To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

[JTT95]

I think it is messed up that these days a lot of women have to go back to work after maternity leave whether they like it or not. It seems like everyone is sending their babies to nursery at 1 or even earlier. I know that some women want to and are happy to go back but there are many women who are heartbroken to leave their babies so young. I wish it was like the olden days where a man’s wage was enough to suport the whole family.

Did I wake up in the 1950s?!? It’s been socially acceptable for a woman to have a career for a while now OP…..

I suppose it depends on the man you choose to have children with really.

Even in the 'olden days' some men didn't earn much and if his wife didn't work, they would end up poorer than some other families.

I feel sorry that some women are forced to stay at home because childcare is unaffordable

I agree I think it should be an equal, valid and valued choice to have a sahp in a family if that’s what works best in an individual’s circumstances. I also think if a woman wants a career that’s just as important but it should never be a choice someone has to make which then makes them unhappy or stressed.

With so many ND children now too with delaying diagnosis and support it’s often better for the child to have a sahp rather than go to nursery. It seems to be frowned upon though when actually it shouldn’t be.

Olden days?!
jesus
the whole family used to be an economic unit - everyone worked (not great by the way)
the housewife concept was conjured up by the advertising industry in the 50’s
i think you need to be outraged by the massive cost of childcare none of which gets to undervalued staff
also not working means no pension contributions etc and being forced to stay in crappy marriages
many women find huge satisfaction in work and want to build careers

Yeah the olden days weren’t like that.

my grandma went back to work in 1946 because her husband was with the army in Japan and she needed to live.

my mum went back to work in the 1980s because there was a recession on and without her working they didn’t have enough money for food.

only middle class women have ever been able to not work.

If a man's wage could support a family women's wages would have to have parity. We're no longer in the era where rents and mortgages were tuppence a week either.

In the "olden days" working class women worked and either took their children with them or got neighbours and relatives (or more likely their older siblings) to look after them. Middle class and upper class women employed a nursemaid or nanny to look after their children and then sent them off to boarding school.

I think the key point in your message is "whether they want to or not". It's sad that people feel they are not able to have their choice.

I've been lucky enough over the years to have the resources to choose to be a sahm and then later on be a working mum. I've also had the situation with my first where I had to return back to work before I wanted as mat leave was awful back in those days and handing over my 5 1/2 month old to nursery felt awful. I vowed not to do that again.

newsflash. some women do not want a career or cannot have one for various reasons. some would prefer to be at home with the children. This option just doesn't exist anymore and many work just to pay for childcare.

My eldest is 25 and I had to go back to work when he was 5 months old. Maternity leave was only 6 months and he came late.

Even back then we would have seriously struggled on one wage.

I had to go back to work when my babies were a few weeks old. There was no way of affording unpaid leave any longer than that and it was hugely damaging to be out for that long. I’d absolutely love to see some kind of protection that meant I could have taken extended leave with them but it just wasn’t possible. I’d also love to have annual leave and sick pay or the ability to take a day off, but I’m the breadwinner, and that’s just how it is.

My great gran went back to work in 1918 as her husband had been killed in the war and she had a baby to raise.

The idea that the role of women is to pop out babies and keep the home clean and tidy is absurd in 2025. Why educate us at all; if we’re just going to be wee little home-makers?

Some people have no choice but go back to work. My 2 were in childcare from 4 mths old.

these days you get 30h after they turn 9 months old. if you are on a low wage, UC pays 85% of the childcare bill. The system is set up in a way that you will always be better of working than not working. Even when my nursery fees were higher than my salary, it paid to work as I was £50 better off by the end of the months after tax credits.

Goodness you must cry every time you think about what your husband’s missing out on. Or whoever it is who’s performing the essential parenting role of providing financially for your child.

Not sure what olden days you mean either - every woman in my family has worked for generations. In working class families it’s the norm. The idea of staying home with children is a few hundred years old and was invented by the emerging middle class as a status symbol for men.

Look at the daily posts on here from women who want to leave and are stuck in miserable marriages because they stayed at home and now have no financial independence.

I love being at home with the children so I’m thankful my DH earns enough to facilitate it. I’d be resentful and unhappy if I had to leave my children in nursery or childcare. My sister went back to work after six weeks as she was bored. Different people want different things. It’s a shame that two wages are generally needed nowadays to keep a home going.

For most working class families it was always necessary for the woman to work too. My Grandmothers both worked evenings weekends and nights when their children were at home because they needed two wages and that was the norm in both their communities. Let’s not pretend that it’s a modern thing.

My parents were self employed tenant farmers. My mum was back at work two weeks after having me in the late 70s. Therr was no choice.

The fantasy the OP longs for only applied to a small group of well paid middle class families for a short period after the war.

Most women in that situation I've known have been sad for a couple of weeks and then once back in work and in the routine they are glad to have hung on to their careers. Settling in nursery isn't always easy regardless of whether the child is 1 or 3.

What would make things better in my view is longer paid leave for fathers, and flexible working options.

I was raised by a SAHM who was miserable and resentful so I don't think it's some sort of utopia. Both DH and I cut our hours and use flexible options with a smattering of childcare use- works really well.

It is sad that some women and men have to return to work before they feel their child is ready for nursery or other child care.. Economics often dictate this "choice", and that is of course sad.

There is nothing wrong with parents working to support their children. It would be a better life for everyone if the cost of living weren’t so high, but parents aren’t forced to work because no one is forced to be a parent. It is a choice made when you already know the financial circumstances you’re in. SAHM is a luxury, not a necessity.

There was also a lot of very informal childcare and leaving quite young children on their own in previous generations.

It's an uncomfortable truth that property prices have been driven relentlessly upwards since the 1980s because middle class women entered the workplace en masses in the 1980s.