever overlook the lack of FaceTime. His young daughter is ill in hospital and asking to have a video call with him, and he says no, claiming some BS about being tired and needing to rest. I could genuinely never get over that selfishness (never mind the oddness of this and the fact it unfortunately leads me to other conclusions)

If someone shows you who they really are, listen. He is so clearly showing you the man that he really is.

I think as the admission is only expected to last a week, I wouldn't expect him to come back. But if he genuinely wouldn't facetime, I'd divorce him.

Not joking, I wouldn't want to be married to a man who didn't love his kid.

A mum would be crucified for this. One could almost, almost excuse not coming home if he was constantly calling and in contact. But his refusal to speak. No. I’d be unable to ever see him in the same light again and telling him so. This would imperil my marriage irreparably.

This isn’t relevant to op at all!

It's even worse that he's stopped answering his phone when OP and other family members try and ring him. They could be phoning to tell him that his daughter has taken a turn for the worst but he doesn't care. I'd find this behaviour very hard to forgive.

Can't be arsed to facetime his little girl in hospital? What a shit dad he is.

I'd be going ballistic when the twat finally gets home.

Imagine how much worse this would be if op didn’t have a good friend.

Her other child would be where? Because hospitals don’t tend to let extra non patient children stay and they do tend to expect a parent to stay. That leave what social services getting involved.

Dh hasn’t done bugger all to help the situation.

Sorry to add to your already distressing situation but along with being angry I’d actually be suspicious of why he can’t FaceTime.
he needs to rest!! Wtf! I’d have a feeling he’s not wanting to expose something or someone over there.
sending lots of best wishes and strength. Id just cut him out now and save your energy for your kids, he can get in touch when he finds the time energy the prick