RSV season warning in family chat

[AutumnIsHereAnd]

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

I just think it’s back hypocrisy. Take last December, she drops the (then) 5 month old and 3 year old off. “Oh, 3 year old has a bit of a runny nose but it’s just the sniffles” as she runs out of the door to go out. Meanwhile both kids are bunged up, not able to sleep, screaming most of the night and I ended up on antibiotics because of the resulting sinus and chest infections I picked up. She sees absolutely no issue in doing this, but I can’t kiss them on the forehead?

Because an adults immune system is a lot more stronger than a baby / child!!
if you are that annoyed by this why don’t you speak to her and say if the children are poorly please keep them away?

Surely sensible boundaries around physical contact is a win win situation then?

I said that and she said it’s not a big deal. It’s the hypocrisy that has pissed me off so much. She couldn’t give a shit about her family’s health, as long as she gets to go out.

I know you feel hurt that she doesn’t want you showing affection to her children but my toddler had RSV at 13 months - ended up spending a week in hospital on a breathing and feeding tube. It was awful.

I agree it’s a bit batshit on her part. Maybe she is very tired atm?!? It is full on when they’re ill but equally I think it’s unrealistic to expect them to not be ill and you aren’t the biggest ‘risk’ factor in it either. It’s childcare settings and busy public spaces etc. I’d tell her you’ll be mindful and then just be normal! X

I said that and she said it’s not a big deal. It’s the hypocrisy that has pissed me off so much. She couldn’t give a shit about her family’s health, as long as she gets to go out.

Then why do you provide free childcare then or at all if? You could say no and establish boundaries like she has.

Why add this now?

Could have said this from the beginning.

YABVU

You could not provide childcare. You could also not kiss children when their parents say don’t.

From your posts, reads like you’re just fed up with her and using this as an excuse to do what you should have done ages ago.

The spouse seems to support this by saying nothing yet you have more ire for SIL and not both of them.

It’s not ‘hypocrisy’ because RSV in a baby is not the same as getting a virus as an adult.

Are you seriously saying you deserve the opportunity to kiss and possibly give your niece/nephew RSV because they come to you with a snotty nose?

You clearly don’t have your own children as you’re avoiding answering the question -if you do one day you’ll understand better why their mum wants to protect their children. Either that or you are MIL pretending to be SIL in this scenario and haven’t had young children in a while / thinking you’re entitled to these children.

Honestly you sound like hard work and sounds like you just want to criticise your SIL for something because it’s just very weird how fixated you are on trying to kiss someone else’s child. Most normal people’s response to that message would have been ‘sure no problem’.

SIL is the one being ridiculous.

I think you've gone nuclear in response to a fairly mild request from a possibly anxious parent. RSV is not just a common cold and doesn't just make tiny babies ill (both mine ended up in hospital when similar ages to your nephews). Presumably she can't choose whether or not they go to nursery, but can try and influence how friends and family interact with them. You also can't realistically compare her concern for their health vs yours- she's their mum, you're an adult.

I think you really need to reflect on why this is bothering you so much and why you have effectively lashed out in response. Why didn't you feel you could call her and chat about it instead?

Her child is only 15 months old, she could have some underlying post natal depression or anxiety still so I'd approach this gently. It's no big deal to offer a cuddle and not a kiss. Social media being what it is now you view one horrific post about some poor child who became seriously ill or died and your suddenly in an echo chamber of similar stories and it's utterly petrifying when you're already anxious.
It's clear you don't like her though, so you might be better off stepping back a little instead of judging her choices to still have a social life when her children are being cared for.

My daughter didn't either but she caught RSV at about a year old and she had to spend a night in hospital.

Meanwhile they’re at nursery licking the doorhandles! 🤣

Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune condition, so does it not follow that he is immunocompromised ?

Another one here who’s had a baby hospitalised with RSV. Mine wasn’t a newborn but around 1. It was bloody horrible quite frankly and I don’t think I slept for 3 weeks so I sort of think more awareness of RSV isn’t a bad thing and I’m glad it’s been added to the vaccination programme.

I think you’ve massively over/reacted OP. She might be being a bit over anxious but you’ve gone nuclear without asking why she’s asked.

RSV is most definitely not the common cold.

Just reply: "on the same topic I would appreciate it if anyone in the family is symptomatic you inform us in advance so we can make a decision as to whether or not we want to risk coming down with a virus"

Immunocompromised is when you have immune deficiency

Autoimmune means your immune system misfires. Some autoimmune conditions are sometimes treated with immunosuppression, but not all and not always

Haven't RTFT admittedly but yeah, that's bonkers. I do have an immunocompromised child, and the only time we've issued that warning was the first winter (hmm, and maybe the second?) after he had his transplant as a baby. Because the balance of keeping him well was so delicate at that stage, he wasn't at nursery etc, it was necessary. Now, in real life, he goes to school, clubs etc, and gets colds. Yes he can get sicker than others if he catches something, but that's the risk that living life carries. Obviously everyone's barometers for tolerance and what's acceptable is different, but bonds with loved ones are important and unless they're going to encase themselves in a bubble from now until spring and never go anywhere, their rule is just pointless 🤷‍♀️

So the OP has read many accounts of parents who have sat beside the hospital beds of their children, many age over 1, desperately ill (or worse sadly) with RSV and she is still willing to put her right to a kiss above a reasonable request. Says more about her than her SIL.

No i agree with her. My son had rsv as a 4 month old and he was extremely poorly in hospital.
Unless you've been through it then you probably think people are over reacting.

I’m not sure why you’ve posted on here - you clearly only want to hear those expressing your own opinion and want to refute any other position.

RSV categorically isn’t “just a cold” even though it might be convenient for you to believe that. It can be incredibly serious and lead to other complications, hospitalisation, and death.

It’s hardly a major inconvenience for you just to refrain from kissing them. It’s just amazing how some people will put their own (very minor) wants above a wee one’s health - particularly one you supposedly care about.

Grow up!

I wouldn't babysit for the duration, simply because if your SIL is a wee bit anxious and one of the children does get ill, you are going to the get the blame. You 'must have accidentally' kissed them. So I'd just say that, to avoid the responsibility or the possibility, you won't be looking after them alone until the RSV season is over.

That way it can't be your fault if they do get ill (they will, from nursery) and your SIL might see that it's impossible to keep small children from catching things when they mix with others of the same age. She may have a genuine cause for concern, she may have health anxiety, she may have PPD, but it's up to her.

Why are people being mental about an auntie giving her nephews a little kiss on the cheek. Perfectly normal. Sorry but this is one of the most unhinged threads I’ve seen in ages.

I personally wouldn’t baby sit, OP but my nephews are snotty little monsters and every time I see them I’m ill for weeks after. I work with kids so you’d think my immune system was stronger but these two knock me out.