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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think disruptive behaviour in schools is out of hand?

709 replies

Absentosaur · 11/09/2025 13:02

‘Children at state schools are almost three times more likely to have their lessons disrupted by poor behaviour than their privately educated peers, a widespread survey of parents has found.’

https://archive.md/HMGtJ accessible link to article .

18% 16-18yr olds go to private school, probably for this reason a lot of the time.

Do we expect the government to do something about it, particularly given they have closed the private school doors to many? What could they be doing to improve the worst state schools??

To think disruptive behaviour in schools is out of hand?
OP posts:
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5
Vitriolinsanity · 11/09/2025 19:25

atamlin · 11/09/2025 13:45

That’s interesting. I wonder how your child’s private school would deal with my 11 year old daughter. She has autism and ADHD and struggles to listen and concentrate. Would she be got rid of efficiently?

IM personal experience no. My DS has ADHD that made him disruptive in class. The boundaries the school and teachers exerted, as well as the consistency and discipline enabled him to cope better and eventually thrive. We also worked together so a discipline at school was reinforced at home. We supported school sanctions and the positive strategies they came up with. By Year 10 he was able to bring himself under control, with gentler guidance.

I know these strategies are equally applicable to SS pupils. However, the bigger classes and inconsistent behaviour policies, often (stress, not always!) not supported in the child’s home or by parents that won’t accept their part or that there even is a problem make it incredibly difficult to support kids with behaviour issues and thus their peers.

Vitriolinsanity · 11/09/2025 19:33

frozendaisy · 11/09/2025 17:24

I do know of private school and state school pupils who regularly go to class high on weed, they take brownies in.

To think that teenagers are not going to be teenagers and push boundaries is naive.

Clearly it's not performance enhancing, but to think that teenagers, even ones at posh schools are not getting high in one way or another, well that's just not true.

Boarding schools are the worse!

Do you aye?

And if you KNOW this to be true have you contacted the police and social services?

KitTea3 · 11/09/2025 19:36

NoSoupForU · 11/09/2025 14:13

There has been a monumental shift over the last 5 or so years in parents attitudes from supporting the school to adopting what is often a combative stance of how dare you treat my child in that way. It is an almost impossible battle for teachers because the continuity isn't there. There is a culture of seeking to apportion blame for poor behaviour anywhere except with the perpetrator of it. None of this is helping anybody.

Parents of children at private schools want to receive a quality service for the money they pay, so are generally more engaged with education generally and demand a higher standard from the school which drives quick and efficient action.

I only ever had one after school detention in year 7....

Pretty much everyone else's parents gave some excuse to get them out of it. I mean this was 25+ years ago but I remember genuinely being upset at having to tell my mum I'd got an after-school detention, and she told me I was going to it full stop. Because actions have consequences.

As it was id forgotten my homework, I had actually DONE the home work but genuinely forgot it. That excuse did not fly with my mum. She told me even if it wasn't intentional I'd still broken a rule so had to take the punishment.

Never had a single detention after that 😬

Nowadays the parents would just tell the kid they don't have to go AND they'd probably have a go at the teacher

DampSock · 11/09/2025 19:37

Wonder if all this is giving a ‘boost’ to their independent school award scheme in the Times? Thought it was a bit dubious when the Times awarded it to a financially struggling independent school - that borrowed 13.3 million from the local council and they then couldn’t repay the loan…

CinnamonBuns67 · 11/09/2025 19:39

DampSock · 11/09/2025 19:10

@CinnamonBuns67

I agree with that. Interestingly I volunteer for a children’s organisation where they learn extremely well, inclusion isn’t an issue, excellent rapport with parents, we have v limited funds. If this organisation can make learning work, why can’t schools??

Definitely my child was the "disruptive" child in mainstream school, her needs weren't being met not even basic ones to be honest, most teachers tried (there was 2 that was just ignorant but most of them just didn't have the training to help her) and that unfortunately led to that being reflected in her behaviour. Everyone was just mad at me. I had to keep on at the senco to support getting my child moved into specialist school, took 3 years to do it. Shes in specialist school now, she's thriving and no behaviour issues, funny what can be achieved when a child is properly supported and have their needs met.

Shivaughn · 11/09/2025 19:44

I dont work in education so interested whether ‘disruptive’ behaviour etc is a much bigger problem in more deprived schools? Like are state primaries in more affluent areas with a very low % FSM also seeing a general rise in bad behaviours/reception kids in nappies who can’t hold a knife and fork/disruption and violence?

DampSock · 11/09/2025 19:45

@CinnamonBuns67

That’s great, and I certainly think we are able to meet needs in the organisation I work for. It’s relaxed, only one ‘formal’ short session - no sitting on chairs, no computers, no staff members in ‘meetings’ - the provision is excellent and completely focussed on exciting learning activities.

It gets the basics right : provision and inclusion.

DampSock · 11/09/2025 19:50

@Shivaughn

Anecdotal but the worst behaviour I’ve seen is in private. Best in state in deprived area. The key determiner was : very strong leadership and cohesive team work.

MonGrainDeSel · 11/09/2025 19:52

Absentosaur · 11/09/2025 18:30

Yes. Not a bad idea. Best to get some exam passes than fail several. Bit like going into a restaurant. Ones with vast menus are often dodgy, short specialist menus - far better quality.

Edited

I don't think those are the only two choices and there are plenty of schools around the country offering more than just the very basics and letting children experience a breadth of study that will be of benefit to them throughout their lives - and getting perfectly good results.

frozendaisy · 11/09/2025 19:57

Vitriolinsanity · 11/09/2025 19:33

Do you aye?

And if you KNOW this to be true have you contacted the police and social services?

good lord no
they are 15/16 - nearly 17 their parents are not unaware
they don't go to our teen's school or college

if it was someone who our teen's cared about then of course we would approach the situation somehow

TaborlinTheGreat · 11/09/2025 20:07

Violinist64 · 11/09/2025 13:14

Why is it entirely a government matter? Surely the foundations of good behaviour begin at home from the beginning. Children need boundaries and consistency. Before the inevitable special needs brigade chime in, from my experience of a fairly badly affected autistic son and working with people with special needs, they need even clearer rules and boundaries. Gentle Parenting has a lot to answer for but it is not only the Gentle group that need waking up. There appears to be an endemic culture of entitlement and selfishness among many people. The post on small children giving up their seats and sitting on their parents' laps to make a space for adults is a real eye opener. Even if there were more affordable private school places available, some of the feral pupils in state schools would probably transfer there in any case.

Yes but you can say 'Parents ought to parent better' as much as you like. That won't actually make it happen. Whereas the government can mandate what is done about behaviour in schools. I mean... they won't. And it's unlikely anything they could do would really work anyway. But, theoretically at least, the government has more control over schools than it does over individual parents.

Vitriolinsanity · 11/09/2025 20:53

frozendaisy · 11/09/2025 19:57

good lord no
they are 15/16 - nearly 17 their parents are not unaware
they don't go to our teen's school or college

if it was someone who our teen's cared about then of course we would approach the situation somehow

How pathetic. You are aware that opting out of child safeguarding is enabling it.

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 20:55

Shivaughn · 11/09/2025 19:44

I dont work in education so interested whether ‘disruptive’ behaviour etc is a much bigger problem in more deprived schools? Like are state primaries in more affluent areas with a very low % FSM also seeing a general rise in bad behaviours/reception kids in nappies who can’t hold a knife and fork/disruption and violence?

I have no evidence to support this, but deprivation of intellect or aspiration condemns kids to generational failure. Inevitably, because intelligence is highly inherited. I applaud the outliers who escape.

twistyizzy · 11/09/2025 20:58

frozendaisy · 11/09/2025 19:57

good lord no
they are 15/16 - nearly 17 their parents are not unaware
they don't go to our teen's school or college

if it was someone who our teen's cared about then of course we would approach the situation somehow

Safeguarding goes all the way into adulthood. You claim to know a clear safeguarding concern and didn't report it?

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:00

It's not very easy to safeguard a 16 year old making risky choices. In my youth (the 1970s) a 16 year old wasn't regarded as a child.

BollyKnickerz · 11/09/2025 21:02

Personal experience: children with "additional needs" (i.e behavioural problems) are pandied to and a group of "typical" children have to work around it.

It's just fall out from that.

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:06

In the 1970s, when you were old enough to leave school at 15 or 16, you were de facto regarded as subject to adult rules if you left school, because you had chosen to do so, so you crossed into the adult world.

twistyizzy · 11/09/2025 21:07

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:00

It's not very easy to safeguard a 16 year old making risky choices. In my youth (the 1970s) a 16 year old wasn't regarded as a child.

That's the whole point of safeguarding. It applies to 18 and under for children but also adults over 18 if vulnerable..
Safeguarding as a concept didn't exist in 1970s but majority of people are aware of it now.
The 1970s were 50 years ago, surely you can appreciate things have changed hugely since then?

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:09

I am not convinced that it accomplishes much, beyond infantilising young people.

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:11

The 1970s were indeed 50 years ago and I can't believe I'm 69 but I don't think people have changed much in either their competence or ambition or need for protection.

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:21

Seriously, I'm getting old, but I can still adapt and adopt to 2025 norms and hoist in new tech. I have been doing so since I had my first computer in 1984. I can still manage technology, although I do ask my DC how to do it right/best now. I don't think the 1970s were better or hark back, but I don't think life is innately more risky or dangerous for young people now. The risks change, but risk is always part of life.

Burntt · 11/09/2025 21:28

I can see both side to this. My dd had her lessons constantly disrupted by a group of boys. 3 teachers quit her class in 18 months. My dd went from exceeding expectations to working towards. When I raised all the issues with the teacher I was told bluntly she can’t do more than she is, the behaviour and the SEND take most of her time and even if my DD was struggling she was well behaved and one of the better achieving students so no chance she will get help. I pulled her out and home educate.

on the other had I have a high need send son. He should never have been put in mainstream school yet that’s the standard for send kids no matter the level of need. I’ve seen far too many non verbal non toilet trained kids put into mainstream while the parents fight the LA for appropriate provision. My child unsupported needs led to challenging behaviour. Massively disruptive to the class and TRAUMATIC for him. He was wetting the bed and having nightmares about school. School did illegally off roll him, they gave him a part time timetable with no plans to increase, once his application for EHCP was denied because he doesn’t have severe and multiple learning difficulties he has autism ADHD dyslexic, dispraxia, auditory processing disorder and SPD. But he has great speech and vocabulary so not severe enough for SEN school apparently not would LA find a 1:1/additional support as they rejected the EHCP as they don’t have enough money. As soon as EHCP rejected I got called to collect my child every single day. The advice when schools do this to SEND kids is to refuse and to complain and make them keep the kid and make accomadtions while you start the couple year process of fighting to get the EHCP if you can even get that. For working parents what choice do they have? I pulled my kid out of school as it wasn’t fair on anyone, I couldn’t find ANY childcare that would take him as again he needs lots of support so lower ratios and it’s not financially viable for childminders. So I quit work. I’m on benefits now and fuming with the system. We have the EHCP I took it to tribunal and won. The LA still don’t provide my child an education and flout the law and their excuse is there just isn’t a school suitable. (This was when I pulled my dd out of school why send her to school where she’s not getting an education when I’m stuck home anyway and am better able to educate her?!).

I conclude the main problem is unsupported SEND, lack of funds for SEND, lack of SEND placements. But a huge part of this is SEND kid not being given boundaries or consequences at home. Some is definitely poor behaviour in my dd school I find it hard to believe that whole group of disruptive boys had high need send but it’s possible. I was SEN myself as a kid and my mother just smacked me if I ‘played up’ and sent me to bed without food. I was subsequently a well behaved and very unhappy child. Obviously that’s not better for kids but if we go back to treating kids that way they would behave better. I obviously don’t advocate corporal punishment but with my sons SEND friends few face consequences for poor behaviour whereas my son does have consequences, he looses his screens or desert or we leave the fun place we are at/don’t attend the fun place. He still has very high needs and needs excessive support but I constantly get feedback how polite and kind he is and well behaved. That’s until he becomes over stimulated and then he elopes. At school this turned into disruptive behaviour and violence because his SEN wasn’t supported at all. He has two friends who also apparently were violent and disruptive at school but now out of school and supported with consequences I just cannot see that in them. Whereas the friends who have genuine send and parents who are incredibly permissive and excusing of poor behaviour have kids with challenging behaviour out of school too.

I do also want to add that I’m thinking of one child with sever and multiple learning difficulties who is disruptive and violent at his SEND school who’s mum is always desperately trying to change that but he’s not got the capacity for any self control or self regulation. Kids like that don’t act like that because of poor boundaries.

MonGrainDeSel · 11/09/2025 21:29

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:11

The 1970s were indeed 50 years ago and I can't believe I'm 69 but I don't think people have changed much in either their competence or ambition or need for protection.

I don't know about ambition and I don't know if you come into close contact with many young people, but I do think that actually today's teenagers are somewhat less competent than they were pre-internet and smartphones. It is harder to grow up when you don't have to work things out by yourself and your mum is always at the other end of the phone.

I am not dissing young people at all - they have grown up in a totally different context to my teenage years. But while in some ways they are more sophisticated and worldly, in other areas they are less able to deal with their own stuff in a way that teenagers from forty or fifty years ago simply had to because there was nobody else to do it.

Papyrophile · 11/09/2025 21:38

My DC are now in their 20s, but I did a year's training in teaching as a second career not very successfully in the late 90s.

MrsR87 · 11/09/2025 21:52

I can only speak from my own experience as the behaviour in each school will vary so much but I can say from experience that currently the issue of behaviour in school is a very complex one but also, sadly, deep rooted.

For context, I trained as a secondary school teacher in 2010 and left the profession in 2023 - I worked in the same
school for my whole career. Behaviour was not the reason I left the profession but it certainly made a reasonably difficult decision easier!

Between 2010 and 2019 the school was led by a wonderful head teacher who was very old fashioned but in all the right ways; there was a culture of respect for all, not just for grown ups; pupils would open doors for teachers and help carry bags or boxes etc without prompting; if a pupil forgot to do their homework, they did their detention with no questions and no argument etc. In those 9 years, of course I had to deal with low level disruption but it was fairly easy to do and pupils were aware the poor choices and actions had consequences and the school behaviour system was followed by all and reinforced by school leaders when it was was used. Although to be honest, it was used quite rarely - I only ever issued the consequence where a pupil had to leave your room and sit outside the head’s office once or twice a year. And in all that time I was once told to F off by a pupil who then came to apologise after the lesson.

I’ll never be sure be sure how much of how our school changed was down to COVID and how much was down to management but something certainly changed in our school and this became very noticeable from 2021. I’m also certain that parent engagement (or lack of) during this period also played a part. All of a sudden my job started to feel more like crowd control and rather inspiring your pupils to have a love of learning.

One lesson that I remember that highlights how much learning time is lost, often because of 1 pupil was a year 7 lesson I had in 2022. A boy hadn't written anything in the first 15 mins or indeed have a pencil case on the desk so I asked him if he needed to borrow a pen. He stood up, told me to “go F my mother and then die” and stormed out the classroom but not before pushing the door so hard into a wall that it damaged it.
Now I have to stop the lesson so I can use my computer to send an emergency alert and accompanying email to say this pupil has left my lesson. Done - so I continue with my lesson while SLT look where he might have stormed off to. Five mins later he arrives back on his own so I stop the lesson and inform SLT that he is back in my room but his behaviour in the room (swearing/being aggressive) automatically means he is at the consequence level of being removed from the room into isolation (so that the learning can continue for others). Someone arrives to escort him to the behaviour room but he won’t go, so there’s another 5 mins of my lesson gone while they try to get him to leave. Eventually he goes. Ten mins later, SLT bring him back to my room because “he’s had a bad morning so let’s give him another chance”. He proceeds to spend the next few minutes humming/clicking/shouting over everything I or another pupil says and throw paper/ bits of rubber etc across the room - so I stop the lesson, issue the alert again…and so on and so on. This pupil frequently did the same thing in lessons across the school. It was very frustrating as you can see how much time is being wasted and the effects it has on the pupils.
I feel genuinely sad for pupils who want to learn and thrive who are sat in classrooms like this - you can sense their feeling of injustice and sadness too.