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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I am scared my husband will be beaten or worse

178 replies

Flightsandfeelings · 13/09/2025 17:38

I am married to a man who is brown and from Asia, he's been in UK 10 years and is a citizen. I am English and have always lived in the UK.
We are leaving where we live to move closer to my parents, which I am happy about for many reasons one being where we live right now is an incredibly hostile and racist place. One of the worst in all of the UK and has been for some time.
The area we are moving to is nice enough and we should be safe in our home l, which we aren't really now.

I am scared everyday when my husband goes out that he will be assaulted for being brown with an accent. I am also scared the same will be the case for when we move with the uptake in angry, mindless fake-news concerning people who look like him.

He is shouted at and people are aggressive already and we've both seen how it has gotten worse. Where we live people are burnt of their homes for not being white so my view of all this is coloured by that but not unfairly so.

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:14

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:04

It’s interesting isn’t it. We had to leave the area we had lived in for 20 odd years, pull our child out of his school because influx into the area by people (migrants) who refused to integrate who kept to their own communities, who fundamentally changed the area as services adapted to their cultures. I’ve watched local traditions wither and die as the incoming population refused to support them. I have had my son come home from school, fed up because the majority of kids would only mix in the eir own communities, I have seen his education suffer because some of his classes consisted nearly entirely of kids whose second language was not English.

We're you in fear for your life and property?

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:18

Readyforslippers · 13/09/2025 19:06

It was nowhere near 3 million judging by the videos, I think people just don't understand what that would look like and it sounds good. 100-150kish sounds more likely based on what I watched today.

Early on the Met estimated 110,000, it will likely have grown so your estimates are probably fairly spot on. To envisage this it’s like every man woman and child in cities like Exeter, Winchester or Gloucester all walking through the streets of London. It’s similar to the crowd about 2 concerts at London stadium or Wembley marching together down narrow streets. It’s a lot of people

Whateverwillwedonow · 13/09/2025 19:19

It feels like people are more openly racist now, huge groups of people find it acceptable to stereotype based on the colour of someone’s skin or where they are from. It’s terrifying.

madonninamia · 13/09/2025 19:19

@MyHeartyCoralSnail you seem to have argued against your first reply to me. Anyway I’m sorry it must be awful for you to have to live with such a lot of stress and anxiety. If it’s any consolation the police on the ground should be respected much more than they are. It’s the clueless idiots at the top that need to be sorted out. But that’s for another post…

Emori · 13/09/2025 19:21

You might be shocked, but most of the posts on here have been an attempt to bring back some balance.

Maybe, but posts like yours are not. You are denying there's a problem and batting concerns back with whatabouttery. Meanwhile over 100,000 fascists are marching through central London, UK citizens and residents are having their houses set on fire and being attacked in the street because of their skin colour. That isn't social media, it's actually happening. You should be worried, we all should be, not just OP, and regardless of our personal ethnicity or circumstance.

PinkyFlamingo · 13/09/2025 19:21

mushroomsoupandcoke · 13/09/2025 17:47

Typical white privilege, being unaware on what’s going on around them.

Ok as it's not been reported at all anywhere how are people meant to know it's going on then?

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:21

Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:14

We're you in fear for your life and property?

Yes, specifically my son’s life (shortly after we moved a child his age was murdered walking home from school). I no longer felt safe, a woman was raped near our house just before moving at 7am. Lots of heckling was happening - large groups of young men were hanging around which I found intimidating

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:23

Emori · 13/09/2025 19:21

You might be shocked, but most of the posts on here have been an attempt to bring back some balance.

Maybe, but posts like yours are not. You are denying there's a problem and batting concerns back with whatabouttery. Meanwhile over 100,000 fascists are marching through central London, UK citizens and residents are having their houses set on fire and being attacked in the street because of their skin colour. That isn't social media, it's actually happening. You should be worried, we all should be, not just OP, and regardless of our personal ethnicity or circumstance.

Facists? Or people concerned about the effects of immigration?

Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:23

PinkyFlamingo · 13/09/2025 19:21

Ok as it's not been reported at all anywhere how are people meant to know it's going on then?

It was literally on BBC News for weeks over the summer.

PinkyFlamingo · 13/09/2025 19:23

Flightsandfeelings · 13/09/2025 17:51

I dont want to say where we live as it would be outing, but there have been and continue to be attacks such as this. After a few they stopped being reported.

I'm sorry if your DH is experiencing racist abuse but I really don't see why saying where you live is "outing".

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:24

Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:23

It was literally on BBC News for weeks over the summer.

What was, targeted burning down of peoples houses fuelled by racism as the OP states.

Emori · 13/09/2025 19:25

Yes.

Emori · 13/09/2025 19:25

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:23

Facists? Or people concerned about the effects of immigration?

Fascists.

Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:25

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:24

What was, targeted burning down of peoples houses fuelled by racism as the OP states.

Yes! Stories of families where the mum or dad were Asian NHS workers who had lived in communities for a decade plus being burnt out for their homes in small, quiet villages.

Flightsandfeelings · 13/09/2025 19:26

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:21

Yes, specifically my son’s life (shortly after we moved a child his age was murdered walking home from school). I no longer felt safe, a woman was raped near our house just before moving at 7am. Lots of heckling was happening - large groups of young men were hanging around which I found intimidating

It seems we have had similar issues then. Root causing being mindset of violent and reckless individuals from anywhere deciding that its okay to act violent to however they like for made up reasons.
I hope you feel safe and happy where you live now.

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:28

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:24

What was, targeted burning down of peoples houses fuelled by racism as the OP states.

Race hate crime at record level in Northern Ireland - BBC News https://share.google/73TjQrHXcljGRqtW4 first synopsis I found. You can Google any details. Also you confidently stated it didn't happen, you did no research whatsoever just blundered in knowing nothing

A vehicle burns and a man stands silhouetted in front of it.

Race hate crime at record level in Northern Ireland - BBC News

In the 12 months to the end of June, there were 1,329 crimes with a race motivation.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c05er149mepo.amp

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/09/2025 19:29

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 18:37

Yes riots, not the incidents described in the OP.

There is 1000s of unreported incidents, and reports that don't reach main stream media, you must be joking to believe the risk is low for OP's partner it isn’t.
Google Neil Pinkerton & Co.
Savage is organising attacks on delivery drivers.

Barnbrack · 13/09/2025 19:30

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:21

Yes, specifically my son’s life (shortly after we moved a child his age was murdered walking home from school). I no longer felt safe, a woman was raped near our house just before moving at 7am. Lots of heckling was happening - large groups of young men were hanging around which I found intimidating

So you can believe this happened but not that op is concerned her husband will be attacked on the evidence of similar attacks on people from similar backgrounds in her area? You moved because brown people moved in near you, you literally said as much, and didn't instantly 'integrate' how long would it take you to learn a different language and settle into a very different culture do you think?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/09/2025 19:32

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:23

Facists? Or people concerned about the effects of immigration?

Are you giving these thugs an excuse, they're the immigrants, before foreigners, it was Catholics.
They're just hateful of everyone.
Take some time to Google the attacks on Catholic homes.

mushroomsoupandcoke · 13/09/2025 19:38

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 17:49

Can you provide any evidence rather than name calling

provide evidence 😂😂😂

Readyforslippers · 13/09/2025 19:59

PinkyFlamingo · 13/09/2025 19:23

I'm sorry if your DH is experiencing racist abuse but I really don't see why saying where you live is "outing".

Many people don't put where they live online.

Readyforslippers · 13/09/2025 20:00

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:12

yes I am fully aware of the definition of riots. This is not what the OP described

You've quoted the wrong person. I've not mentioned riots.

Readyforslippers · 13/09/2025 20:01

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:23

Facists? Or people concerned about the effects of immigration?

Thugs. Concerned citizens don't intimidate others to make their point.

bakewelltarty · 13/09/2025 20:09

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 18:36

You might be shocked, but most of the posts on here have been an attempt to bring back some balance. OPs husband is statistically still very very unlikely to be attacked because of his race (more likely to be attacked because he is a man). What people are trying to do is rebalance some of the social media narrative that is designed to whip up fear about a certain position. Everyone is at risk of attack. The OP is living in a social media driven fear. She needs to find a way of dealing with that. As the mother of a teenage boy I have to deal with fear of all manner to happening to him, specifically stabbing (although much less likely to happen here) Just as I have to find a way of dealing with the fear my husband will be attacked tonight as he works as a police officer (a risk which has got much much higher with the hate against the police the left have been whipping up)

What hatred of the police the left has whipped up? Can you provide proof please.

Allisnotlost1 · 13/09/2025 20:28

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 13/09/2025 19:04

It’s interesting isn’t it. We had to leave the area we had lived in for 20 odd years, pull our child out of his school because influx into the area by people (migrants) who refused to integrate who kept to their own communities, who fundamentally changed the area as services adapted to their cultures. I’ve watched local traditions wither and die as the incoming population refused to support them. I have had my son come home from school, fed up because the majority of kids would only mix in the eir own communities, I have seen his education suffer because some of his classes consisted nearly entirely of kids whose second language was not English.

You didn’t have to leave though did you? You weren’t threatened or at risk. You made a choice to move somewhere that was populated by more people who you consider like you, which is entirely your prerogative but not really the same as being forced out.

And what local traditions have died out? Plenty of very niche English traditions exist, blaming new people in the town for the death of yours seems a bit defeatist.