Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler won’t come of dummy at 2 years old?

127 replies

dummyt · 13/09/2025 10:45

This morning I have attempted to get my toddler of the dummy and he went crazy and had a tantrum for an hour and a half and I gave in.

He has it all day and night.

If he dosent have it he will hit me, pull my hair, throw a tantrum and cry hysterically for an hour until he gets it.

He only really says a handful of words so it is definitely affecting his speech as he excels in all other areas on the 2 Year Health Check.

I have tried to give him a teddy, comforter, his nan’s hat (he loves this) and a Xmas jumper that he loves holding when he is upset but to no avail.

His sleep is awful as he wakes up in the night frequently for his dummy and in turn wakes me up multiple times.

I just don’t know what to do and I am at a loss.

OP posts:
Mangobanana55 · 13/09/2025 11:39

We have a dummy attached to a comforter , two attach and it's great as it's easy to find in the night and doesn't fall out the cot.
In the morning/after nap, we say goodbye and kiss it (it's a teddy) and it goes away till sleep.

I would try cutting it down to sleep only first and worry about sleep time later .

mikado1 · 13/09/2025 11:42

Did you give it back to him after that?! If so it may be tougher next time. As pp have said easiest to say only for sleep and stick to it. Do not give in. If he has it all the time when home it will be hampering his speech and maybe damaging his teeth. You're in charge so fake it till you make it. I know it's hard ds but soothers are just for sleep time now. He may need extra cuddles, more time away from home, distraction etc. I only had one soother dc here and I was strict from the start re sleep only but I did leave it go till late enough but to no ill effects. I used to remove it once asleep as well which may or may not have eased the reliance. You can do it OP!

Original poster
dummyt · 13/09/2025 12:04

It’s weird as when we see out of the house he is fine, it’s only when we are in the house he seems to want it.

When it comes to brushing teeth, eating, drinking fluids and going out he will hand it me himself with no issues.

I know I should have more control over the situation
but I find it really hard to handle him when he gets so angry.

I literally have to hold him down as he will be pulling my hair, scratching me, hitting me and his cries and screams literally cuts through my ear to the point I have to take paracetamol.

I like the PP suggestion of a balance bike, funnily enough I have been looking on Amazon for one, so maybe I will slowly attempt to reduce the dummy with the distraction of the balance bike.

OP posts:
mikado1 · 13/09/2025 12:14

dummyt · 13/09/2025 12:04

It’s weird as when we see out of the house he is fine, it’s only when we are in the house he seems to want it.

When it comes to brushing teeth, eating, drinking fluids and going out he will hand it me himself with no issues.

I know I should have more control over the situation
but I find it really hard to handle him when he gets so angry.

I literally have to hold him down as he will be pulling my hair, scratching me, hitting me and his cries and screams literally cuts through my ear to the point I have to take paracetamol.

I like the PP suggestion of a balance bike, funnily enough I have been looking on Amazon for one, so maybe I will slowly attempt to reduce the dummy with the distraction of the balance bike.

If he's fine when out try spend a lot of this weekend outside. It's a habit for him like the rest of us coming in and kicking off our shoes or having a cup of tea etc. But I'd be blocking those scratches and hits v firmly. No I won't let you do that rather than what seems like a fight. He is two. You don't let him so close to hit or scratch. Put out your hand and stop him. You're the leader here OP.

Gall10 · 13/09/2025 12:18

Twinkylightsg · 13/09/2025 11:09

You are the dealer. Stop dealing.

Couldn’t put it better myself.
parents (noun) parent (verb) …parent (verb)!

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 13/09/2025 12:20

Arran2024 · 13/09/2025 11:32

My daughter had a dummy for many, many years. All attempts to remove it were met with what I can only describe as hysteria. Anyway, it turned out that she is on the autistic spectrum and has a lot of sensory issues. The dummy was her way of self regulating and it wasn't as easy as just taking it away as some of you are suggesting. She also had speech and language issues but these were inherent and tied up with the asd, not the result of using the dummy. When she went to nursery then school she didn’t use it but she would want it afterwards to help her to regulate. We managed to swap the dummy for lollipops in the end.

I'm not suggesting your son is autistic but maybe he needs to suck to regulate himself?

Not if he’s fine with it out of the house.

Misty999 · 13/09/2025 12:26

Wait till Xmas and tell him he needs to give it to the reindeers if he wants presents.

Arran2024 · 13/09/2025 12:37

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 13/09/2025 12:20

Not if he’s fine with it out of the house.

Show quote history

My daughter didn't use it out of the house either. They know it's not allowed and accept that they can't have it but at home they need to make up for all the coping they had to do with no help.

Endofyear · 13/09/2025 14:15

Don't give in because he throws a tantrum. If you do, you're just teaching him to throw a tantrum to get what he wants. Instead, walk away and look busy, let him have his tantrum and then distract. Get out of the house for a run in the park, splash in the puddles, feed the ducks etc keep him busy. When at home, have lots of activities, water play, plastic skittles, small beanbag throwing games, kicking a ball in the garden. After his evening bath & when he's got pj's on is the time to allow the dummy, not all day.

MintTwirl · 13/09/2025 14:21

Just take it away! It will be hard for a few days but if it is impacting his speech and sleep then it needs to go,
When he tantrums make sure he is somewhere safe where he cannot hurt you, keep calm and tell him that you know he is cross/upset but he absolutely is not allowed to hurt you and when he has calmed down you can have a cuddle and watch an episode of Bluey/Fireman Sam/whatever.

Whaleandsnail6 · 13/09/2025 14:36

Don't give in. You are rewarding the hitting and hair pulling by giving him the dummy.

Ignore the tantrum. walk away and don't let him get clos enough to hit out and pull hair.

Its tough but its just one of those things you have to deal with as a parent

It took about 3 days for one of mine to stop the tantrums and asking for the dummy but going cold turkey does work.

FeralWoman · 13/09/2025 14:42

You probably need to go cold turkey with the dummies. You shouldn’t have let him have it while awake from a few months old. My DD loved her dummy but knew it was for sleeping time only.

When he goes to physically attack you put a barrier between you. Shut his bedroom door or take yourself to your room and shut the door. Hitting and scratching is never okay.

Normally I suggest the dummy fairy.

mini124 · 13/09/2025 14:46

Consider putting the dummy on something like a Christmas tree, tie to a lantern to let go to the tooth fairy. I know this worked for my daughter but you have to prepare them in advance so they know it’s coming.

HP200 · 13/09/2025 14:48

Every time you cave and give it back you just teach to cry and tantrum longer and harder next time- make your choice be firm and follow through. Its impacting his speech and development so be the parent and bin then all then their is no ability to hand him one- do it when you have no plans for a few days so not wrestling round the big shop at Tesco and be firm

BritAirwaysgirl · 13/09/2025 14:51

My 2 year old daughter and myself walked to the post-box together and posted the dummies in a jiffy bag to the Dummy Fairy at Fairyland. I am not sure what the postman thought or the sorting office but it worked really well. I am probably not the only one who has done this.

SeeYouInHell · 13/09/2025 15:34

BritAirwaysgirl · 13/09/2025 14:51

My 2 year old daughter and myself walked to the post-box together and posted the dummies in a jiffy bag to the Dummy Fairy at Fairyland. I am not sure what the postman thought or the sorting office but it worked really well. I am probably not the only one who has done this.

No need for this—the dummy fairy can come to your house just like the tooth fairy!
The posties have enough to deal with.

Hankunamatata · 13/09/2025 15:37

Bin all the dummies and let him tantrum

Filofaxforlife · 13/09/2025 15:48

People get hysterical about dummies. One of my DC had a dummy the other didn’t. The one who had it needed it as tongue tied, had to be bottle fed and needed comfort. One day he decided of own accord he was too grown up for dummies and just handed them over. I think between 2.5 and 3 years. It has had no lasting impact and I would just wait until child needs it less. He used to have two dummies so if lost one in night could find the other. No big deal. If you take the dummies because you’re “boss” as suggested here you may find it’s replaced by a thumb you can’t take away.

Worriedalltheday · 13/09/2025 17:17

Op I have a toddler and at 2.5yo we went cold turkey. The first day she cried sooooo much. I held firm. Day 2 a little bit of whinging and day 3 she forgot about it. And on day 3 I gave her a present for doing so well. You just have to ride it out. It’s tough but it will be ok

SusiQ18472638 · 13/09/2025 21:09

Parky04 · 13/09/2025 11:27

When our DC turned 1 we just went cold turkey. They got over it in a few days.

I did exactly the same as this with both of mine at the same age - just threw them all away and then there’s no choice. They also both got over it in a couple of days.

Skyflyinghigh · 13/09/2025 21:11

We took dummies to Argos and used them to pay for a much wanted toy. The woman at the till was amazing. They went to the fairies to give to the small babies.

RandomMess · 13/09/2025 21:13

The dummy has to stay in bed, so if he wants it during the day he has to go to bed.

Be very clear and consistent with this.

Readyforslippers · 13/09/2025 21:15

Better to take it away, grin and bear the tantrum and then all move on. He will get used to not having it and it will be the best thing for him.

Houseofpainjumparound · 13/09/2025 21:20

We did a phased approach.

Removed dummy's In the day apart from nap time, and repeated dummy's are only for sleeping . Yes tantrums but we found ways to distract or just cuddled through the distress.

Then at Christmas we said santa has asked if they can send the dummies for the baby reindeer. I got a calendar that had pockets, and each night we put a dummy into a pocket and the next day the elf had replaced it with a little gift , small toy, chocolate coins etc.

On Christmas eve the elf brought an early present and a thank you letter. They then left the last dummy on Santa's plate.

Granted mine were 3.5 when we did this but it worked well and both talk about it several years later in a positive way.

We didn't have 24 dummies, so I would just recycle them, they were young enough not to realise and just excited to know what they got from santa as a thank you.

Petrie999 · 13/09/2025 21:20

Ours barely had it as a baby but once started nursery it became his comfort item and hard for him to part with. Somewhere between 18m and 2 we one day said dummy is just for bedtime and stuck to it. He didn't question the logic and there were tantrums for a few days but we rode it out. He's 2.5 now and doesn't have it for nap, only for bed. Once he drops his nap and is exhausted at bedtime again we will take it away cold turkey, either say it's broken and have him throw it away or do the dummy fairy at Christmas. Ours glow in the dark so he can find at night but slept through for a year regardless from 13m to 26m and now wakes again so I don't think it was a factor in sleep. We definitely noticed an impact on speech when he had it in the day which was the main reason we stopped it