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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

536 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 13/09/2025 18:54

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

OP posts:
MrsOverthinker25 · 13/09/2025 22:44

MyElatedUmberFinch · 13/09/2025 22:19

I have arranged a day out with my American friend the week after next at one of the parks and I’m mid 50’s and she’s in her 60’s.

I love that! Have the best time 🤍🏰

ChelseaDetective · 13/09/2025 22:45

citygirl77 · 13/09/2025 19:55

My friend took her two teenage girls on an expensive two week holiday to Mauritius. She said they moped and looked at their phones all day. They were miserable. No sooner had they got home they rushed out - she passed them in her car, sitting on the wall outside The CoOp smiling and laughing with friends. That was the happiest they had been since the beginning of the holiday. She learnt a valuable lesson that day.

I don’t know why but I find that strangely touching.

Lilactimes · 13/09/2025 22:46

I took a 17 and 19 yo to Florida last year. We did 2 days in Universal then went to the beaches Gulf of Mexico side - they were stunning. They loved them and eating out down by the beach and just chilling.

Anon501178 · 13/09/2025 22:50

2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:57

I’m guessing they’re very much like this at home during holidays and weekends and you hoped they’d undergo a transformation on holiday?

Unfortunately they have just stayed the same

This.Sounds like they are used to just thinking about themselves and being allowed to do whatever whenever.
You would've probably been best to discuss phone usage rules before the holiday.They sound quite addicted.
I would be livid that they were being so ungrateful though and would be telling them it would be our last holiday together until they changed their attitude, as i was not paying out for them again.

Holidaytimeyay · 13/09/2025 22:52

I think that you need to let them do their own thing. Did they have a choice whether to go to Florida? We went a little while ago with similar aged teens but they had a choice whether to come or not. One chose to stay at home. We all had a fantastic time but if someone was tired, they could leave the parks (Universal and Disney) and go back to the hotel. Two DC’s didn’t want to swim but I swam with the other DC, everyone had a great time. I think Florida is amazing for teens, mine particularly enjoyed the Star Wars, Harry Potter and Avatar bits of the parks, it’s not just for small kids.
This year a different DC chose to stay at home as they knew that they would get bored on the holiday we had planned. One of the teens who came, very much did their own thing, but did join the rest of us for evening meals: I think giving everyone choice over what they do and space is key to having a great holiday.

5128gap · 13/09/2025 22:52

RoseAlone · 13/09/2025 22:17

Noone in their right mind goes to the parks at opening time no matter how early they're up. That would be downright stupid.

I've not been for 15 years, but with the extra magic hours it was an excellent call back then.

Tdcp · 13/09/2025 22:55

"We're leaving at 9, be ready to go or we're going without you"

At their ages they are able to do themselves food.

Don't make the youngest suffer because the older ones are being twits.

FunnysInLaJardin · 13/09/2025 22:59

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/09/2025 19:03

I pointed out those lounger + phone kids to DS10 on holiday this year. Literally hours and hours under a brolly doom scrolling. I let him know that if he ever does that, it's our last holiday. What a waste of money.

good luck with that

DeathStare · 13/09/2025 23:01

Mademetoxic · 13/09/2025 21:27

Because it's the start of term, and they have had a whole 6 weeks off school.
I hope they get fined, heavily.

It is disruptive to the staff and other pupils when individuals are off school. It's selfish.

You don't even know that they live in the UK. it may well be school holidays if they live elsewhere.

If in the UK the oldest two may well not be in education at all but in employment, apprenticeship or about to start university.

Any or all of them could be home educated.

Many Scottish schools have a couple of days holiday in Mid-September as do some private schools. So if theyve gone for a week it could well be that there's one child missing three days school.

This is such an odd thing for complete strangers to get worked up about - it has no bearing on the actual question, and the idea that the kids are missing education is purely conjecture.

Even if they are missing education there are many contexts where that might be perfectly reasonable. Plus it really isn't anyone else's business.

AliceMaforethought · 13/09/2025 23:01

hopspot · 13/09/2025 21:10

Missing the start of the Autumn term is hugely disruptive to a child. They return and everyone else is settled with friendship groups and routines established. It’s the worst time of the year to be taken out for a holiday.

I wish we still had the laugh react, as your post is risible. What hyperbolic nonsense.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 13/09/2025 23:02

I think I would calmly talk to them about how upsetting it is to have spent all this money on a holiday because you thought they’d be excited about it, but they don’t seem to be making the most of it.
Try and come to a decision together as a group about what time everyone gets up for the day and what time you leave the hotel to start activities. Maybe agree on a limit on time on phones before you get going for the day so that phones don’t distract them from getting up and out for the day. Said as a mum of similar aged teens, so I’m familiar with the lure of the phones.

hopspot · 13/09/2025 23:03

@AliceMaforethought
How lovely of you to laugh at me. My post speaks from experience.

greengagesummers · 13/09/2025 23:07

I’m torn on this as yes it’s very annoying for your teens to do this on holiday, but I also think it’s meant to be their holiday too, and it’s a really difficult stage of life. Are they girls/boys/do they have any body or self esteem worries? Imagine being on your period or very self conscious about yourself as a teen and the expectation to be in the pool, plus all sorts of other things you can’t quite articulate to yourself.

I remember being taken to nice bits of France at that age; and I wanted to enjoy it — I also had an image in my head of having nice holiday — but in reality I was hormonal and hot and had my period, so I wanted to swim but I also didn’t want to wear a swimming costume in front of other people. I tried using tampons so I could swim, but couldn’t get on with them and that made me feel wretched too, as I felt there must be something wrong with me. I had an idea that a great holiday ought to involve being Beach Ready and Meeting A Boy and having a romantic time, but in reality I was shy and awkward with glasses and felt fat and frumpy (and hot). My younger siblings were having a great time time in the pool and eating pizza and ice cream, but I felt I shouldn’t be eating ice cream because I needed to lose weight and was furious at myself for having puppy fat, and so every time my parents offered ice creams, etc., I was snarly and rude. I was also tired all the time because I struggled to sleep and the camp beds were uncomfortable, so I really resented having to get up and go to see whatever Roman amphitheatre or chateau was on the sightseeing list that day. All this (and the heat) made me angry and sulky, upset with myself and rude to everyone else, because I was jealous of my siblings being carefree little kids, annoyed about my period spoiling things, and also jealous of the beautiful slightly older tanned French girls in the pool playing ball with the boys while pasty pale plump old me sulked furiously in a tent in my frumpy M&S shorts, reading PG Wodehouse and copies of Mizz.

Anyway, you get what I mean: you might be thinking why are these ungrateful little toerags so rude and lazy, but holidays are a minefield for teen anxieties and self esteem issues, and everyone else might be thinking “this is great, let’s see some sights!”, but your teens may be beset by all sorts of weird teenage preoccupations that we have forgotten but were actually quite awful to live through.

We usually do a “sightseeing” holiday, but when DD gets to that age I am completely planning to just do some kind of AI beach resort, where she can sulk in a hotel room all day on her phone, while I do no sightseeing at all and just eat and have massages and lie by the pool. Then it doesn’t matter whether she gets up at 2pm or not 😆

CantBreathe90 · 13/09/2025 23:11

Goodness, they sound utterly spoilt, sorry OP!!

Ditch them off, do your own thing, enjoy your holiday, don't pay to take them away again! Not sure what else you can do? But if you carry on letting them treat you like a doormat, that's what they'll do by the sounds of it.

Hope you manage to salvage the rest of the holiday for yourself x

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 13/09/2025 23:13

It's a holiday. Do your thing and let them chill.

Helcatamy · 13/09/2025 23:13

WatermelonWaveclub · 13/09/2025 18:54

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

Just saw this and wanted to say, my daughter was like this for our last 2-3 holidays. On one villa holiday she stayed in her room and only ventured out briefly as the sun was setting! This was several years ago when she was a teen. At first like you I tried to get her to join in but in the end I just let her get on with it, I would always invite her and encourage her to come along so she didn’t feel like I was leaving her out; but if she didn’t emerge then I left her to it and went about my day. Food wise it’s different in a villa as I prepped food and if she didn’t emerge for dinner she could sneak out in the night and fridge raid! If you have a fridge you could pop some bits in there and say if they don’t make it to dinner then help themselves to that. I will add that now she is 22 and she keeps bugging me to go back to those holiday places, says she regrets not making the most of them. It’s sad when they aren’t the excited kids anymore and instead are the awkward teens but it’s that transition phase, just try and enjoy the time with whoever will go with you on the day and if they choose not to, let them fester!!

Athreedoorwardrobe · 13/09/2025 23:18

The eldest two are old enough to take responsibility for themselves. You tell them what time to be ready and if they aren't ready just leave with the youngest. The eldest two are also old enough to sort their own food out also.
Don't be a slave to trying to make them have the holiday you think they should have. Just let them do whatever and you do what you and your youngest want to do.

ChaliceinWonderland · 13/09/2025 23:23

Your mistake spending 1000s on a hol shen through rather chill avec friends. They are too old for family hols.

Leave them to it. Lower your expectations
Af home don't you all do your own activities independently?
No way would j expect my 18 year old to hang out with me.

Also missing school.is.. not cool esp jn y11 l

FunBiscuit · 13/09/2025 23:26

TheGreatWesternShrew · 13/09/2025 22:36

How are they too old for Disney? I went at 21 with just my boyfriend and we had a blast.

Everyone loves Disney

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2025 23:28

I definitely wouldn’t be making food for the ones who’d refused to come when I got back.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2025 23:30

I also don’t think that making kids miss time in yr 12 and 13 (or is the second one the very oldest in yr 11 - which is also not a good time to miss!) is on.

Allthefruit · 13/09/2025 23:33

hopspot · 13/09/2025 21:10

Missing the start of the Autumn term is hugely disruptive to a child. They return and everyone else is settled with friendship groups and routines established. It’s the worst time of the year to be taken out for a holiday.

Intriguingly, my children's school is running a bit social media push about the importance of "100% attendance" at the start of term

But my son has a bad fracture and can't get up stairs and when we asked them to move classrooms around to accommodate him they said there was no need "as he won't be missing anything important right now".

Allthefruit · 13/09/2025 23:35

We discuss expectations in advance. My kids are busy and work hard in term time and juggle a lot of hobbies. So I want them to spend time relaxing too.
We agree a chunk of holiday for relaxing time and a chunk for doing stuff together

TheaBrandt1 · 13/09/2025 23:43

Mad to take them. Ours just want to “chill”
so we go to somewhere nice in Europe Dh and I go sightseeing and meet them by the pool. Long haul is a waste of money with this age. Let them earn the money and go with their mates then they appreciate it.

abracadabra1980 · 13/09/2025 23:46

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 13/09/2025 19:05

Never take them on holiday again. Do they realise how expensive this trip is?

Dear me. Take it you don't have teens. When, in the name of Jesus, did a teen appreciate how much a holiday cost? It's their ages; the older two are too old for Disney, and at that age, most of them hate sightseeing/will be messaging their love interests.

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