Differences (rep Ireland) Irish V UK

[Sillysandy]

I am Irish living in Ireland. My DH is British, he is an immigrant who grew up in London but had lived for 20 years in Ireland when I met him.

I discovered mumsnet about 8 years ago when I took on a sort of stepmum role and was flabbergasted at some of the stories, attitudes and opinions.

I still found the site extremely helpful, often giving me clarity on situations which would cause me a lot of angst.

However when I talk to friends and family members living in the UK I realise that a lot is to do with cultural differences.

It's amazing given how close geographically we are.

Attitudes to money, marriage, divorce, wedding gifts, abortion, house purchases, communication with friends are so far from anything I've seen in my circles.

To give my pov; (these are all generalisations) we get married later, we stay married, we don't consider abortion unless it's very particular circumstances, we are indirect about money "I'll get this one, you can get the next one (but it is LAW you only accept if you are buying back)" and sending bank details for a small amount would be horrifyingly rude, you only attend a wedding with a card containing at least 100 euro pp, you usually get married in your mid thirties, your kids are mainly all with the one father, we hide behind humour until we know a person very well, we don't report benefit fraud, we laugh a lot more... That's just off the top of my head.

The other thing is that most Irish people know all about English Irish historical tensions but many English people are utterly oblivious.

YABU You're talking out of your ass
YANBU The differences are enormous

I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. In my line of work now I do a weekly call with my UK based team and I always notice subtle differences in attitude.

This isn't true - private schools are a lot more affordable (less than 5-10kEUR/year), and generally secondary, but theres loads of them.

About 30% of the children at a local state school (Church of Ireland, so a little bit out of the norm) go to one of 2 church of Ireland private schools in the locality. I can name 3 more private schools that other kids went to which were Catholic, and that's just in a 10km radius (admittedly in South Dublin)

Boarding is even still a thing - both the CoI schools I mentioned are boarding, and have plenty of Irish boarders.

The majority of Irish people under the age of 50 are culturally catholic as opposed to devout believers. Only go to mass for weddings/funerals/Christmas, maybe family anniversaries at a push. Kids get baptism,, first communion and confirmation but it's very much viewed as a "day out" as opposed to the religious significance of it.

I'd say most young people couldn't even tell you the significance of Good Friday or Ash Wednesday. I'm not particularly religious myself but Catholicism has shaped Irish culture in massive ways, both good and bad and the hypocrisy of the above drives me insane. Probably my least favourite thing about Irish society (and yes I am Irish).

Religion in Belfast is completely different to religion in the Republic.

I separated and divorced in 2 years here in Ireland. It can be done.

Most younger Irish people (say under 50/60!) are more culturally Catholic really. They wouldn’t be too worried about living together before marriage or that sort of thing, but First Communions etc are still very much celebrated 😁 It’s stange all right. I think outsiders sometimes think we’re very religious and we’re not in many ways. Not fundamentalist like in other places, eg parts of the US.

I am Irish, born in England, primary aged in Ireland, secondary in England. But when I lived in Ireland I spent summers in England, when I lived in England I spent summers in Ireland

Honestly I would think we are all pretty similar. There are of course differences. But there are differences between people that live in Scotland vrs someone in Wales .

But you spoke of step children. That one there def is a big difference. I was only talking about it yesterday. It is a lot more common now for people of my own age (30s) to have their own blended families. But growing up I don't think I knew any blended families. I knew one family where the parents lived apart. My own parents were divorced as well but that is it's whole other messy story!

I have three kids in school and I can't think of the top of my head of one family who's blended or the parents are split. Most divorced people I know are either much older or got married very young.

Abortion is just not talked about. I wouldn't have a clue.

Defo for the money. Rounds are a must.

Also no one bring their kids to weddings unless they're babes in arms or kids of the bridal party. The brides and grooms cousins, nieces and nephews would be typical. But not cousins kids or friends kids. As a result a friend saying can I bring my 4 month old wouldn't ever cause an issue because noones nose would be out of joint, because it's so out of the norm. If that makes sense.

I also learned during the week- privatisation of rubbish collections. I was aghast so many people were advising that poster to use her neighbours bin until I realised it was the council collecting.

As an Irish lurker on Mums net i am amazing at the post about money. Particularly inheritance. From my own experience we never discussed inheritance with my parents or Parents in-law. You'd be seen as a grabby person. Co-incidentally alot of irish families fall out subsequent to parents passing away usually due to inheritance so clearly that stance doesn't help!

Actually even compared to Europe we have a low percentage of children in private schools.

It’s because you’re in South Dublin that you think this is the norm.

You pay to have your bins collected??

It’s very location specific.

Sorry, posted twice

Yes but we don’t pay council tax like in the uk

I think the 'in South Dublin' is the clue. It's around 6 percent of children educated in fee paying schools in Ireland from a peak of around 9 percent in 2007. Girls lower than boys. Dublin, and particularly South Dublin, dominates those figures.

The term “culturally catholic” has been used a few times on this thread. Is that a commonly used term in Ireland? As opposed to here we would probably say “non-practicing catholic”.

We pay a property tax, we pay (but urban areas do not) for water and for waste water disposal and we pay for private waste collection.

I agree with some of your points, but I believe many generalisations are being made.

In my experience, the Irish tend to be more tolerant of differences and generally more open-minded.

It is disturbing how limited the average British person's understanding of Irish history can be. It wasn't just a famine; it was genocide.

I love both countries and take great pride in my heritage, but I prefer to live in the UK.

@Franpie no, the culturally Catholic would just consider themselves Catholic. In Ireland if you're Catholic the assumption would be you don't actually practice. But as it turns out the Catholic Church in Ireland didn't really practice a lot of Christianity as it turns out, so we're well used to the hypocrisy.

Maybe things have changed since my parents generation (and they were from the north) but class is odd. The professions were something to aspire to and teachers, doctors etc got huge kudos and the universities people went to were of great one-upmanship.

My grandparents were farmers with pots of money but I got the impression they were considered a bit declasse!

Property tax is not the same as council tax. It’s much less.
we don’t have water bills…

To me it means I was brought up Catholic (I’m in my 50s), but only go to mass these days for weddings and funerals and at Christmas. It’s still important to me, first communions and especially funerals are important events, but I’m not strict about it at all. Others practise even less, but they might still baptize their kids.
Most primary schools here are Catholic but they’re run by laypeople these days so Catholic-lite.

I think I’m explaining this very badly, sorry.

I just think sometimes people outside Ireland think we’re all very devoutly religious still and that’s not the case.

OP I certainly know about the sad history between Ireland and the UK. I feel very sympathetic to the suffering of Irish people under British rule.

i know many Irish people and I find them warm and lively, sociable and with a great sense of humour.

I wish our countries could be better friends in the future. I know the Celtic nations feel anger towards the English and with good cause. But I don’t think that’s a reason to make this resentment personal in 2025.

Here’s to happy Irish/English relationships!

The catholic church still has a strong grip in Ireland as it controls many of the schools and you will even feel it's presence in hospitals.

I hate the hypocrisy of it all so I refused to have my DC baptised or any other religious ceremonies. They are not in a Catholic school.

There is an urban/rural divide maybe, as there is most places.

Getting a taxi after stepping off the plane in Dublin, I could not believe the open racism of the taxi driver.
I know other Europeans (Greek) and yes I think 100 euros per person in an envelope would be a minimum for them. We (British) would probably give more than this but we can afford it. My children didn’t expect or want gifts at their wedding from anyone who couldn’t afford it.