To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

[JTT95]

I think it is messed up that these days a lot of women have to go back to work after maternity leave whether they like it or not. It seems like everyone is sending their babies to nursery at 1 or even earlier. I know that some women want to and are happy to go back but there are many women who are heartbroken to leave their babies so young. I wish it was like the olden days where a man’s wage was enough to suport the whole family.

Do you 'feel sad' for everyone who would like not to work but finances won't allow? Because that's the majority of people.

Oh dear. The patriarchy has you well trained OP.

As long as we continue to perpetuate the myth that women are here to make life easier for the men folk, then that cycle will continue.

Fuck that.

I’d hate to be a SAHM, I’m not cut out for full time motherhood and hats off to those that are.

Having said that, I’d love for both me and my partner to work less. The ideal would be 3 days work a week each, 2 days as a family and 1 day each personal time! While still having jobs of a similar level and challenge as we do now.

Never gonna happen, but it’s nice to dream …

Why just women? Especially when we're talking about after 1+ year.

Flexible working should just be a more available option when it is possible depending on the career and it should become socially acceptable for men to request it as much as women so both parents can spend more time with their DC.

I certainly would not want to return to a (mythical?)time when men went to work and women stayed home
MyDH and I both work and share everything equally
If men or women want to stay home that is their choice, but they shouldn’t get state support to do so
My DC are well adjusted happy young adults whom I have a great relationship with as does their Dad, and they appreciate the financial support we have been able to provide

Do you need to say anything, though? What about just listening to how they feel? Maybe ask about what they are doing for and with their DC in their non- work time? How they are organising childcare, how their partner feels? What their actual workplace is like? If they are meeting new people or what challenges they are having or where they are succeeding. You know, focus on them without making it about how you feel.

If that's the case, then obviously it's best for you to stay at home.

Not sure why this is anyone else's concern however?

No not really. No one forced them to have a baby, no one forces them back to work. They are all decisions made by adults who have free will.

I agree, it’s a shame that the cost of living is so high now that some women don’t have a choice to stay at home when they would like to. I feel extremely lucky that my son is 5 years old, in year 1 and I’m still a SAHM (although I did do my undergraduate degree during these years). Starting my master’s 2 years part-time next week so I’ll be at home for another couple of years at least :)

How does wishing women had more choice over the lives they lead a symptom of the “patriarchy”?

It sounds like your feminism is all about restricting choice and demanding women become wage slaves… not a very liberating pro-woman philosophy is it….

My grand mothers worked. Their mothers worked. Their grandmothers worked. This myth of women not working in the ‘olden days’ is just that - a myth.

Hmm. Unless the man was an abuser or an addict I suppose and then you’d all be f*. I’m glad we have the ability to take care of ourselves and our families now. Lots of men cannot be relied on.

Working for a living is not being a 'wage slave'.

Having a child is very expensive, and someone has to pay for it.

So unless you're lucky enough to be independently wealthy, what you are advocating is that the man becomes a 'wage slave' and his wife makes herself and her children entirely dependent on him. Definitely not very liberating.

It isn't very pro-woman to call them ''wage slaves'' either when men are usually called providers for earning money for their family.

Most women (and men) don't have careers, they have jobs. But neo-liberal capitalism does not value things like childrearing or breastfeeding so they are counted as costs not benefits to the economy and if a person is not an economic unit then they are of no worth. The result of this viewpoint is children who are not thriving, women who are doing the double shift and men just go on regardless.

If my choice was a Tesco's checkout, or even teaching, I would not go back to work if I could avoid it. There are so many better ways of spending the time when your children are young than having someone else do much of the child-rearing.

Oh dear, looks like this has turned into a working mum/sahm debate. I guess everyone sees this issue from their own point of view. I love being a Sahm so feel bad for women who tell me they wish they could do the same. If I loved working then maybe I would feel sorry for SAHMs. I

do agree that some people could have planned their finances better prior to having children to enable them to take a career break but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Yes it would be nice if you didn’t have to work at Tesco’s

but putting it as mothers , not parents , having more choice is wrong

That’s true and it’s also interesting how childcare workers are considered to be working but mums providing the childcare are “just sitting at home changing nappies”. The only difference is that the former are paying tax.

I’m advocating choice… You’re not, insist a woman should go back to work straight away irrespective of her wishes.

And as for the financial risks of a woman by being a stay-at-home mum, if she’s married, she should be protected by divorce laws, and if they don’t have enough teeth to protect women from
men paying maintenance, then our focus should be on that, not perpetuating a system that requires young mothers to work irrespective of their wishes.

and the fact it's their own children, they aren't providing childcare.

I was an SAHP till mine were settled in primary and it was bloody brilliant. I'm always intrigued by the "Oh but I'd find it boring" people. I was out & about all the time with the DC in toe & met lots of new people. Work's pretty boring in comparison 😂

You’re not, insist a woman should go back to work straight away irrespective of her wishes.

Can you show me exactly where I did this? I don't remember it at all.

And as for the financial risks of a woman by being a stay-at-home mum, if she’s married, she should be protected by divorce laws,

That won't protect her if her husband loses his job or becomes incapable of working through illness.

Making yourself and your children financially independent on one person is a very precarious way to live your life.

This.

A bit like men who say they’re babysitting their own kids. They’re yours. You’re not a childcare provider.

Or a bit like me complaining that I don't get paid for cleaning my own house, when a professional cleaner would be.

But it's better than being forced to give up work due to societal pressure, as many women were in our parents' and grandparents' generations. Isn't it.

We are very lucky to have the choice nowadays. Please don't wish it away.