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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler won’t come of dummy at 2 years old?

127 replies

dummyt · 13/09/2025 10:45

This morning I have attempted to get my toddler of the dummy and he went crazy and had a tantrum for an hour and a half and I gave in.

He has it all day and night.

If he dosent have it he will hit me, pull my hair, throw a tantrum and cry hysterically for an hour until he gets it.

He only really says a handful of words so it is definitely affecting his speech as he excels in all other areas on the 2 Year Health Check.

I have tried to give him a teddy, comforter, his nan’s hat (he loves this) and a Xmas jumper that he loves holding when he is upset but to no avail.

His sleep is awful as he wakes up in the night frequently for his dummy and in turn wakes me up multiple times.

I just don’t know what to do and I am at a loss.

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 13/09/2025 10:57

Does he go to nursery or childminder?
Our 3.5 yo still has it at night, the easiest way to get off him during the day was to say it's not allowed at nursery. From then, dummy stays home, and he can only have when he wears his PJs.

Bearbookagainandagain · 13/09/2025 10:59

And for the nights, the dummy is clipped to his PJ, you can find those on Amazon.

It's usually off his mouth by the time we go to bed, if not we will remove it but if he wakes up during the night it's easy for him to find it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/09/2025 11:00

I know it’s hard in the throws of a tantrum but with all
due respect they’re 2!! Whatever you do
or say goes. You ride out the tantrum and get to the other side- 2 year olds don’t have memory to hold a grudge. You can do the nicely
nicely the dummy fairy has come to take the dummy or pretend you lost them.

Original poster
dummyt · 13/09/2025 11:00

Hi
No he dosent go to nursery or childminder.

When we go out though he does hand me the dummy over himself, it’s only when were in the house he wants it.

OP posts:
Lifejigsaw · 13/09/2025 11:02

Please don’t use a dummy clip at night, they are a strangulation risk

Bearbookagainandagain · 13/09/2025 11:02

Lifejigsaw · 13/09/2025 11:02

Please don’t use a dummy clip at night, they are a strangulation risk

They are absolutely not for a 2yo

Bearbookagainandagain · 13/09/2025 11:05

dummyt · 13/09/2025 11:00

Hi
No he dosent go to nursery or childminder.

When we go out though he does hand me the dummy over himself, it’s only when were in the house he wants it.

Then I would try reducing the period he has it, try the PJ thing maybe, it means they can only have it for a short period of time before and after bed.

Our son will also ask for it when he is sad etc, but we progressively teached him to calm down without it and we've had great results over time.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 11:07

Just take it away and ride out the tantrum. He'll forget about it in a day or two.

Twinkylightsg · 13/09/2025 11:09

You are the dealer. Stop dealing.

friskery · 13/09/2025 11:09

2 year olds throw tantrums. You can't just not do things that are in their best interests because they cry.

He can't go to the shops and buy himself a new one, so it's within your power to get rid of it. It's your responsibility - don't lay the responsibility at his door "he won't come off it".
Chuck the dummies out, steel yourself for a bad week and then it will be done.

mumonthehill · 13/09/2025 11:11

We stopped the dummy at 2, it was replaced by a toy and we just got on with it. You need to just ride the tears out ultimately if you have none in the house then you cannot give in. It will not last long.

TTCJJB · 13/09/2025 11:12

My son is 21 months, he knows when he wakes up from a nap his dummy goes onto his bedside table. He gets it back just before bed once he's had his bath and pjs on. Could you enforce a similar rule?

SeeYouInHell · 13/09/2025 11:13

This morning I have attempted to get my toddler of the dummy and he went crazy and had a tantrum for an hour and a half and I gave in.
He has it all day and night.
If he dosent have it he will hit me, pull my hair, throw a tantrum and cry hysterically for an hour until he gets it.

This is so difficult, OP, I feel for you, but you must STOP giving in to this behaviour. You are teaching him this is how to get what he wants. Hitting you and pulling your hair is not acceptable behaviour. Neither are tantrums. Do not reward him for behaving like this by giving him back his dummy.
With mine I would do (short) time outs until they calmed down. If they started up again it was back to the time out. They learned that all they gained from screaming/hitting was time out.
They are older now and we talk about how much they hated this treatment at the time, but it was all I had. They had to learn that certain behaviour is not acceptable. They get it, now, especially when they see other kids doing whatever they want and causing havoc to all around them and misery to their parents.

Farmwifefarmlife · 13/09/2025 11:14

Tunacheesequesadilla · 13/09/2025 11:07

Just take it away and ride out the tantrum. He'll forget about it in a day or two.

Exactly this we just went cold turkey 48hrs job done I didn’t give my next two a dummy.

BengalBangle · 13/09/2025 11:16

What reaction did you expect if, 'til now, you've allowed him to have it 'day and night'.
If he's used to having it shoved in his gob for the majority of his life, of course he'll kick off if it is suddenly removed.
Either go cold turkey, or gradually reduce the time he has and just deal with the emotional fallout.

TheGlitterFairy · 13/09/2025 11:17

We used the “dummy fairy” for DS at about 20 months.

DS collected up all of his dummies for the dummy fairy who was going to give them to all of the new babies who needed them.

While he was out at playgroup one morning, the dummy fairy came and left him a wrapped up gift with a note telling him how kind he was for donating ALL of his dummies - and explained that the new toy was a thank you to him from the dummy fairy.

Worked beautifully! He asked a few times where his dummies were and was reminded that he collected them for the new babies and the dummy fairy came.

Worth a go?

SeeYouInHell · 13/09/2025 11:19

We did the dummy fairy also.
Left all his dummies out overnight and in the morning he got a brand new balance bike. It worked.

Richtea67 · 13/09/2025 11:20

We did the dummy fairy at 2.5, although my DD didn't have her dummy all the time. There was still a couple of days of unsettled behaviour but then it was fine. There are books about the dummy fairy we read first, then she chose an amazing present for the dummy fairy to bring her. I think with the speech issues you are having you need to do something about it pronto. And absolutely you will make it worse giving into tantrums. Once you go for it don't look back!

BusWankers · 13/09/2025 11:21

Take it away, cold turkey... distract him immediately with some high value entertainment....

DaisyChain505 · 13/09/2025 11:24

Snip holes in them and he won’t want to use them.

KnickerlessParsons · 13/09/2025 11:24

“Lose” the dummy, and don’t give in. It’ll be forgotten about in 24 hours.

Parky04 · 13/09/2025 11:27

When our DC turned 1 we just went cold turkey. They got over it in a few days.

MarxistMags · 13/09/2025 11:29

Years (and years) ago when my daughter was 3, we posted her dummy off to my cousin for her new baby.
We even parcelled it up ! But obviously never posted. It worked like a charm LoL.

Arran2024 · 13/09/2025 11:32

My daughter had a dummy for many, many years. All attempts to remove it were met with what I can only describe as hysteria. Anyway, it turned out that she is on the autistic spectrum and has a lot of sensory issues. The dummy was her way of self regulating and it wasn't as easy as just taking it away as some of you are suggesting. She also had speech and language issues but these were inherent and tied up with the asd, not the result of using the dummy. When she went to nursery then school she didn’t use it but she would want it afterwards to help her to regulate. We managed to swap the dummy for lollipops in the end.

I'm not suggesting your son is autistic but maybe he needs to suck to regulate himself?

Splat92 · 13/09/2025 11:35

With DS1 it was close to Christmas so my dad dressed up as Santa and came and collected the dummies from him and gave him a scooter in return