New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

Ask his mother (I front of him) if he used to piss on the toilet floor when he lived at home with her?

Never have kids with this man-child

He saw you coming I'm afraid.
You have bigger problems than him pissing everywhere now that you have put his name on the deeds of yourr house.

My DM used to tell my late DB when he was a toddler and toilet training to "point Percy over the porcelain"..! 😂

OP, i really think you should say this expression every time and see him get more fed up. If he tells you to stop, just say you won't until he learns to aim properly.

You don’t NEED to micro manage him he’s an duly grown arsed adult

Stop commenting on what he does or how he does it
He’s your lover not your child

You can sever the tenancy. It’ll still be a 50/50 split (absolutely nothing you can do to change that) but at least he’ll own only half of it outright. Then you make a will leaving your estate to someone who can piss straight. You sever the tenancy in writing and send him a copy. Did the broker not tell you to get independent legal advice???

Hanhan - ruuun!

100%. OP, you’re going to end up with a criminal record for doing things you shouldn’t with a minor.

What's a pee thread before the weekend

Unfortunately, you have bigger problem in that you put this new boyfriend on deed as joint partner.

My vagina has dried right up reading this. How on earth can you be attracted to someone so disgusting and clearly with the mental age of a 5 year old? Send him back.

Not wanting to add to a pile on, but writing this in the hope it spurs you on to act sooner rather than later. Now he owns 50%, he could stop paying anything ever again and he still owns 50%. The mortgage is joint and several, so if he doesn’t fund half you need to fund it all and he will still own 50% of it.

I was going to say that if you're not up for the effort it takes to train a lazy, thoughtless man-child (no one needs to "learn" not to piss all over a shared bathroom), then you should ask him to move out and end it now...then I read your updates about buying a home together before you'd even lived togther. And not taking more of an interest in your financial circumstances...I know you feel hard done by in terms of the criticism you've received here, but you have been very foolish. All I can say is excellent advice I read on this site from another poster: Start as you mean to go on. If you let things slide now, or try to ease him into being the grown up he should already be, things will never improve. Be clear and blunt with your expectations. Do not clean up after him; he is not a toddler. And don't take a back seat when it comes to your finances. Find out the meaning of things you don't understand, as dull as you may find it.

Quite the thread
your dry Fanny and his inability to urinate at home

This! It doesn't improve. They either do it or they don't im afraid... I still have issues 11 years on

How can you feel any desire for such a man child? Is he 5 that he doesn't know how to aim his urine into the toilet?!
I was going to say, get rid of him immediately but then I read that you have added him to your mortgage straight away. That was a major mistake @HanhanRuns. Things are only going to get worse if he is this useless at the start. I would make enquiries about your financial position now if he doesn't improve straight away.

@HanhanRuns can change the agreement to Tenants in Common though, by severing the Joint Tenancy, and she doesn't need her DP's agreement to do so. OP, see this link: https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common
You should ensure your DP's ownership share reflects the value of how much he invested e.g. if your property's worth £400k and he gave you £200k then obviously the split is 50/50 (so you each own a discrete half share), but if he only gave you, say, £100k then the split would be 75/25 in your favour.
And please get some appropriate legal advice!

Urgh, I could never have sex with him again. I’d throw him back.

So you've given a pissy manchild half a house. Well done you.

The toilet seat should always be up, ready for rapid deployment, and remember the water, indeed the whole bowl is a general area of aim, if a bit goes overboard not to worry.

He should have learned this about 20 years ago. I feel like his mum could also turn out to be a nightmare MIL!

OP ignore the people slating you, we've all done daft things at times and as demonstrated by some of these trolling posts, not everyone understands how these things work. You desperately need to get some proper legal advice. It's not common but you can add people to a mortgage without giving them equity. You need to find out if he's been added to the deeds for the house (transfer of equity), if he has, find out if a declaration of trust was registered, this would set out how much deposit each of you invested and are entitled to this back if you sell the house. Did you get legal advice when he was added to the mortgage? Did you have any converyancing work done? Its possible to do a transfer of equity without one, but the lenders I've worked for would have strongly urged you to seek legal advice.

That means he owns 50% of the house, well actually in law you both own 100% overlapping. If you now sever that to Tenants in Common it will be a 50/50 division unless otherwise noted via legal documentation.

You really need a solicitors advice - your mortgage broker has lead you down a bad road.

As far as I'm aware a deed of trust cannot be used with Joint Tenants, because joint tenants effectively own overlapping 100% stakes, which die with them leaving the other party as the sole owner immediately and cannot be willed elsewhere.

That's why Joint tenancy can invalidate all sorts of clauses in a will.

It would require changing to TiC, which OP can do unilaterally, but that will automatically create 50/50 TiC - if you can then apply a deed of trust, possibly but that would require agreement of all parties.

OP, did you get any legal advice at the time you made him an owner of your property? Were each of you given independent advice or was the solicitor someone his friend the broker put you in touch with?

If I were you I'd make an appointment with a decent solicitor. Put it on a credit card if you have to. Ask them to review what happened and explain it to you. How much equity is in your house and what did he pay to buy into half that equity? Was that fair? Ask them to take a look at the terms of the mortgage you just agreed to.

at the very least you need to convert that joint tenancy into tenancy in common. As it now stands if anything happens to you, he inherits the house - no matter what your will says.

is he paying half the mortgage?

Dump him and live your best life.