New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

His lack of aim has nothing to do with his ability to clean up after himself. Why isn’t he cleaning up after himself? What does he say about that @HanhanRuns?

What’s he like elsewhere in the house with his share of chores and cooking and split of bills and groceries?

I think joint tenants, that sounds familiar. I’d need to check. It’s really not my area of expertise which is why we had the brokers help.

The first thing you need to understand and quickly op is that this isn’t funny. Your op with the sexual favours ‘jokes’ suggests you don’t.

try to reverse it and imagine if you would ever do this to someone. So you go to visit a friend and you piss on the toilet seat.

would you just leave it and walk away?

im guessing not, and it’s because of respect.

this man doesn’t have any for you, otherwise he quite simply, would wipe up his own piss.

im sorry for you that were in a pickle and made a silly mistake to fix it.

If he knew how to behave before he bought into the house with you, and now he is a lazy slob then he was just pretending until he got his feet under the table.

You're stuck with him now.

Also one of my friends was in a similar position and I spoke to her to make sure all was in line with her scenario and she’s had no issues with it.

He's not learning to use the toilet! What he is doing is treating you with contempt. That's what you are good for.

Get rid of him. Before you know it all sorts will come out of the woodwork.

How do men like him even exist?

A mortgage broker isn't a legal advisor.

You really should have got independent legal advice from your own solicitor. You still should.

Oh Christ....I hope not.... You have given him a 50/50 share if so no matter what your original equity was...
I could cry ....
Women handing over 1000's in assets because....I dunno... Dint you think to ask someone who wasn't his mate, a lawyer, family friend.... Mumsnet?

Why did you put him on the mortgage before living with him properly?!

Also if he stayed frequently with no issues it means he can be clean. He just chooses not to.

Joint tenants? He is a joint tenant? You’ve made a huge mistake here.

Why didn’t you get legal advice? Why would you go along with what his mate said? His mate isn’t going to do anything illegal but he certainly wasn’t looking out for your interests, he gave the advice that was most beneficial to his friend without breaking any conduct rules laws. But he screwed you.

Why would you financially tie yourself to him and risk your house without getting legal advice independently?

There is a slim chance that if the broker 'advised' this then he is on the hook....

Does her partner clean up his piss?

How is your friend qualified to give advice?

Presumably you spoke to your bank, did they not give you advice and tell you clearly what the situation was before you signed on the dotted line?

@HanhanRuns honestly he won’t change. He has expectations and the idea if there’s a woman around it’s her role to do the cooking and cleaning etc. I’d be trying to undo things and repay him and get back to how you were - without him. You shouldn’t have to be going anywhere near withholding sex or offering incentives!

I despair. I really do. Why oh why are women continuing to make such fucking stupid choices? Educate yourselves around finances, stop shacking up with useless twats! It is so depressing to see this happening time and time again. You are now locked into it with this man child and you’ll be back here in a few years time crying that he does absolutely nothing around the house and no parenting of the four kids you chose to create with him, despite knowing what a waste of space he is.

If you’re joint tenants and your friend has also taken a man in and made in joint tenant then you have BOTH made mistakes. You don’t even know what it means, do you?

You’ve made a mistake.

You need to call his dad and ask him why he has raised his son up to be such a dirty pig and send him there.

Yes it’s joint tenant I’ve just checked

Quite a drip feed here

It should be tenants in common with a percentage for each of you, dependant on much equity you and he have each put into the house.

Get your own legal advice.

Well, fuck. Do you actually know what that means?

Absolutely. I work in the financial industry and I can not believe someone would add a bloke they’ve never lived with to their mortgage and deeds without going through legal channels and getting a watertight contract drawn up.
A broker is not legally allowed to advise you on this so he’s in breach of his FCA rules probably.

To be honest a lot of what was discussed went over my head, the Broker advised that was the most suitable option and given he’s the professional I wasn’t going to argue it!

Sorry but you sound very naive and stupid.

So you’ve just signed half your house over to him without legal advice - JFC