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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend using my credit card.

244 replies

BePunnyDuck · 13/09/2025 22:50

So I owe my friend a significant sum of money- £1300 or there abouts.

I have had a really really tight month. I’m a single parent, DD has been sick the past 2 weeks and as I am self employed I have had zero income as I have been off looking after her.

Friend messaged me yesterday to ask if it was possible if I could send her £100. I only had £80 left in my account, so I told her I would send her the money the next day as my ex was due to send me money for DD, which he didn't until this evening. I had every intention of sending the money when I got his money.

I went shopping today- only for my card to decline. I checked my online banking and my friend has used my card details and paid her phone bill with my money, meaning I couldn’t get shopping. Luckily- my Dad bailed us out.

I asked her about it and her reply was “you said you were sending me money, I had your bank details (from when we booked a holiday together a few months ago) so I used them to pay my phone bill”

AIBU to think this is wrong? I wasn’t avoiding paying her the money, it’s the fact she’s used my card without my permission…

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 14/09/2025 04:30

OP you and your friend both need to strengthen your financial skills, and fast.

You are both at risk for different reasons. Skill up, especially if you want your business to be successful, there are free online courses.

LoyalMember · 14/09/2025 05:00

Even if you do owe here money, a significant amount, in actual fact, it's completely wrong, and illegal, for her to commit fraud in order to pay a bill. What if you needed something really vital like a prescription or something? Change your card, quickly, and start paying her back the 1300 quid.

verycloakanddaggers · 14/09/2025 05:05

LoveWine123 · 13/09/2025 23:09

Why are you using the money your ex sends for your child to pay your business loan?

This is none of your business, but obviously a business loan is used to establish or support a business, a business generates income, income benefits the children.

WhatDaHell · 14/09/2025 06:30

Make sure you cancel the card, but also make sure your bank removes the details from any connected devices. Because they can still use the card if they have it set up in a wallet somewhere

SunnyD4ys · 14/09/2025 06:31

Where is everyone getting that a credit card was used?

The OP says card, when I use my debit card online I hardly ever have to go through 2FA and that's with a major high street bank.

I'm more surprised that people pay their home bill monthly, I didnt know you could do that, off topic but I assume that would be more expensive than a monthly deal.

SunnyD4ys · 14/09/2025 06:37

Harryalm · 14/09/2025 01:52

So she kept all your details including the authorization number for a few months? How interesting...

Also it's not her problem your ex hadn't paid. Why didn't you ask your dad to lend you the £100 and pay him back rather than be late with a friend?

Interesting in what way? I have a number of friends bank account details on message chains. I'm guessing thats how most people give their info to friends when sorting out paying for joint things. Unless you write them on a piece of paper or dicate them for someone else to write down and the paper is destroyed isnt it quite normal to still have access to the information?

Zonder · 14/09/2025 06:51

So basically you have a payment plan with her to send £100 a month and were a day late? Not great but not the end of the world.

She then fraudulently uses your bank details to spend more than the agreed monthly amount? I think that's a police matter.

TimeForATerf · 14/09/2025 06:57

How has she used your card details, it doesn’t make sense. My stored card details only show the bank and the last four digits. I then get a text or have to Face ID to approve the payment.

why do you think you can pay her back late.

CandidLurker · 14/09/2025 06:57

Don’t report her. Just cancel the card, say you can’t find it. It could be in the house but you aren’t sure. Pay your friend back on time every month. This debt should be your financial priority. Don’t mix friendship with money in future.

Tartantotty · 14/09/2025 06:59

Your friend was generous to lend you a large amount of money. I can totally understand why she was driven to use your card, since you have not attempted to repay the debt and her kindness.

Get your act together and start to pay her back, but cancel your card.

Stick to the adage: Never a lender or a borrower be......

Owly11 · 14/09/2025 07:01

Yes it’s fraud. But for goodness sake take out a loan and pay her back.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 14/09/2025 07:01

WaterfallSounds · 14/09/2025 00:18

@Heretone
She hasn’t come back to explain how her friend bypassed the card security systems.
As a pp says she can’t buy a lettuce without having to approve it.

Depends on the bank. I only get authentications for new or strange purchases. If the friend had used the card before on a website OP uses, then the bank may not flag the transaction as strange.

I don’t have notifications for every purchase as that would be annoying.

mammajulie · 14/09/2025 07:11

I really think you need to get yourself a proper job. You’re borrowing money you can’t pay back on time and living off your credit card. Your poor kid!

justnottinghill · 14/09/2025 07:13

pinkdelight · 13/09/2025 23:18

Her using you credit card is quite extreme and yet her lending you 2k is quite extreme, so I don’t feel like you’re in much of a position to complain. You took 2k of her money and have been late and unreliable in repaying it. This time when you didn’t pay as promised - breaking the agreement - she crossed a line herself. I wouldn’t go overboard about it. Cancel your card so it won’t happen again, but also always pay when you said you will, and then it definitely won’t happen again. And don’t borrow from friends in future. It fucks things up.

One of them committed fraud and one of them is OP. They’re not the same ffs.

KimberleyClark · 14/09/2025 07:16

How on earth did she have your credit card details?

McSpoot · 14/09/2025 07:17

SunnyD4ys · 14/09/2025 06:31

Where is everyone getting that a credit card was used?

The OP says card, when I use my debit card online I hardly ever have to go through 2FA and that's with a major high street bank.

I'm more surprised that people pay their home bill monthly, I didnt know you could do that, off topic but I assume that would be more expensive than a monthly deal.

Because the title says a credit card was used.

NeelyOHara · 14/09/2025 07:19

Maybe her phone would’ve been cut off and she needs it for her life? You seem to be flaky and non- apologetic over paying her back.
Having a friend owe you money when you have none is horrible, and really really stressful.

Greyhound98 · 14/09/2025 07:24

I feel a bit sorry for the friend. But if you told her you’d pay her and she was reliant on that money to pay her phone bill and you let her down, again. That means her bill would be paid late, adversely affecting her credit.
I presume you couldn’t get a loan/ overdraft to start your business and that’s why your friend helped you. She should have drawn up a repayment agreement but likely thought you were reliable. It’s very stressful relying on people for money and they are not reliable.
Cancel your card, pay the friend back asap.

RobinTheCavewoman · 14/09/2025 07:27

2k is a lot of money but not a lot to start a business. Is it a MLM business and is your friend involved too (i.e. above you in the pyramid)?

Lifejigsaw · 14/09/2025 07:27

NOT ALL CARDS AND BANKS ARE LIKE YOURS PEOPLE.

just because you have TFA or OTOs set up for every transaction doesn’t mean it’s impossible not to. I only have to verify for large or unusual (international) payments when buying on line. It’s not that strange

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/09/2025 07:30

Cant you borrow the rest if what you owe and pay her back? Shes obviously at her wits ehds and wants her money back.

Justgorgeous · 14/09/2025 07:32

OP, sorry to hear. It’s tough being self-employed. Pay her back as soon as you can, can you borrow the money from your dad and then pay him back ? I lent a friend £500 once and when I asked for it back a year later when I knew she was financially alright, she put the money in and never spoke to me again.

KimberleyClark · 14/09/2025 07:36

I am really confused now. Did the friend have OP’s bank details or credit card details? If you have someone’s bank details you still can’t go into their bank account and transfer money to yourself. All you can do is transfer money to their account.

babyproblems · 14/09/2025 07:37

BePunnyDuck · 13/09/2025 23:06

Sorry I should have perhaps been more clear re terms of the loan.

Original amount was 2k. She lent me the money so I could start my own business- this was 6 months ago. Agreement was I would pay her back £100 per month. No written agreement of sorts. I have over paid her twice.

I have never let her down. I may of been a day or two late paying but always called and explained. I explained my ex hadn’t sent money and got no reply.

This is madness.
You should’ve used a credit card or a bank, not a friend!

However - she’s committed a crime. A very stupid thing to have done..
I would report it as fraud and cancel your credit card. Get a new one.
borrow the money from the bank (or family if you really must) to pay back your friend asap.

Dont borrow money or lend money to friends ever again! And do not give this untrustworthy friend your card details ever again.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 14/09/2025 07:37

You shouldn't have shared your banking details with buyer friend

Your friend shouldn't have used your bank details (fraud/theft)

Cancel your card
NEVER share your bank details with anyone in the future
Work out a repayment plan for the money you owe your friend
Never borrow from a friend again - it always leads to probelms

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