New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

Oh lovely...
Right ernmm.
How much did he put in and what was your equity... Hoping and praying it was near a 50/50

Thanks, that’s kind of you!

Think I’m going to back away from this now, it’s just making me feel even worse.

If you ever split, he gets half the house value no matter how much percentage he put in. He doesn’t just get his share, he gets half. Because you’re joint tenants. If you die, he gets it all. You can’t leave your share to someone else or to family. It’s his. You don’t have shares; you both wholly and jointly own it. Has he contributed half of the value? And is paying 50% of the mortgage now?

Why didn’t you go tenants in common?

FFS, how old is this manchild? If he cannot aim properly to have a piss by now then there’s no hope for him is there? Send him home to mummy who obviously cleaned up after him every day of his life and consequently made a rod for anyone else’s back who might consider taking him on.

He is playing you OP…….. comments like ‘I’m learning’ do not apply to basic personal care when coming from an adult. Toddlers learn to use a potty/toilet and go on to wipe their own bums (oh lord, do tell us you aren’t doing that for him too).

Brokers are NOT professionals in regards to anything than finding you a mortgage deal - you’ve been absolutely fucked over

This has to be a joke.

You’ve just given him equal rights to your house. Was the amount he put in equal to the amount you have?

Are you for real?

You and your DP are well-matched, obviously. The only hope is that the sex is good. There seems no other purpose to this man. But please don’t procreate. You’ll be left with all the work and no house.

He was advising on mortgages! Not on giving you legal protections and keeping your asset as yours.

I really wouldn’t op. You will need all the advice you can get. And it’s free. You need us. Stay.

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/conveyancing-services/joint-tenancy-tenancy-in-common/

This. But the OP is well-matched with her bf in terms of stupidity and learned helplessness.

Oh dear OP.

Is the way he's behaving a deal breaker for you? It should be tbh. Did he match your deposit? I do hope so

So get some legal advice regarding your options for the house

Read everything Zawn Villines has written and join the Facebook page.

once your current situation is sorted, keep reading Zawn and study Burned Haystack and that insta account if you’d like to consider dating again.

wishing you all the best!

Oh dear OP.

Is the way he's behaving a deal breaker for you? It should be tbh. Did he match your deposit? I do hope so

You signed over half your house to a man who can’t use a toilet on the say so of his mate? I despair!

It went over your head, i.e. you didn’t understand it, and yet you still ploughed ahead committing to likely the most expensive and long-term commitment purchase you will ever make as well as the legal ramifications tied up in all of it. If you didn’t understand, you check and double check again until at least you do understand what you are signing with such a huge decision regardless of what the professional is saying. The mind boggles. Wow 🤯

You need to get some proper legal advice, and pronto to try and do some damage repair.

Sorry @HanhanRuns I really am
And can you lot stop...
She's probably feeling sick to her stomach...
If you do exit this thread the biggest piece of advice I can give.... Find a lawyer get some advice and see how you can minimise your losses...

Get yourself to a solicitor asap
To try to limit the damage you have done to your finances
I really hope this not a real thread
How could anyone who is capable of getting themselves a mortgage and being financially independent,then make such a huge mistake..what on earth possessed you

He sounds an idiot. Still "learning"?! Ha! How old is he, aged 3?! 😳

Not helpful.

He’s learning? So at his own home he pisses all over the floor/seat and doesn’t clean it up? Send this one back to nursery.

I'm sure all this has come as a shock, OP, you thought your biggest problem was a man who won't do the basics of cleanliness. It turns out you've signed over half your biggest asset to this man. But when you've recovered a bit please come back and read the advice, you're obviously in love with this man and want a future with him but you can still try and rectify the legal situation with regard to your property.

If he loves and respects you he will listen to your concerns and agree to a more fair arrangement.

Indeed.

And I keep reading threads in MN of women despairing over their sons whom they can’t control. Because they’ve never raised them to be responsible humans.

So those sons who are addicted to gaming, don’t go to school and their mothers are scared of disciplining them, turn into fuckwits who can’t look after themselves in the most basic ways as an adult.

And women like the OP indulge them then come on here despairing. And do the cycle goes on.

Yes, OP, the best thing is to get some legal advice just to be clear about what’s what. I posted a link above with a brief explanation on joint tenancy as a starting point. I hope you find a way forward that works for you x