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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

536 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 13/09/2025 18:54

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

OP posts:
2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:57

I’m guessing they’re very much like this at home during holidays and weekends and you hoped they’d undergo a transformation on holiday?

Unfortunately they have just stayed the same

2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:58

Quite early in school year to be off on hols at these ages Op! 😆

2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:59

When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel.

oh don’t be a bloomin martyr op

Balloonhearts · 13/09/2025 19:00

Let them! If they aren't ready, you and youngest go without them. If they don't want to swim, leave them on the loungers. If they stay behind, don't cook for them when you get back, tell them they're big enough to fend for themselves.

Hiptothisjive · 13/09/2025 19:02

It’s this weird thing when you fly oversees through many time zones that can mess with your internal clock…..what’s that? Oh yeah jet lag.

Worse when you come back though. Better prepare them now so they don’t miss any more school in GCSE and A level year.

doubleornothing · 13/09/2025 19:03

Did they actually want to go on this holiday? Just do your own thing theyre old enough to get on with it and if they see that youre enjoying yourself they might see what theyre missing.

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/09/2025 19:03

I pointed out those lounger + phone kids to DS10 on holiday this year. Literally hours and hours under a brolly doom scrolling. I let him know that if he ever does that, it's our last holiday. What a waste of money.

Needmorelego · 13/09/2025 19:04

Do what you want to do and leave them alone.
Take this opportunity to only do things you want to do.

Wellretired · 13/09/2025 19:04

Balloonhearts · 13/09/2025 19:00

Let them! If they aren't ready, you and youngest go without them. If they don't want to swim, leave them on the loungers. If they stay behind, don't cook for them when you get back, tell them they're big enough to fend for themselves.

This! And do some things you want to do...and refuse to worry about it ....be clear about what you are going to do and what time you are leavng and stick to it... also is it possible to stop them from disturbng you at nght? Are you sleeping in the same rom, or is it noise?

Vaguelyclassical · 13/09/2025 19:05

Why Florida? The older teens are obviously far too old for Disney and it's a rather flat state with some everglades full of nasty biting things; there are also rather a lot of people in unbecoming red baseball caps. Great beaches, but you didn't need to come to the States for those. (Or to swim in a hotel pool.) You might have done better with a buzzy, interesting city in the US. Or a buzzy interesting city in Europe at a third of the cost. Sorry if I sound snarky, but I'm genuinely interested in the logic here. (But I do sympathize with you--I grew up in genteel poverty and I'd have been down on my knees in gratitude if my own parents took me out of the country!)

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 13/09/2025 19:05

Never take them on holiday again. Do they realise how expensive this trip is?

Divebar2021 · 13/09/2025 19:06

Im absolutely confident that this is not new behaviour. Stop being such a walkover - tell them what time to be ready in the morning and then go at that time. I’m guessing the 13 year old will be ready and other 2 will manage being left alone.

JetFlight · 13/09/2025 19:06

It’s the phones op. So many kids are like this now. You could take the phones off them but I’m not sure how far you’d get.
how about sitting down and having a conversation about making the most of the last few days and how you could all make the most of it. Get ideas from them.
when we went to Florida with teens, we had our phones with us on hikes to see who could get the best pic of wildlife and alligators.
This will be controversial for some but I still take my 17 yr olds phone off them on a daily basis because they can’t get off it.

DeathStare · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'd leave them to it. Tell them each evening what the plan for the following day is including what time you will be setting off. Tell them they are welcome to leave with you, make their own way to meet up with you later, or stay in the room - but if they're not with you they're responsible for their own food.

Then go and enjoy yourself

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 13/09/2025 19:07

I would have snapped at this point and taken the phones.

DuesToTheDirt · 13/09/2025 19:10

Is it only the older two who get up late, and the younger one who is upset about it? If so, I'd set a deadline for leaving and if the older ones aren't ready I'd just take the younger one out without them and leave the others behind on their phones. It's trickier if the younger one is also late.

Are the activities already paid for? If so then I'd be tempted to make non-participants pay for themselves out of whatever allowance they get.

Oh, and I wouldn't take the older ones away again. I wouldn't pay good money for them to stay in bed on their phones, they can do that at home for free.

youalright · 13/09/2025 19:11

DeathStare · 13/09/2025 19:06

I'd leave them to it. Tell them each evening what the plan for the following day is including what time you will be setting off. Tell them they are welcome to leave with you, make their own way to meet up with you later, or stay in the room - but if they're not with you they're responsible for their own food.

Then go and enjoy yourself

Exactly this don't ruin your youngest son and your time.

hopspot · 13/09/2025 19:12

Are they missing school to be there?

IdaGlossop · 13/09/2025 19:14

How have they behaved in previous holidays? You sound very indulgent of them and lacking in authority. You're the parent! Why aren't you taking their phones away, shoving them into the pool, leaving them to sort their own food out, and making it clear what consequences there will be when you get home if they don't buck their ideas up? Have you agreed with them the evening before what you will do together the following day? Given them options eg an expectation that they spend half the day on family things and half the day with the two oldest doing what they want? What leverage do you have over them as far as money is concerned?

For typo

JMary2021 · 13/09/2025 19:18

I'm here to say I know exactly how you feel.
i was the judgey parent years ago 'my kids will learn to be grateful', 'my kids won't sit on their phones, lay in bed all day..'
We did everything right, we set all the boundaries. Now they are exactly as you describe. It's a nightmare and causes so many arguments. They are 14 and 17. It happened about a year ago. Holidays just got a bit crap. They are girls so we have hours of getting ready and then making us late drives me insane as well. Also we have a very enthusiastic 6 year old who wants to be up early and having ALL the fun!

The key with teenagers is to lower your expectations with everything. Always ask them to come, always give them a little push. However just do what you want to and have fun. They'll regret it when they are older.
Next time choose a cheaper holiday so you feel less resentment. Model the behaviour you want to see. Remember their brains are still developing, they won't be ungrateful arseholes forever!

They'll look back in years to come and realise how lucky they were and what a wasted opportunity it was.

If you're still there now, call a family meeting. Tell them you really want to make the most of the holiday (without shaming them) and ask them what experiences they want to get out of the holiday, get them to commit to which days they will do them with you. Then just lay off them and let them be lazy teenagers. It's your holiday too!

Good luck

GoodOldTrayBake · 13/09/2025 19:27

YABU simply by going to Florida. You may as well have taken them to Iran.

Gallopingfanjo · 13/09/2025 19:30

Have you never heard of screen time?

Honestly, this isn’t new so leave them to it.

AxolotlEars · 13/09/2025 19:34

I would tell them, the night before, my plans. I would include my plans for food. Then I'd get up with the youngest and off we'd go. We'd get back and then say we were done for the day. If they asked about food I'd reiterate that I had told them the plan and/or bring them a pizza. I wouldn't make a fuss about it. Then I'd go on repeat. I may ask them if there's anything they'd like to do and make a plan together. If they didn't want to participate the next day I'd go anyway or do what myself and the youngest wanted to do. Don't have a disappointing holiday waiting around for others even if they are your kids!

GreenCat12 · 13/09/2025 19:35

Teenagers need more downtime and more sleep - have you taken that into account with plenty of chill time and lie ins for them? What's the schedule like?

When planning holidays for a family, it's tricky to get the balance right to suit everyone. I'm sure the holiday you planned would be amazing for me and anyone other than an ungrateful teenager.

Teenagers are a pain in the arse. They just are! And it doesn't matter how superior you think your parenting is, they just want their bed and their phone.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 13/09/2025 19:45

I totally empathise - you are not alone in thinking that teenagers will change based on location/amount of money spent.

Visited family in California last year and initially teenagers got up at 07:00 but think it was the time zone confusion.

They then resorted back to type staying in bed but posted on Instagram how brilliant it was in California. Hmm