To feel sad some women are forced to go back to work

[JTT95]

I think it is messed up that these days a lot of women have to go back to work after maternity leave whether they like it or not. It seems like everyone is sending their babies to nursery at 1 or even earlier. I know that some women want to and are happy to go back but there are many women who are heartbroken to leave their babies so young. I wish it was like the olden days where a man’s wage was enough to suport the whole family.

How weird that supporting yourself and your children is seen as ‘optional’ by some.

As a single woman with no kids I long for the days when a single income could sustain an entire family too…

IME a lot of men depend on their wives’ second income and don’t want them home either.

Idk for me, part-time work is ideal but those positions are really hard to find, don’t pay well and you still need childcare anyway.

Just a series of choices and trade offs, really, which means nobody is particularly satisfied.

If women want to stay at home with their children that can be their choice as long as they can finance it within their own family. Just don't expect people who go out to work to finance it.

Exactly this - not all women (or men) want a career. Some people families would prefer to have a parent at home raising their child(ren) than use a nursery.

The sad fact is, costs have increased beyond wages and it’s almost impossible to afford for one person to not work these days. This is sad, and it’s a crying shame it’s no longer an option.

And, yes, I get that it is an option if people lived within their means, but reality is even single people are struggling to keep themselves afloat on one wage, let alone a family managing this.

What is good these days is that both parents have the option to flex their working hours and at least have some time at home with younger children. That’s a reasonable compromise I guess.

• edited for spelling/grammar

I was born in 1956 and my Mum returned to work when I was 6 months old. She worked full-time until she was 59.

There was no way they could have paid the rent, then mortgage, on my Dad's wage.

Men don’t appreciate being the breadwinner and being responsible for a whole house, they say they’re on board with having a wife who covers everything while they go out to work, but I’d say the amount who don’t get bitter that they’re out working while the wife stays at home doing everything else (in their eyes not much) and who don’t think ‘it’s my money’ is negligible. Sorry and it’s not just men, the person out working will only accept the situation for so long and will never see the advantages really (from a previous sahm). I’d also like to direct you to olden times when it was deemed ok to beat and rape wives, or throw them into an asylum saying they were crazy (as a possible perimenopausal woman the thought of this sends chills)

Had it ever been thus for most people. I had my DS in the 1990’s. Max of 6 months maternity leave and back to work. It wasn’t unusual. Lots of parents tag teamed as childcare options were very limited, and no government funding towards to cost. One working a day job the other a night shift for example. I knew a couple of nurses who did permanent nights and other mums who stacked supermarket shelves at night. I grew up in the 1960/1970s and most mums in our street worked. Pay for women was mostly dire, called pin money as no equal pay back then. It was the difference between being dirt poor and having things like new shoes when needed. Yes there were a few women who didn’t have to work if their husband had a highly paid job. Just like now.

Women have always worked. Only the upper class could afford to have the woman stay at home all day with nothing to do but focus on the baby. They would leave the kids with family members and work a domestic job, or go work on the farm.

I think the main differences to back then and now are that in the 80’s and 90’s many women worked but few sent their weeks/ months old babies to nursery. I went back to work in those times but DH and I managed the child care between us ( I worked nights and weekends). Lots of my friends either worked in a similar way or stayed at home with their children until school age. I can honestly say I never heard of a small baby going to a nursery though imagine it may have happened. Child minders were used sometimes. We had a mortgage and usual house expenses but went without holidays, new furniture etc until we both worked full time when children reached school age. A family member has just sent her three month old baby to full time nursery as, in her words, without her income they couldn’t afford the extension they want

Or maybe is women know they want to stay at home with their kids they make the decisions to be financially secure before they get pregnant so many women don't look at the finances of having kids before having them, then seem surprised that it's expensive

This.

You sound very judgemental, OP. Few people have it all in life.

I think that there should be more tax relief to allow stay at home parents for the early years, if that’s what families want to do.

The childcare subsidies are becoming very generous in terms of absolute financial value, and while the purpose of that is getting people back in work - some degree of that could instead be put towards parents staying at home in the early years.

A huge part of the low birth rate is IMO that working and having children is just incredibly hard and so people aren’t willing to do it / have lots of kids.

I say this is a (happily) working mother who went back very early for the sole purpose of maintaining and furthering her career.

Which olden days OP? My 93yr old grandmothers both worked as did their mothers. The only SAHMs in our family have been in my generation.

By ‘women’ do you mean ‘men and women’?

My mum was a SAHM through the 80s and 90s. We were most definitely not upper class!

Maybe these heartbroken women could plan their finances before having a baby so they don't have to work if they don't want to 🤷‍♀️

Totally a them problem imo.

Any thoughts on the replies so far OP?

Don't worry, OP. You'll get your wish if Reform get in next time. Wages won't improve but women's employment rights will go down the toilet.

Oh, the OP is probably crying into a baby’s bib or something, such is her ‘heartbreak’ at the need for everyone, male or female, to be able to support themselves and their children.

Another one post thread starter, I try to avoid these, but fell for this one..

As a taxpayer I'm more than happy to support childcare so that women can work. I'm not happy to finance tax breaks to enable women to stay at home. If they want to do that they should finance it themselves in my opinion.

Absolutely.

When i was nursery nursing back in the mid 90s i was looking after babies from 3 months. Going to work isn’t a new thing. The baby room was full and had a waiting list.

I mean at least most parents have a longer mat leave now.

But when was it ever an option for average working families? My mum worked. My grandma worked. My great Grandma worked. When was this magical time when all the women were SAHPs?