New DP useless around the house

[HanhanRuns]

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

This, you have made a massive financial mistake. The house was YOUR asset but The Broker YOUR BOYFRIEND knows spoke in a way THAT WENT OVER YOUR HEAD. please tell me this is just a trolling post for reactions! See a solicitor to untangle this and get your asset back in your name if possible.

OP,.the best lesson you can ever learn is to think critically and do your own research, not just blindly trust someone because 'they are the professional'. Best to get more than once opinion not just rely on your boyfriend's mate. Good luck to you x

As you are joint tenants he is entitled to half of the house unless you drew up a deed of trust with a solicitor. That’s not a brokers advice. Tenants in common you can specify the % each of you own. Too late now but yes he has a right to 50% of your house. The man will not improve. It’s called weaponised incompetence & it’ll get worse once you have children as you’ll become the default parent. Been there done that.

Also please seek therapy. There are many red flags in your post that tell me it would really benefit you and show you how to get your power back.

This man saw you coming.

Also, legal advice immediately.

Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’

Put his favourite T-shirt on the floor where he misses. He'll soon learn.
Or tell him to sit down.

Get shot of him now, rather than years down the line.

Can't believe a grown man tells you he's still learning how to aim when taking a piss 😂

You want an equal partner, not a man baby.

You need to see a solicitor like yesterday OP. You can’t kick him out even if he shits on the bathroom floor - he’s legally entitled to half the equity in your house.

So for example if your house worth 300k and your mortgage is 100k you’d have to pay him £100 to move out!

You put him on the mortgage before he moved in, WTF?!

She can’t just get rid of him she’s stupidly put him on the deeds to her house so she’ll have to pay him off to leave.

So its deliberate then, he is making an ACTUAL choice to piss everywhere

Jesus Christ. He’s just now LEARNING to piss without splashing? Sorry to say but he is lining you up to be his 2nd mum, not his partner.

throw him back!

Or his Daddy? He’s the one who has practical experience of the management of a penis…

He needs to go. At 28, even if he lived at home until he moved in with you he should

a) have respect for those he lives with
b) not need to learn how to use a toilet
c) know how to do basic housework and chores.

Sorry but this will not get better , you are not his DM who has clearly let him be a complete slob at home and you will quickly come to dislike him. I’m sure you have read the many posts on MN about DPs / DHs who continue to behave like this after several years despite trying everything. It’s not your job to have to house train a fully grown adult, life is busy enough without taking on a man child.

Children learn toilet skill & hygiene, because adults teach this skill
Your chancer already have the skills, he’s pretending. He uses toilet at work,socially and at other folk house but at your place,aww, he struggles

@HanhanRuns get straight to the point and humble him - tell him you want a relationship with a man, not a child - he should be able to make his own decisions and get on with household chores without you on his back - tell him he needs to make his own decisions about what needs doing around the house, what needs planning, about shopping, cooking and cleaning - basically - tell him to grow TF up - it's not attractive - behaving like a child that needs supervising, acting more like an adult male is.

A broker, at best, might be a regulated financial adviser (how was this checked?). A broker is not the same as a solicitor, who is professionally regulated to provide legal advice. Please seek advice from a solicitor.

Sexual incentives? How did you not get the ick just from typing that.

The bar is literally in the core of the earth.

@HanhanRuns find the paperwork (mortgage docs and Property Information Document / land registry title) and then post on the legal board here if you have questions about what rights you and your DP have over the property now.

Don't beat yourself up, it's done now, but do work out what's what and dont bury your head in the sand.

Good luck!

PS dont even think about doing his laundry ...

OP speak to someone who knows what they're talking about IRL and who doesn't know your boyfriend. Get some proper legal advice.

It depends on what you signed but he now owns a percentage of your house anything between the percentage he paid in and 50% depending on the wording.
this means if you want to split you will have to buy him out or sell the house
he probably knows this hence the lowering of standards. He knows how to piss, that’s why he managed to hit the bowl before he moved on. Now he doesn’t care.
you need to sit down and tell him he starts contributing or it’s over. Divide up the chores and tell him to clean his own piss!! Give it 3 months and if he’s not improved figure out a way to split. This won’t get better unless he wants it to and if you have kids it will get worse

I do believe aiming is actually quite hard. In that case, SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!!!!!

I had an exDH who refused to aim. I begged him to please sit if he can’t aim. He said “I’m not a woman!” 😡

His DF was the same. Sprayed himself all over my bathroom every time he used the toilet! I gently suggested perhaps men should sit down if aiming is as hard as they say. His response? “Hmm making a man sit to pee is kind of on a par with asking a woman to have a mastectomy” 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

He isn’t my FIL any more.

You've got to wonder.....

How can it be hard to aim when they have an actual organ that can be held and pointed in the right direction, @BustyLaRoux? Their ‘excuse’ just makes no sense, and they were clearly dirty fuckers - I’m glad you are free of them!

I wouldn't have put up with that shit (well, piss) from my DS who is autistic, non-speaking and intellectually disabled, from when he was any older than 8. Ugh.