RSV season warning in family chat

[AutumnIsHereAnd]

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

Are you really sure that the issue isn't that she just wants you to stop kissing her children, and she's looking for a less confrontational way to do it?

OP can show affection, just not by unnecessary kissing.

Sorry but you sound like the worst kind of relative. Your SIL has asked a pretty basic request of you, you can comfort them without kissing them. I get cold sores and don’t kiss my child if there is any sniff of them, I can still comfort my child more than effectively. You SIL may have seen some horrible cases of RSV, this may be advise she has been given and taken on. What ever the reason, she is doing it because she cares about the health of her children and she is putting that before the judgement of some family members 👀 I feel sad for her that she is getting this level of judgement from her SIL for something that really has such little impact on you.

It's not perfectly normal to have a strop if the parents ask you not to. Nobody needs to kiss another person's child, a hug is more than sufficient.

YOU'RE AN ADULT FFS!!!!
You clearly are not hearing or wanting to receive the advice you are being given on this chat.
She is their mother and has the right to tell you what you can and cant do around HER children.
RSV can and is deadly!!!! It isnt just a fucking common cold!!!!

Do not dismiss it as a common cold!

For the under 2yrs, it is a more serious viral respiratory illness, that causes wheeze and shortness of breath, with the worst symptoms occuring between days 3-5. Most children are safe to be left at home, but it can take up to 6 weeks for intermittent wheezing the coughing to fully go away.

If a child is under 9mths when they get RSV/bronchiolitis then they are more likely to need to go to hospital.

Yes it is extremely common with 90% of children having it by the time they are 2, but it isnt anything mild for them. They have created a immunisation for it now as well, although only offered to pregnant women and elderly.

Do you have children OP? I’m wondering if you’ve considered if your SIL is struggling, at the end of her tether with sick children, and just trying to do what she can to get control (you are right of course about where the bugs are coming from, but not much can be done about getting ill from nursery!)

I just think rather than getting offended, perhaps just remember how hard it must be with two poorly little ones under 2.

I think she's made up the RSV concern because she doesnt want you slobbering over her kids and doesn't know how to say it.

Maybe you should stop offering to baby sit.

And where are the children's father in all this? Is she your partners sister or siblings wife? Is everyone else horrified at the no kissing rule or just you?

For the posters who struggle with reading comprehension

RSV is NOT just a cold

@AutumnIsHereAnd stop stamping your foot and playing tit for tat. You aren't coming across well, especially as this thread isn't going the way you want it to.

Also, lots of posters have asked if you have children of your own and you have evaded answering. Do you have children?

That sounds like a great idea…if you want to fall out with SIL forever. My daughter has four children, 5 and under, and has never really liked lots of people kissing them, especially on the face. They are her children; it’s her decision. They are the cuddliest, squidgiest most loving little children. They gets buckets of attention, just ease up on the kissing.

My baby spent a long time intubated on PICU with RSV and other conditions it caused, so it doesn’t feel that ridiculous to me.

Obviously she’s being a bit silly but she’s obviously very anxious and just wants to keep her kids safe.

It’s not personal to you.

Your only reply should be ok.

Cuddles to comfort will do honestly, you might think it's unreasonable but it's just what the parents want, that's the way it is. The kids aren't going to miss being kissed by myriad relatives, their parents as their primary caregivers will still be giving them kisses. Modern parents do see the worst of what can happen via social media etc and if it spooks them enough to take these measures then thats just a parenting decision like many.

Taking umbridge at not even kissing on the hand is strange when children constantly put their hands on or in their mouth so its a direct passable infection point.

Enjoy the cuddles.

Fine. No skin off your nose. However, it works both ways - and they are far more likely to be ill than you so I’d say ‘gosh you’re so right, we also don’t want to get ill so we won’t be babysitting until we are through the sickness season next Spring.’

I agree with you that it’s a bit much, but obviously a lot of other people don’t agree from the replies - why are you then arguing with everyone who doesn’t agree? What’s the point in asking the question then? Seems like your mind is made up.

That's such an immature way to respond.

It’s okay for her to have that as a boundary. As others have said, no one absolutely needs to kiss the kids. RSV can be quite serious.

It’s okay for you to have boundaries too, and to say that you don’t want to have them over when they are ill. It comes off as immature if you are only asserting that boundary because she has one, however, rather than an actual need on your part.

It’s so weird, it’s usually the other way around don’t kiss the DC because they’re ill and I wouldn’t want family member/elderly GPs getting ill.

Just don't kiss them then. Tell them to go mummy or daddy to be settled. Tell sil you don't feel comfortable settling them or babysitting during bug season..can't have it both ways.

I do think that family set the tone for how the relationship with little kids will play out long term so she might need to have a think on that.

I completely agree with you @AutumnIsHereAnd

Why?
Do you also have a burning need to kiss other people's children and no real understanding of RSV?

She doesn’t care about anyone but herself though, so she doesn’t care if they make us ill.

Why don't you reply and say 'great idea to try and limit the spread of illness this winter. I'd also like to avoid getting ill, so a heads up of any bugs they'll boys have got before seeing us would be great'

Kids get sick. Many get sick often.
RSV isn't a joke though.
We had it last year (Jan '24) and both my dc ended up in emergency at the hospital. My older dc needed a rescue steroid to open airway and my NB and I were admitted for 3 days with baby on oxygen, lumbar puncture contemplated, multiple tests etc. i was coughing so violently I worried I'd break a rib or open up my healing belly from c-section.
For many RSV is a bad cold, but for some it's much much worse.

RSV can be dangerous for all under 5s as well as the elderly