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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend using my credit card.

244 replies

BePunnyDuck · 13/09/2025 22:50

So I owe my friend a significant sum of money- £1300 or there abouts.

I have had a really really tight month. I’m a single parent, DD has been sick the past 2 weeks and as I am self employed I have had zero income as I have been off looking after her.

Friend messaged me yesterday to ask if it was possible if I could send her £100. I only had £80 left in my account, so I told her I would send her the money the next day as my ex was due to send me money for DD, which he didn't until this evening. I had every intention of sending the money when I got his money.

I went shopping today- only for my card to decline. I checked my online banking and my friend has used my card details and paid her phone bill with my money, meaning I couldn’t get shopping. Luckily- my Dad bailed us out.

I asked her about it and her reply was “you said you were sending me money, I had your bank details (from when we booked a holiday together a few months ago) so I used them to pay my phone bill”

AIBU to think this is wrong? I wasn’t avoiding paying her the money, it’s the fact she’s used my card without my permission…

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/09/2025 23:31

NoahDia · 13/09/2025 22:58

How could this even happen?

If I logged in and paid a bill using a completely different device, it'd ask for a one time passcode that would be sent to my phone.

And even if it didn't, I'd get an immediate notification.

Does yours not work that way?

I was wondering the same

gamerchick · 13/09/2025 23:33

You're not in a position to start your own business OP. You're robbing Peter to pay Paul. You need another plan

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 23:35

Is there any credit card company that doesn’t use MFA these days?

justasking111 · 13/09/2025 23:39

I get text message codes now to confirm most of the time. But not always.

Sunbeam01 · 13/09/2025 23:39

I'm sorry OP but it's really not ok to be late with payments to your friend.

You need to prioritise that, every month without fail. Sickness etc should have been a key consideration when taking the loan.

On that basis, I'd let the fact your friend used your card go (although I'd be fuming for a few days). There is a cost of living crisis and your friend shouldn't have been placed in this position with a potential late payment being placed on her credit file.

Cancel your card. Fresh start.

I hope your DC is better. Life is tough sometimes. Sounds like you are working hard to build a better future - good for you! Onwards and upwards!

JJZ · 13/09/2025 23:40

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 22:55

What are your plans for repaying her the 1200 that you owe her?

Oh of course, just bypass the fact her friend has just committed fraud and stolen from her.

JJZ · 13/09/2025 23:42

I would cancel the card immediately, but not report her. I would continue paying her back at £100 a month, but I would widely distance myself from her. She’s not to be trusted.

Whateverwillwedonow · 13/09/2025 23:43

Report the transaction. I don’t understand how she could have done it though?

Your late payment is shit but if she can’t pay her phone bill without that £100 she’s a bit silly and absolutely shouldn’t have helped herself.

whitewineandsun · 13/09/2025 23:44

CaffeineAndChords · 13/09/2025 23:13

I mean, no this isn’t ok and your friend has committed a crime here however I can imagine she’s fed up of not being paid back so thought she’d take it upon herself to help herself to your card.

This tbh. You owed her money and didn't pay when you said you would. She had bills to pay. Were you going to keep not paying her? I get where she's coming from, although I wouldn't have done what she did. You owe her a lot of money.

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 23:46

@JJZ
Just waiting for the op to explain how her friend managed to bypass the card security systems - like the 2 factor authentication.

HalzTangz · 13/09/2025 23:47

I think your friend was wrong to do this, however, you told her you'd pay in the morning, when you realised your ex hadn't paid in the morning did you update her, or did you expect her to be telepathic. £1300 is a lot to owe a friend. Work out a realistic payment plan and pay it back

Moveoverdarlin · 13/09/2025 23:48

JJZ · 13/09/2025 23:40

Oh of course, just bypass the fact her friend has just committed fraud and stolen from her.

Show quote history

Yeah just bypass it because she doesn’t have a leg to stand on!! Both OP and the friend sound totally skint and desperate. The friend can’t pay her phone bill, the OP can’t pay for literally anything without the help of said friend or the ex. OP didn’t send the friend the money she agreed so the mate took it in to her own hands.

Whilst it’s not right, I’d keep your head down OP and pay her back ASAP.

The friend will always have the upper hand in this situation because the OP is in debt to the tune of £1,200. That is a hell of a lot of money to loan a friend in this current climate.

WaterfallSounds · 13/09/2025 23:49

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pizzaHeart · 13/09/2025 23:54

It was wrong what she did but I wouldn’t report her at this stage. I would report card as lost and notify her about that AFTER reporting.
And keep paying money back. Is there a way to speed it up?

lifeonmars100 · 13/09/2025 23:58

How come she has all your card details? why did you give them to her?

Cantbleedingcope · 13/09/2025 23:59

If keeping up payments agreed casually then I agree your friend has BU.

However OP - I will throw this in here. I have been the lender to a very close friend and whilst I was ok financially when I made the loan, months later I really needed it back and friend was unwilling to pay it back as quickly as I needed it. Took me months to get it back - for reference £800.

Perhaps also have a chat with friend as to whether the repayment agreement needs to be revised and whether there is anyone else who can help you out

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 14/09/2025 00:02

Obviously wrong but why are holidays a financial priority when you’re in the position of £80 in the bank.

Glitterybee · 14/09/2025 00:04

You are both being unreasonable

The whole situation sounds like a shit show from both sides

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 14/09/2025 00:09

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 14/09/2025 00:02

Obviously wrong but why are holidays a financial priority when you’re in the position of £80 in the bank.

I was just going to ask the same thing.

That and why is money the ex sends for the OPs DD being used to pay off this debt.

Heretone · 14/09/2025 00:11

Why is everyone having a go at OP?

She’s explained that she’s started a business and her friend has lent her £2000 to start-up with an agreement to repay £100 per month. She’s overpaid some months and been a few days late sometimes but she’s paid every month. It’s her friend, she knows OP has started a business and money is tight because she has loaned her money.

Her friend has been sly and stolen from her. She’s treated OP badly and withdrawn money directly from her bank account without her permission. Loan or not, that’s theft.

Sorry this has happened to you OP. It’s an awkward position to be in because your friend was generous enough to lend you money and supported your business but has now gone and done something under hand.

LoyalOpalAnt · 14/09/2025 00:16

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FlowerUser · 14/09/2025 00:18

Have I got this right? The OP was paying back at £100 per month on a loan taken out 6 months ago.

Sonshe should have repaid £600/£700 by now.

And the balance is £1300 or thereabouts, so maybe she's behind/late by one payment but she's probably up to date.

In any case her friend has stolen money from her by committing fraud. This is a serious crime and the police would still charge the friend, even if she said she was owed money by the OP.

I would report the fraudulent use to the bank and the police and ask the bank to repay the money.

If I could repay the loan immediately, I would, but otherwise continue to repay at £100 a month but I would make damn sure I was never late again.

And I would never speak to the friend again. She is not the OP's friend.

WaterfallSounds · 14/09/2025 00:18

@Heretone
She hasn’t come back to explain how her friend bypassed the card security systems.
As a pp says she can’t buy a lettuce without having to approve it.

ohnonowwhat1 · 14/09/2025 00:24

WaterfallSounds · 14/09/2025 00:18

@Heretone
She hasn’t come back to explain how her friend bypassed the card security systems.
As a pp says she can’t buy a lettuce without having to approve it.

i also get a notification on my phone when any payment leaves my account too, not sure if that’s standard though

Manxexile · 14/09/2025 00:34

@FlowerUser - "... I would report the fraudulent use to the bank and the police and ask the bank to repay the money..."

I agree that the OP's friend has committed a criminal offence, but why would the bank be liable?

The OP has admitted giving her friend her card deails (presumably including the three digit security number) which will be a breach of the OP's credit card agreement and the bank will say that because of that breach by the OP, it's not the bank's problem

If it's my bank I certainly don't want them baling out people who behave this negligently stupidly