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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend using my credit card.

244 replies

BePunnyDuck · 13/09/2025 22:50

So I owe my friend a significant sum of money- £1300 or there abouts.

I have had a really really tight month. I’m a single parent, DD has been sick the past 2 weeks and as I am self employed I have had zero income as I have been off looking after her.

Friend messaged me yesterday to ask if it was possible if I could send her £100. I only had £80 left in my account, so I told her I would send her the money the next day as my ex was due to send me money for DD, which he didn't until this evening. I had every intention of sending the money when I got his money.

I went shopping today- only for my card to decline. I checked my online banking and my friend has used my card details and paid her phone bill with my money, meaning I couldn’t get shopping. Luckily- my Dad bailed us out.

I asked her about it and her reply was “you said you were sending me money, I had your bank details (from when we booked a holiday together a few months ago) so I used them to pay my phone bill”

AIBU to think this is wrong? I wasn’t avoiding paying her the money, it’s the fact she’s used my card without my permission…

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 13/09/2025 22:52

Cancel the card and get a new one. And pay your friend back asap.

BMW6 · 13/09/2025 22:54

How long have you been owing her this money?
What was your agreed arrangement for repayment?

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 22:55

What are your plans for repaying her the 1200 that you owe her?

TheDandyLion · 13/09/2025 22:55

Id report the transaction as fraud.

TessoftheBurgervan · 13/09/2025 22:55

I’m pretty sure your friend has committed a crime. Really stupid of her to do that.

That aside, cancel the card and do your best to get your friend paid back as soon as possible

verycloakanddaggers · 13/09/2025 22:55

I don't understand how they were able to use your details in this way.

Their actions are very serious.

What are the terms of your loan? Is there any written agreement?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/09/2025 22:57

Never borrow money from a friend girl

I suspect people would have been egging her on to use your card. I picture an 'influencer' telling their 'storytime' 🤢

Cancel the credit card. And figure a way to pay her back

Can you ask your parents for support here? If you are struggling this much, maybe they can help put you right? xx

workshy46 · 13/09/2025 22:57

Yea not ideal but I absolutely wouldn’t report her .. she’s been a great friend lending you that amount of money and if you couldn’t transfer the money in time you should have let her know. Say nothing and come up with a plan to pay her back asap.

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 22:58

How could this even happen?

If I logged in and paid a bill using a completely different device, it'd ask for a one time passcode that would be sent to my phone.

And even if it didn't, I'd get an immediate notification.

Does yours not work that way?

BMW6 · 13/09/2025 22:59

TheDandyLion · 13/09/2025 22:55

Id report the transaction as fraud.

Hmm.........OP's bank would surely be aghast that OP has let her friend know her card details......

I'm also wondering why your friend kept a note of your card details OP........have you perhaps borrowed from her before and been lax about repaying? (Wondering if she kept the details as a kind of insurance....)

Round3HereWeGo · 13/09/2025 22:59

Obviously using you card is wrong and illegal.

How long ago did you borrow the money?

Did you communicate that your ex still hasn't transfered the money?

Just wonder if this is the final straw and she is now acting irrationally/foolishly after a lot of frustration. Still wrong but makes more sense

Pippa12 · 13/09/2025 23:05

Which bank are you with that doesn’t use OTP? I can’t buy a bloody lettuce with my own card without jumping through flipping hoops!

Your friend was in the wrong. Did you communicate with her about the (albeit short) delay in transferring her the money?

Have you been avoidant in paying her back or discussing a payment plan?

It’s pretty drastic action of seemingly a good friend who you holiday with and will lend you large sums of cash,

Shortdaysalready · 13/09/2025 23:05

I would class that as your friend stealing from you OP.
I agree with pp that you need to cancel your card.
Have you tried to get advice about your financial situation? Perhaps Citizen's Advice might be able to help you or put you in touch with organisations dedicated to help people in debt.

Original poster
BePunnyDuck · 13/09/2025 23:06

Sorry I should have perhaps been more clear re terms of the loan.

Original amount was 2k. She lent me the money so I could start my own business- this was 6 months ago. Agreement was I would pay her back £100 per month. No written agreement of sorts. I have over paid her twice.

I have never let her down. I may of been a day or two late paying but always called and explained. I explained my ex hadn’t sent money and got no reply.

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 13/09/2025 23:09

Why are you using the money your ex sends for your child to pay your business loan?

Round3HereWeGo · 13/09/2025 23:10

How many times have you been a day or two late paying? (Even with an explanation?)

More than once in only six months is unreasonable. Overpaying on two occasions doesn't make any difference to the late occasions if you need that 100 on that date.

CaffeineAndChords · 13/09/2025 23:13

I mean, no this isn’t ok and your friend has committed a crime here however I can imagine she’s fed up of not being paid back so thought she’d take it upon herself to help herself to your card.

AdoraBell · 13/09/2025 23:14

WTF? Tell your bank your card was lost the card and recognised the payment.

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 23:17

Do you not have 2 factor authentication set up for your credit card? I thought this would be mandatory now to prevent fraud.

pinkdelight · 13/09/2025 23:18

Her using you credit card is quite extreme and yet her lending you 2k is quite extreme, so I don’t feel like you’re in much of a position to complain. You took 2k of her money and have been late and unreliable in repaying it. This time when you didn’t pay as promised - breaking the agreement - she crossed a line herself. I wouldn’t go overboard about it. Cancel your card so it won’t happen again, but also always pay when you said you will, and then it definitely won’t happen again. And don’t borrow from friends in future. It fucks things up.

KnickerlessParsons · 13/09/2025 23:21

How did your friend know your credit card details?
Pay her on time next month and pay it all back as soon as possible.
And never borrow from friends or family again.
If you had a viable business plan the bank would have lent you money but they would expect on time payments too

Laura95167 · 13/09/2025 23:22

She stole for you. Self help isnt Ok. Cancel the card immediately.

That said, what arrangements were made re:£1300 and repayment. Because if your card declined with the shopping, im not following how if she hadnt taken it youd have afforded the shop and to repay her?

I think you need clear this debt asap or soon you wont have a friendship to save

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 23:23

@KnickerlessParsons
The op gave her the card details when they were booking a holiday.

MousseMousse · 13/09/2025 23:28

You might owe her money, but that was theft.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/09/2025 23:29

Your friend has crossed a line here and committed a crime.

Decide how you wish to proceed.

Get the card cancelled and decide whether to report her or not. Regardless of whether you do or not, keep paying her back that loan to get that cleared, so you owe her nothing.

It was NOT ok of her to do that even though you owe her money. Leaving you with a declined card for a food shop is out of order, given you've kept up with all of the payments to her.

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