To pass on a secret my DD shared with me?

[AThingInDisguise]

DD in Y7. Our relationship is OK but I have to work at connection and have an eye on the teenage years ahead and wanting to keep channels wide open. She sometimes chatters and shares if she's in the mood but often real worries only emerge months after the event so I know she bottles things up and hides things. She had a chatty evening yesterday and told me her friend has a date and asked me not to tell the mum, who I'm friends with. All sounds dead innocent, a kid in the same year, just a walk in the park after school. I still feel that the mum ought to know but am rueful about betraying DD's trust. I am thinking I'll tell the mum, ask her to be careful with the info and have a chat to DD about good and bad secrets. I feel like she probably told me as she was a bit unsure herself what to do with the info and didn't feel right keeping it in. I'm seeing the mum later and won't have a chance to chat to DD first so wondering whether to wait and tell her over the weekend when I've chatted to DD. WWYD?

hey op it’s just not about breaking your dd trust her friend might stop trusting your dd it is not fair to do this to her. it’s not your place to tell her mum. It’s usually pretty innocent at this age. Just don’t say anything.

You do that and your DD will NEVER trust you again.

You were told in confidence. Respect that.

(edited for typo)

I’ve told my kids I will keep any confidence they entrust in me unless I think someone is in serious danger or risk of harm. Year 7s “dating” is so innocent. Butt out.

A girl in year 7 going on a walk in the park with a boy in year 7? Not very dramatic. If the girl was like pregnant or doing drugs that's another thing. But this is just a harmless date.

You only ever break trust and/or your word of promise if a person is in significant danger to themselves or others.
This is not that.
Don’t kill your daughter’s trust in you and her social life at school in one fell swoop, OP.

Why is someone telling their mum who is dating who?

You did the right thing coming here to double check.

My mum did this kind of thing and it ruined my friendships because I wasn’t really aware at first. It also meant I was blamed for quite a serious thing ‘getting out’.

It was never something I knew about so couldn’t have told my mum, but the girl who did know, who told her mum who then reported it, KNEW that I’d get the blame due to previous issues. This blame continued for years, through school, college and Uni!!

Your DD is your priority - don’t do anything to risk keeping communication open.

Do not betray your daughter’s trust unless someone’s safety /life is at risk. She may lose her friendship over it and may never forgive you. And it’s only a walk through the park, which is quite likely as innocent as that.

Nothing to do with you. Butt out.

‘Underthinker’.
You must know that such a betrayal (she SPECIFICALLY asked you not to tell the mum!) could potentially trash your relationship with your daughter, just as she’s heading into those teenage years?!

Wish I’d seen this before bothering to post.

She’s meeting another 11/12 year old from school, not an 18 year old man. Your daughter will not forgive you if you betray her trust.

It will, backfire badly if you say anything. It’s nothing worrying so no need

No, do not break your daughters trust over something like this.

My DDs are 17 and 15 and tell me ALL SORTS about what their friends are doing. I never, ever repeat any of it, even when I know their parents.

Unless someone was in immediate danger I would never do this, as I am their confidante and I want it to remain that way.

Do not tell the other mum. Really, really don’t. If it was something illegal or dangerous then probably. But this? Absolutely not.

My mother is also a chronic anxious overthinker who always frets about what to do in situations involving other people’s lives.

So she goes around consulting all her friends and relatives for advice, making her the leakiest person ever to tell anything to. None of us tell her anything anymore.

At least you consult people anonymously on the internet, OP!

Children are entitled to some privacy. There is no safety issue here. No need to tell her mum anything, or stick your beak into this innocent scenario. It is nothing, just normal pre-teen gossip and making a drama of this by telling the child's mother is simply going to drive a wedge between you and DD. Stay out.

I'd be weirded out to receive such a call from another mum, tbh. So a woman calls me and tells me my yr7 daughter is going to the park with a yr7 boy, on a date. And? I'd be confused why is she telling me this. Is it some sort of shameful secret? Am I expected to do something about the said walk? Forbid it? I wouldn't be able to see the reason behind her telling me.

Now if it's a girl going on a 'date' with a 'boy' she chatted to online and never met in real life - that's different.

Twelve year old boy and girl going a walk in the park is fine.
Perhaps when your Dd told you she was hoping you might say “that’s nice dear”.
You are making it about sex and I very much doubt that is what will have gone on.
If I was the girls Dm and you told me about this I would think you were totally deranged.

If they are the same age then yes, innocent.
I do however think I can see where OP was coming from if the boy had been older. A Y7 at one of the new schools near us got pregnant (yes, the did have sex in a bush) by a Y9 boy. I think OP is maybe adjusting to senior school normality, but if the boy was older I think I would wonder about telling the mum too OP. Just for balance!

No you don't.

Who is the date with? If its just a boy from school and theyre going for a walk, so be it.
But I once had DC's friend around age 13 mention a 'boyfriend'. Something about it rang alarm bells and when I asked how old this boyfriend was, it turned out he was in his twenties!
Sometimes our antennae go off for a reason.

Sorry, missed it was same year! Should have read OP properly

This isn't even secret. It's private. These things are different.