To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

I’m sure OP could (and is) coping without FaceTime but saying it wasn’t always around irrelevant as it IS available now but the DH is choosing to not use. It’s very strange behaviour and I feel rather suspicious. My DH goes away for
work and sometimes we don’t even call if both busy and kids busy but damn straight he’d be answering a FaceTime call if I needed support as our child was in hospital (not to mention FaceTiming the child so they can see their dad). It’s odd he won’t give you or DC 5 minutes.

does he travel to Australia often?

OP is your daughter type 1 diabetic or has cystic fibrosis ????

He needs to rest?

When do YOU get a rest?!

I'm furious with the guy and I don't even know him! Not even calling your DD is awful.

My ex was on the next flight home from South East Asia where he was working when I messaged to say our then 12yr old DD was having a blood transfusion. Probably wasn’t necessary but they suspected sepsis at first and he lost his dad to that. He is currently overseas again (but much closer) and i’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything and he has a high profile role. Your DH is an idiot.

He’s definitely in Australia because as a family we use life360 so we can see where each other is

I wouldn’t expect him to come back for something that’s not life threatening.

But I absolutely would expect him to FaceTime.

If my DP said he couldn’t call his sick child because he was ‘resting’ then the relationship would be over.

He is supposed to want to speak to his child, regardless of whether they are poorly or not. It shouldn’t be a chore.

I only ask because some parent (most of the time dads) sometimes find it hard to come to terms with these conditions. And they start being less and less interested etc and then they eventually peace out…my sister’s child has one of these conditions and her marriage ended abruptly when her child was 5. She was shocked but I saw it coming. Her DH was being unfaithful and never came to terms with the diagnosis as saw it as a failing of sorts. just wondering if you DH never came to terms with your dd diagnosis and if there’s any counselling or support you could access through any charities etc

The not answering calls is odd really odd

DS once had chicken pox when DH was away that got infected and no he didn’t come back but he was in constant contact and making sure everything was ok

his reaction is odd is he definitley at work?

Op is your child’s diagnosis genetic or have a genetic link?

“Think it through for a moment” is rather patronising? I, like most on here, have “thought it through”. There is no way, time difference or not, my DH would NOT FaceTime DD in this scenario. None. And if he said he was “resting”? I would point out that not only was I not at work, I was looking after one DD in hospital and another stuck with a friend, so he could frankly fuck off with his “rest” and get on the sodding phone.

Honestly, if our daughter had a chronic illness and the doctors are happy to speak about discharging in a week (most doctors I know wouldn’t want to even consider talking about discharge if it was really serious), I’d expect to just update my DH every so often to let him know that it’s going ok. Especially as it would take almost as long for him to come home as she would be in hospital. We’re Facetimers, so we prolly would if he was away but you’ve said you’re not.
You’re carrying everything here while he’s gone, including responsibility for your other DD, so I completely understand why you’ll be feeling upset and resentful in this situation. But in answer to your question, no, I would not expect my DH to leave a work placement with just two weeks to go if it was me:

I've read most of the posts of this thread. I agree with what a lot of what has already been said.

What sticks out for me that we as women have fought so hard for equality in the workplace place and in society but it really has backfired on us.
So we have OP who is working, presumably full time, but is having to juggle her work responsibilities with caring for a young child and also bearing the full emotional load of a sick child in hospital. Whilst her H not only refuses to come home to share the family responsibilities but even refuses to interact with his sick child or even properly with OP. Where is the equality in that?
I can just about excuse him not coming home but his refusal to face time is totally incomprensible. Either he really doesn't give a shit about his child, or in fact his wife, or there really is something else going on in his life.
I feel so sorry for his dd and I feel so angry on behalf of OP that he is not showing her any support in a difficult and stressful supposedly family situation which should be down to both of them to weather, not just OP.

I hate the sound of him. I bet if it was you op you would be frantic to FaceTime your daughter and would stay up all hours to do so.

I’d rush home and be on the first plane home if DD was admitted to hospital whilst I was away for work.

Only friend who’s chap worked aboard and wouldn’t answer actual calls / FaceTimes. Was using those working holidays to shag his now Mrs who also worked at the company.

Apart from the odd text and photo like here’s the pool at the hotel she would get near silence.

The fact his ignoring other family as well…

And again it’s also not fair that ops friend is the one picking up the slack there is two parents. Two children.

He has been "on the sodding phone". He hasn't been on the sodding video phone.

So, you've thought it through and decided the best way to help a stressed OP is to imply her H is lying about his location and possibly having an affair? An interesting approach, I'll give you that one.

We managed to use an internet cafe in the early 2000s, up a remote mountain in Tasmania to contact home. It's not that hard.

But as a family surely you will need to chat about how you will manage DD chronic condition if this could happen regularly. Surely you won't always be able to drop everything to be with her in hospital.
Do you also work full time? This is where you will both have to take it in turns taking time off, as no matter how sympathetic your boss may be, they are not going to allow you to keep taking time off. Likewise financially surely you will be needing to hold down a job, so both of you taking time off unpaid will also have a negative impact on your life.
I think you need to have a proper talk when he is back about your plans for her being hospitalised.

I would send him a message saying his daughter is seriously ill in hospital and wants the comfort of videocalling her father. And that if he is unwilling to give up even 15 minutes of his rest time to do this then there needs to be a serious discussion when he gets home about his priorities.

Then let him decide and I wouldn't entertain it further.

@Coffeeoftheworld YABU to expect him to come back from Australia for something that isn't life-threatening, particularly as he's only been out there for a week out of the required three (I might feel differently if he'd been out there for 2.5 weeks). However, YAdefinitelyNBU to expect him to FaceTime with your DD and his excuse that he "needs to rest" is beyond lame. How much would it take out of him to speak with his DD for half an hour, say, every other day? This part of his behaviour I would find inexcusable and I'd be leaving him in no doubt as to how selfish and despicable his apparent carelessness is.

I would 100% expect my DH to come back immediately (and he would), not least to look
after his other child. Is she just supposed to stay with a friend most of the week whilst you juggle everything else? Does he not care about his children at all? Honestly, this is fucking wild to me. And a week is a long time in hospital for a child (for the pp who said it’s not a long admission).

I'd changed the locks. What a selfish prick.

So who else is he with in Australia? A female colleague? I’d tell him he starts FaceTiming today or not to bother coming home and that his stuff will be out on the doorstep for him to collect when he gets back from his “work trip!!”

Many younger children prefer a Facetime call rather than a standard phone call.
I imagine the Op's daughter might want to be able to see as well as speak to her father.

Given the Op is handling a child in hospital, her own work concerns and their other child, the husband could at the very least Facetime call his unwell kid.

No idea why anyone would make up excuses for that.

I agree.
Absolutely wild.
So you're imposing on friends to cover a husband that won't come home nor even face time his unwell child?
Wild.