To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

Re: the data usage
Surely under the circumstances his Company would accommodate

Has he said anything to you OP with regards to the above? If he's not mentioned it then that's not the problem here is it, there's something else going on as to why he's refusing to FT you and his ill Daughter

I’m suspicious he’s not in Australia.

OP said he most definitely is 🤷‍♀️

I wouldnt expect or even ask my DH in these circumstances.

BUT.....i would be absolutely expect him to be FTing everyday single bloody day.

Have you told him how upset you are?

Or not staying in a hotel / generally where he says he is.

There is something extremely odd about the refusal to Facetime if he is not generally a callous twat who doesn't care about his child's feelings.

If your DD suffers from a chronic condition then I'm guessing she's been admitted before and you do have an idea how this will go so unless she's more unstable than before I wouldn't expect him to come home but I would 100% expect him to face time. My husband worked for an Australian company in the UK for 9 years and did twice yearly trips over there. I don't think I would have expected him to come back unless our DC was seriously unwell.

Why the refusal to FaceTime? It’s possible he’s off somewhere else entirely. Also possible that he does have some work time in austrialia but has tagged on an additional holiday and that’s where he is. There is some reason he is not showing his location.

Do you FaceTime as a family? We never do so it wouldn’t be unusual.

Very strange OP. Does he normally FaceTime? I can’t see why you wouldn’t unless he isn’t where he says he is?!

In those circumstances I wouldn’t necessarily expect him to rush back but I would expect him to care. I would have thought he’d have to come back to look after your other child? Can your friend have her for such a long time? I would step in if a friend asked but I would expect the Dad to cut his work trip short and come home.

But, as a parent who is working away you would think that they'd want to FT their ill child and support their Spouse who's juggling everything in the UK

Since you have another DD who is being cared for by a friend I would expect him to come back to look after other DD. I would also expect him to FaceTime with his children if he’s away for many weeks at a time regardless of whether a child was ill or not.

This is why I’m so angry with him because he won’t come back and there’s also no good reason why he can’t FaceTime

YANBU. It's not only about your daughter but the support YOU need. And he's not supporting you, not even from afar.

Not always no.

My husband works away a fair bit - often with 9-12 hour time differences and really busy schedules and he tries very hard to FaceTime every day. We also have two daughters and if one of them was sick in hospital, depending on what the problem was, I would not be able to stop him coming home. I occasionally work away, last time I did, there was an 8 hour time difference and I confess I was tired and a bit disoriented, but in the week I was away I FaceTimed 3 times and was in touch every day. I relate this only to mention that I’ve been on both sides, but only on situations where everyone was well. If one of my girls was sick I’d be frantic on the phone wanting updates constantly!
Whilst I’m not sure it’s unreasonable not to come home (again depending on what’s wrong with your little one), it is ABSOLUTELY unreasonable for him not to even FaceTime the wee lamb. WTF is wrong with him? Has he expressed any kind of concern or interest? I’d not be able to forgive this tbh. It’s very weird.

I’m fairly certain that his boss would allow him to come home early if he asked her and if I was him I would come home anyway even if my boss was unhappy.

Have you got a close family member that can FT him to have a word? It'll be interesting if he messages back saying that he can't pick up to talk... and then they can ask why

He’s not answering calls from other family members either.

It's not so much the coming home. I understand why he wouldn't, but talking to his daughter in hospital only once is shocking. A caring dad would want to speak every day, even if 10 mins. The being tired is such a pathetic excuse. 10, even just 5mns to ask how she is and that he is thinking of her is not tiring. What is wrong with him?

Oh for goodness sake. This isn’t a film set in 1980s New York 🙄

Oh....

Calm down dear

It wasn't that long ago that a Facetime call wouldn't even have been an option OP. You will be fine without a Facetime call - millions of people have managed before and you can manage now. He is making conventional telephone calls and keeping in contact by other means - that's fine.

He's also half way around the world and assuming he could get a seat on a flight tonight (without jeopardising his job) he still wouldn't be back for 24-36 hours. It's not like he can get home this evening.

He is of little practical help from where he is and it's shitty and stressful, but I don't think there's much that can be done. You need to think pragmatically and I know that's hard when you are worried about your child.

As for everyone saying he's not in Australia and that's why he won't facetime, how do you think OP would be able to tell the difference between a hotel room in Australia versus one in India or the US or Guatemala? It's daft, think it through for a moment.

There's always background noise tho.... maybe he's being extra cautious, who knows but somethin' ain't right!