Giving my inheritance to my mother?

[saak952]

My parents divorced when I was a kid, mum remarried. I’m in my late twenties now, have a husband, a baby, dog, mortgage and stable job. Recently my biological father passed away, I’m one of his four children, so got a quarter of the estate (under 70k). My mum is of Asian origin, she still takes care financially of grandma who lives in her country of origin, so my mentality is kinda east-influenced.
In the divorce between my parents, my mum did not get half of their joint assets, it was a joint verbal agreement which my father didn’t really uphold. And she didn’t want to fight for my financial support I guess or didn’t know any better. Or didn’t want to go to court. Then she met my stepdad so maybe she felt financially more stable but still kept reiterating how she’s raised me single handed and educated me, put me on my feet etc. She’s worked all her life in a skilled job anyway. (Just for some background).
In the inheritance process, she’s been handling some of the things on my behalf because i was quite pregnant at the time and then recovering from c-section and baby obviously. During this process she’s made it clear how much of an emotional baggage it is for her, having to go back to the old house (once), etc, reminiscing her first marriage, etc, how she could have gotten half of everything etc etc. basically I’ve been listening to it every week for the past year and bit. While postpartum.
Anyway, now everything is close to being sold and settled. my mother is going to be retiring in the next couple years. Even though she and stepdad are way more well off than dh and I, like our joint salary is one of theirs (similar fields but less experience)… I’m thinking - shall I just let her have this inheritance of mine? Have I gone loopy from hormones? All this chat about her being short changed by my father, and how she paid for my private school and uni etc…
And the background vibes of supporting elderly parents, if I give it up now, I won’t feel obligated in the future and can have a ‘free’ conscience. Am I making sense to anyone?
Also for some background/perspective - the largest financial gift from mum and stepdad as an adult was 1k for the birth of my baby, they didn’t bankroll our house or anything.
The 70k inheritance could pay a chunk of our mortgage though.

being unreasonable - yeah I’ve gone loopy.
not being unreasonable - gift her the money

A 500k pension drawn down at 4% which is probably about right to not affect the capital only gives you an annual income of £20k. Plus state pension = £31k or so. It's brilliant compared to many people, considering no housing costs but not gazillions. It sounds like your DM sees property as important which many people seem to in the older generation.

The main thing is that you are not loopy - you are confused and seeing all sides and so can't make a decision. Assuming you just want some kind of inner peace...for that to happen you just need to trust that things will work out in the end...so the best thing to do with the money is nothing.

Stick it in a low cost global index tracker and let it compound. Then you can decide when you need to decide.

My thoughts are that you don’t know what’s round the corner. You need to keep the money for your own financial,security. Your family our your priority now, not your mum.

Nope. Hell no, you have your immediate family to support and plan for.

If she regrets the choices she made 25 years ago, that is entirely her problem, not yours.

I guess I don’t want any obligation later on ...

You've mentioned this a few times, OP, but after caring for her own mother do you seriously think she won't expect the same from you?

Even if she does move abroad she'd probably take the view that further ££££ would be acceptable in lieu of actual care, but either way you'll almost certainly be guilt tripped for the rest of her life

As PPs have said you're a mother yourself now and your responsibility is to your immediate family, so you might want to put this idea out of your mind completely

I think she didn’t look after your financial interests when you were children, she didn’t fight your dad for money on your behalf.

She put things right now, after he died by sorting out the paperwork. You don’t owe her this money now. And she is fine.

keep it for your oven children and don’t make the same mistakes your mother made.

Of course she’s going to expect more later!

So she did it, and I did uk stuff when I could.. anyway, since she’s doing up her mansion she’s got bank account infrastructure and I haven’t. Anyway when the foreign stuff was being dealt with, there was maybe 1k equivalent in pounds that accumulated and it’s still sitting there in her account. Initially she said she’ll give it to me, I said wait because there might be other random fees and wanted things to settle and what’s the point me then sending her money for random fees. She was like no no but said okay eventually after like two seconds haha
Anyway six months later it’s still there. I know it’s a relatively small amount compared to the full 70 but like.. did she accept it? Did she spend it on the mansion? I’m sure if I pressed, she’d give it to me. But like hm. Idk if it were my kid I’d just send the money

I would just be prepared to let that go. It seems reasonable recompense for the work she put in and not worth quibbling over, so I wouldn't mention it again.

However, the £70,000 is yours so there is no way you should give any of that to her!

Book an appointment with an independent financial advisor to see how best to invest the money for yourself. Your financial goals should be your own financial sustainability & security.

My personal breakdown would be:
Clearing debts - credit cards/loans - £10k (Any remainder to be transferred to mortgage)
Overpayment on mortgage - £20
Saving for your child's university fees - £20k ISA
Pension - I'd stick £10k straight in my pension
Savings - £10k straight into premium bonds

There's your £70k allocated to essential personal expenditure, there's no room there to fund a woman who is renovating her mansi9n abroad. Life in the UK is becoming increasingly expensive and you've been given a gift from your dad. Do not waste it on your mother, step father and his family, your father's wish was for the money to go to you only.