RSV season warning in family chat

[AutumnIsHereAnd]

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

Shes not unreasonable its her kids health and her choice.

My very fit, (works in professional sport) DH has had RSV and is still coughing 12wks on. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Little kids aren’t vaccinated for this. It’s contagious and can be fatal. Why would you question this?

To be honest you sound a little crazy to me. If you can’t last a couple of months without kissing someone else’s child then I think there are bigger issues than whether they get RSV. My daughter is only 11 weeks old but nobody will be kissing her at all until she’s old enough to give her consent. Children and babies immune systems are immature and I don’t think you wanting to kiss them should come before the possibility of them getting ill.

RSV is definitely not a cold. Even in 4-5 year olds it can cause serious illness requiring hospitalisation, and in older adults too. Hence over 60s should get vaccinated.
But your SIL needs to be aware that it's airborne. So avoiding kissing is not enough. Prioritise outdoor time, ventilate homes with open windows, and run air purifiers if you have them. Schools should be doing the same - infected kids breathe out infectious aerosols that others breathe in and get infected by - so handwashing is not going to stop you inhaling infectious particles. This is why masking is effective against airborne viruses.

I think it’s pretty fair to expect a mum with such standards re exposure to absolutely not drop them off poorly and also keep them home from childcare poorly. I don’t know if I’d have been as nuclear as the op but I’d say if we are going to be so very careful about colds etc then I absolutely can’t babysit them while they have sniffles, please cancel any plans immediately if they have a cold, I won’t be letting them in.

"fine line between exposure to germs to build resistance".
There's a misconception that exposure to viruses is necessary to build immunity. The hygiene hypothesis is related to bacteria you find in dirt. No infectious disease Dr worth their salt will encourage exposure to viral pathogens however. The only safe exposure is through vaccines.

Otherwise if exposure was necessary to build immunity, why aren't we exposing ourselves to, say, HIV in small doses?

With regards respiratory illnesses, schools and nurseries need to be applying airborne mitigations, not just surface cleaning. There is plenty of real world evidence that ventilating classrooms with open windows and running HEPA air purifiers reduces sick days of both staff and children. Have a look at www.cleanairforkids.co.uk and share this with your school administrators.

Even norovirus and measles can transmit through airborne means. And flu, RSV, whooping cough, COVID, TB...

I’d respond and say no worries, and to be honest i’ve been thinking i’d like to avoid colds this winter so will only be babysitting when in full health. How ironic for her to say that when they are picking up illness at nursery and spreading it to other family members.

I do think you’re being a bit OTT saying you won’t be seeing them anymore. By all means say you won’t have them when sick, but refusing to see them because of this is a bit nuclear

Yes 4 is little. 15m is still very young.
RSV isn't the common cold, it is more likely to cause serious symptoms.

Maybe you could just let this small request go, it doesn't harm you. Sometimes parents do over worry, but that's not a big deal.

In rhat case they shouldn't be around people at all or go to nursery. Your sil needs to isolate and be round people.

Just don't kiss her kids. This literally does not affect you.

You seem VERY angry at being asked not to kiss someone else’s child. No one needs to kiss another person’s child.

I don’t blame her, RSV put my youngest in hospital for a week when he 8 months old, and he’s not immunocompromised. After that I don’t knowingly let anyone who’s unwell near my kids, and I don’t give a monkeys if people think I’m batshit, I’d rather be labelled batshit than see him go through that again.

RSV put me in intensive care for 2 months. Even the common cold can be deadly sometimes.

at the end of the day they’re her children and if she doesn’t want you to kiss them, then don’t kiss them.

I wasn’t a newborn or immunocompromised. I spent 2 months in ITU because of RSV. My lungs are now functioning at about 55%
Its rare, but RSV can be fatal.

I’m honestly always surprised when people say this. I have two kids and no idea why but they’re so rarely sick and have always been the same. I know we do nothing to deserve this and it’s just luck but I just find it. We’ve done school/nursery and I own a kids club so they’ve got a triple whammy for catching stuff

😆 brilliant 🤣

It's so strange because it's well known that kids are a major transmission source of cold and flu bugs! So keeping you distance is unlikely to improve thier health but may help yours OP.

It is obvious that you don't agree with your SIL regardless of what responses you are given. That is your perogative. But...what are you trying to prove by saying that you just won't see them then!
You are acting in a very childish way and risk any relationship you have with the children.
It's not hard, just don't kiss them whether you think it is crazy or not.

Nobody thinks stopping extra kisses will prevent illness. It can reduce the risk though and surely if we have leant anything in the last few years it’s the importance of simple measures to prevent spread?

If the OP can’t respect a simple boundary then perhaps it’s better for them that she doesn’t see them

Isn’t this what the high five, air hug and fist bump were created for? OP you have no idea what else is going on under the surface. Why is this a hardship for you?

sorry that happened. But these kids are older, and also always passing on bugs to us. So it’s pretty hypocritical of her.

I’m angry that she thinks she can dictate what I do and don’t do when I offer her free childcare so she can go out drinking.

Wrong

RSV can cause symptoms similar to the common cold aka rhinovirus, but it's an entirely different virus and is potentially deadly to many

www.nhs.uk/conditions/respiratory-syncytial-virus-rsv/

I’m really surprised people think YANBU!!
RSV IS SERIOUS! It is not a common cold!!

my baby was hospitalised and nearly had to be put on life support.
just don’t kiss the babies!!!!! I’m guessing you don’t have children either?